Sexy Unique Podcast

Lara and Carey dive headfirst into another chapter of the inaugural GENIUS ALERT series, this time enlisting the help of bonafide genius, friend of the pod, musician and Los Angeles pod maven herself, Chloe Coover. They discuss Chloe’s lit’ral birthday, the Los Angeles of yesteryear, and the fall of celebrity culture.

Then they go back in time to the halcyon days to discuss Chloe’s favorite reality TV episode of all time: episode six of the first and only season of the seminal Pretty Wild. Aka “Vanity Unfair.” The Neiers sisters Alexis and Gabby, their adopted sister Tess and their mom/manager/homeschool teacher Andrea, navigate the glitz and glamour of 2010 LA, all while Alexis awaits sentencing for her role in the infamous Bling Ring.

Alexis is thrilled to be the subject of an upcoming Vanity Fair profile about the high profile crime, written by the one and only Nancy Jo Sales. She picks out what she believes are modest outfits for the interview, much to the horror of Gabby and Andrea. Tess and her Monroe piercing then continue to foster a one-sided relationship with Max, lead singer of emo band "Wicker" as they interrupt band practice while donning Uggz at the Groundworks on Sunset at 8pm. Gabby also pounds the pavement of Hollywood in search of a job, landing herself a spot at a pet store where she learns the ways of dog grooming and anal gland expression. Alexis gives a heart wrenching account of the Bling Ring and her plans to change the world à la Angelina Jolie to Nancy Jo, but is soon disgusted to see the final article, where Nancy’s slanderous spin on the 19-year-old enfant terrible is made immortal in ink. Then Alexis confronts Nancy Jo’s voicemail in the phone call scene that changed reality television forever.

Alexis, you f*cking rock, girl!

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Lara and Carey are joined by one of New York City’s greatest imports, Josh Lora aka TELL THE BEES, to recap his favorite reality TV episode, “Bras and Brawls Pt. 2 “ in season two of The Real Housewives of Miami. The commentator discusses his apocalyptic experience in LA so far, how he got his start on TikTok, his eternal “A Little Life” beef, being a Non-Math Gay, and more.

On RHOM, Lisa’s lingerie party to raise money for breast cancer research is already off to a shaky start, as Joanna’s PETA ire lands on Marysol and her unabashed feather vest; Joanna also confronts her long-suffering and blackout-approaching little sister Marta if she, too, had bedroom relations with Joanna’s ex… the dastardly Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild infamy. When Marta confirms that yes, she did, Joanna switches into DEFCON mode, to the chagrin of her fiancé Romain. Lea Black faces off with messy gay Beau, who claims she snubbed him at a gay club; Lea’s main gay James (aka Elaine Lancaster) comes to his hag’s defense, resulting in chlorine chaos. Lisa confronts Beau over getting the DJ equipment wet, who in turn throws her phone into a puddle. Adriana arrives late with her nipples out, preparing for war against one-time bestie Karent for her sh*t-stirring ways and her interview in the press where she dragged her cast mates to Hell. Joanna’s rage ramps up as Adriana starts in on her, leading to a bloodbath: Joanna slaps Marta, who tries to intervene, and Adriana pops Joanna in the face and fights her off with a broomstick after the supermodel tracks her down in a corridor. A weepy Marta is consoled by Lisa’s housekeeper Daisy, but her brief sister-wound healing is dashed when her champagne-infused instincts find her in the slimy clutches of Joe Francis once more as Lea watches on in sinister delight.
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Lara and Carey return for the season finale of The Valley, but first they discuss Lara’s upcoming Italian eclipse moment, the new but not surprising Jared Leto sex pest doc on BBC, testing their skills on the two questions that led to Ben Affleck’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire? victory, Bethenny Frankel’s new supermodel cafe, and Bryan Johnson’s longevity fatigue.

