Proxy with Yowei Shaw

The case of the person who worries their husband still sees them as his wife. 
Alex is nonbinary, and their husband Henry is a straight cis man. Henry has been supportive through every step of Alex’s transition — pronouns, testosterone, top surgery — but Alex worries: if Henry is straight, does that mean he still sees Alex as a woman?
In this episode, we find Alex two proxies: Elvis, a trans man who transitioned inside his long-term relationship, and Ryan, Elvis’s straight cis husband. Together, they talk about labels, desire, dysphoric sex, and the tender, terrifying question underneath it all: will you still want me if I change?

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for another story about identity changing inside a relationship, or Yowei Can't Speak Bro, about the emotional rules of people who say “that’s cool."

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the podcast host who can't speak bro.
For the past twelve years, Yowei has been trying — and failing — to have a normal conversation with her husband's best friend. It's not for lack of goodwill. But somehow, every time, they can't find a rhythm. Yowei's theory: he speaks bro, and she doesn't know how. 
In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy bro and gets a crash course in bro banter — the hidden rules and emotional logic behind the joking, shit-talking, and conversations that can last for hours without a single life update.  

From the episode:
— Jason Stewart — podcaster, DJ, and co-host of How Long Gone. Follow him on Instagram and X @themjeans.
— Scott Kiesling — professor of linguistics at the University of Pittsburgh, whose work explores masculinity and how men use talk to build relationships and their identities. Learn more at sfkiesling.com.

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or The First Ever Extrovert-Introvert Cage Match for another case about what happens when friends have different ideas of connection. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the dog trainer who stopped feeling close to her own dogs. 
Jane's whole life has been dogs. Doggie daycare, animal rescue, behavior modification, fostering, training — dogs were the place she felt most at home. Which is why Jane is so disturbed by what's happening now. She still takes care of her two dogs. She still loves them. But the feeling is gone. 
In this episode, Yowei finds a proxy who helps Jane investigate the emotional aftermath of animal caregiving — the burnout, anticipatory grief, and compassion fatigue that can make even love start to feel like another demand.

Please note: This story contains a brief mention of suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know may be considering suicide, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741.

Featuring Jen Blough, LPC — therapist, compassion fatigue educator, and author of To Save a Starfish. Learn more at animalwelfarewellness.com.

Funding for this story was provided by the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, as part of its “Spreading Love Through the Media” initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation.

Resources on compassion fatigue, pet caregiving, and pet loss:
—Compassion fatigue resources from ASPCApro
—Pet caregiver burden resources from Insight Animal Behavior Services
—Cornell Pet Loss Support Hotline

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Brian Can't Stop Fact-Checking His Mother-In-Lawfor another story about caregiver burden. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get File Under Feelings, our free newsletter, at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — [email protected]

The case of the writer whose inner narrator who disappeared. 
For most of her life, Caitlin Myer had a narrator. A voice that told stories, shaped sentences, kept her company, and made writing feel less like work than a way of being alive.
Then, after a concussion, the voice disappeared.
Caitlin could no longer write the way she used to. She couldn’t hear the music of her own sentences. And even as she slowly regained the ability to read, work, and move through the world again, she was left with a terrifying question: if the thing that gave your life meaning is gone, how do you find the plot again?
In this episode, Yowei finds Caitlin a proxy: musician and songwriter Greta Morgan, who lost her singing voice after COVID and had to figure out who she was without the voice that had defined her. Together, they investigate the grief of losing the thing that gave your life meaning — and how to find the plot again.

From the episode: 
— Caitlin Myer — author of Wiving— support her on Patreon and learn more: www.caitlinmyer.com
— Greta Morgan — author of The Lost Voice — sign up for her Patreon and newsletter: www.gretamorganmusic.com

New to Proxy? Try Bisexual Wife Guy for a classic case, or Mic Chooses the Wrong Life, for another story about identity and ambition. 

For episode liner notes, show gossip, and dispatches from the emotions beat, get our free newsletter File Under Feelings at proxyhq.org.
Proxy is an independent show, supported mostly by listeners. Paid members get bonus episodes, ad-free listening, live Proxy hangs, and the satisfaction of keeping emotional investigative journalism alive 🍏
Follow us on Instagram — @proxypodcast @yoweishaw
Visit — proxypodcast.com
Get in touch — [email protected]

Once upon a time, Yowei felt embarrassed to have a boyfriend—not because of him, but because of what it said about her. 

This story comes from the Love Letters podcast. Listen to more of their episodes here. 

Proxy is back with new cases every other Tuesday. Follow the show so you don’t miss the next one.

New to Proxy? Start with Bisexual Wife Guy — it’s one of the clearest examples of what this show does.