A Bit Fruity with Matt Bernstein

On the eve of Donald Trump’s second inauguration almost two years ago, a group of young, wealthy MAGA influencers and campus reps threw a gilded ball which would be immortalized in New York Magazine as “The Cruel Kids’ Table.” The Cruel Kids’ sweat-stained tuxedoes and polyester dresses and red hats were absurd but honest: cruelty dominated both the politics and culture of the 2024 election. But two years later, MAGA’s political capital is nonexistent and its cultural cache had shored up. So where are the Cruel Kids? Today, in an effort to circumvent the same cultural amnesia that got us here in the first place, we investigate.

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The belief that a mafia of closeted homosexuals exists within the federal government is not a new one. Neither is the concern that the presence of said homosexuals presents a national security blackmail threat. But the “closetocracy” has found renewed interest not on the openly homophobic right, but within parts of the conspiracy-curious left. When Cenk Uygur of the left-wing talk show The Young Turks announced a documentary called “The CLOSETocracy” about a closeted U.S. senator who allegedly hires gay sex workers, I was excited for my skepticism towards this theory to be proven wrong. After watching the documentary, my skeptecism remains. Today, the gals of In Bed With The Right and I trace the origins of a painful conspiracy and, of course, seek the TRUTH!

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By the end of 2016, former Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly was a “newly-minted feminist icon” according to Vanity Fair. It was strange but true, if you didn’t look closely. The year prior, Megyn had become the primary focus of presidential hopeful Donald Trump’s sexist ire and helped topple a media dynasty when she came forward as a survivor of Fox chairman Roger Ailes. But the world has changed a lot in a decade, and so has Megyn Kelly. Today, we examine how Variety’s “Power of Women” 2016 honoree became the most vicious crusader against women who come forward, a champion for the president who abused her, and someone unrecognizable to her former self.

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The Boston Globe’s biggest story in 2002 was an earth-shattering expose of child abuse within the Catholic Church. The Boston Globe’s biggest story in 2026 was an earth-shattering expose of a dysfunctional lesbian community in a small town in Massachusetts trying to keep a COVID-conscious, masks-required queer bar financially afloat. It’s true, this story has everything: a co-owner ditching the bar for clown school, a therapist mediator accused of being a cop, and of course, some secular hijab-inspired accessories. But I fear an analysis of the story’s immense virality reveals a darker truth, and should encourage us all to reconsider our own online behavior.

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A cultural and political earthquake revolving around Ed Sheeran, Macklemore, and P!nk might have felt semi-plausible in 2012, but certainly not in 2026. And yet! After Macklemore called for a free Palestine at Ed’s concert, a disgruntled P!nk took to Instagram to call for apologies and refunds. In a follow-up essay, the 2000s pop icon clarified she does not need a refund, but wants to make one thing clear: as a Jew, Macklemore’s words made her feel unsafe. Today, Palestinian author and poet Mohammed el-Kurd helps dissect P!nk’s big feelings, the evolving rhetoric of Liberal Zionism, and the power of calling something what it is.

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