Back on The Valley, Halloween approaches. But first, Lala meets with Nia for coffee in a Moulin Rouge outfit; while feeding Saerpent, Nia’s discloses more about her traumatizing past and longing for stability at all costs. Doute and Luke dig themselves further into hetero hell, and Michelle discloses to Dreadlocks Natalie her plans to own a home. As Brittany’s Big Vampire Soiree kicks off, Danny transforms into Blackout Bookula, sucking all the oxygen out of the backyard, Zack gets called out for being two-faced about Jinet, Jesse accuses Michelle of being in a secret relationship, Jasmine transforms into a family court attorney, and Doute full-on lies to save face over her Nia Disclosure Day to a shuncked and horrified Brittany. Finally, Jason and Danny — nearly unconscious — have it out in the Beetle Juice room; Danny Scary Christian points in Janet’s face, who returns it with a soda to Danny’s temple. Janet loses the battle, for now, and The Bookos flee into the night back to Santa Clarita, as Saerpent claims victory over the souls of the living and the dead.
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Carey and Lara are back with a penultimate recap of everyone’s favorite hetero nightmares, but first, Lara takes time out to speak out on a new initiative she’s undertaking to fight for the movie-going spirit of Los Angeles. They also talk Nicole Kidman’s possible new beau or possible new gay, newly surfaced video of Clavicular’s middle school graduation, Danny Booko’s TMI battle with porn addiction, and a harrowing Schwartz paparazzi pic.

Back on The Valley, Schwartz dotes on Kiana, Michelle sells Sunset, and Zack and Benji have a difficult convo about theoretical babies and their immigration stress. Nia and Saerpent return from Miss U.S.A., letting Danny off the hook from being a parent once more; Danny laments his lack of trust in the group as Saerpent feeds.

Then Michelle and Jesse make their divorce official-official and celebrate with bittersweet champagne, long-winded speeches and explosive sexual chemistry. Schwartz, Kiana, Michelle and Lala take a rindom pontoon ride where Schwartz comes clean about the boys and Doute not taking Jinet’s S/A, to the horror of La. Doute and Luke give a poor man’s version of Couples Therapy where they discuss WeddingGate, which is made worse by Luke’s careless zingers. The girls + Zack + Lacy, minus Nia and Doute, head to Chili’s where Brittany and Zack butt heads over Nia and Zack sharts in the restroom. Brittany does a sexy photo shoot to celebrate her mommy makeover and prepares for her big season finale Halloween party. Lala confronts Doute over not giving Jinet grace about her S/A admission.
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Lara and Carey return to talk Lara’s upcoming international adventure, moving heaven and earth for the upgrade, Carey’s high altitude bathroom rituals, a harrowing new “Special Forces” cast featuring Brandi Glanville and George Santos, a history-making “Golden Life” update, and finally seeing The Rizzler as a national treasure. They also discuss the breaking news that Jax and husband Brittany’s longtime, Canada-based publicist are bumping purses. A reader recounts their debaucherous night in Toronto with Mr. Taylor himself.

Back on The Valley, the crew reels from their disastrous vacation in Mexico; Nia (with Saerpent) prepares to leave for Miss USA where she is judged, forcing Danny to confront the unthinkable: caring for their children for a few days without her. Danny also readies himself for his overdue vasectomy procedure, as Jesse, Luke and Schwartz join him for a “Balls Voyage” drink sesh out in the Santa Clarita Horror; Jesse and Luke question Janet’s timing for her S/A reveal. Meanwhile, Jasmine tries on wedding dresses for her sweet mother, Brittany and Zack recount Jasmine’s long and arduous romantic path to finding Melissa; and Zack accompanies Danny for the Big Snip. Lala celebrates seven years of sobriety, where Janet and Doute have it out at the dinner table; Lala grapples with putting her longtime dog down. Doute settles back into Los Angeles serenity, confronting Luke once again about his own wedding bombshell. Then the crew descends on a Hollywood rooftop where Britt’s engagement party for Jasmine and Melissa commences: Janet unsuccessfully tries to thaw the ice between her and Jesse, Brittany sweats in her heels, and Jasmine and Melissa look ahead to their dream Jersey nuptials.
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