We Hate Movies

“It’s all melted together into one chocolate bar of horrible…” - Chris on the Jurassic World sequels
On this week’s episode, the gang’s heading down to the equator to take a dangerous boat ride with Scarlett Johansson and Mahershala Ali in the latest dino-centric sequel, Jurassic World: Rebirth! Is this the most half-baked movie of last year? Why couldn’t ScarJo be a grown up version of Clone Girl from Fallen Kingdom? Why are we so obsessed with referencing the first movie? Why is the story engine just a lame video game plot? Did they have any idea what to do with this mutated dinosaur idea? And were they kidding with that Snickers product placement? PLUS: The Skeleton League touches down on the island to collect Dino-skeletons. 
Jurassic World: Rebirth stars Scarlett Johansson, Mahershala Ali, Jonathan Bailey, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, Luna Blaise, David Iacono, Audrina Miranda, Philippine Velge, Bechir Sylvain, Ed Skrein, and Rupert Friend as Martin Krebs; directed by Gareth Edwards.
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Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!
Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

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“I’ve seen this six times…” - Andrew 
On this month’s We ❤️ Movies episode, we’re chatting about Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest cinematic achievement, One Battle After Another! How absolutely fantastic is Teyana Taylor in this movie? Can we confirm that audiences love it when Leo plays low-status guys? What a year for the legendary Jim Downey, huh? Has there been a better Steely Dan needle drop? And could Sean Penn take his fake nose from this movie and use it to star in a Jimmy Durante biopic? PLUS: Coming next summer, Paul Thomas Anderson’s American Pie featuring the Seann William Scott as Steve Lockjaw! 
One Battle After Another stars Teyana Taylor, Chase Infinity, Leonardo DiCaprio, Regina Hall, Wood Harris, Alana Haim, Shayna McHayle, Paul Grimstad, Dijon Duenas, Brooklyn Demme, Sean Penn, Eric Schweig, Tony Goldwyn, James Downey, John Hoogenakker, Kevin Tighe, James Raterman, April Grace, and Benicio Del Toro as Sensei Sergio St. Carlos; directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.
Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!
Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“I love the music though…” - Eric
On this week’s episode, we’re chatting about the sequel nobody had a hankering for, Tron: Ares! Why do we keep giving Jared Leto chances? Couldn’t they have gone a few more rounds with that script? Why on Earth did we need that ghostly cameo? Is it worth watching these movies sober? Can an amazing soundtrack carry a film all on its own? And how do you not get Bruce Boxleitner a check for this somehow? PLUS: Josh Gad playing the Grid’s seedy porn program guy? Why not?  
Tron: Ares stars Jared Leto, Greta Lee, Evan Peters, Jodie Turner-Smith, Gillian Anderson, Hasan Minhaj, Arturo Castro, Cameron Monaghan, Sarah Desjardins, and Jeff Bridges as Ghost Flynn or something; directed by Joachim Rønning.
Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!
Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“These movies are not made for audiences.” - Steve, on DTS titles like this

On our first episode of 2026 we’re chatting about the direct-to-streaming, holiday-set sequel, The Family Plan 2! Why can’t Wahlberg be icing dudes in this movie? Beyond that great Michael Bay doc that hasn’t come out yet, are we still doing parkour in movies? Should Mark just start doing PVOD Secret Movies? How much of a boost does the on-location shooting give you? Does Kit Harington’s character have an actual plan beyond the vague “power” dream? Why are we cramming Christmas into this film? And doesn’t Michelle Monaghan deserve better than this? PLUS: The Transformers get down with some parkour too!

The Family Plan 2 stars Mark Wahlberg, Michelle Monaghan, Zoe Colletti, Van Crosby, Reda Elazouar, Sidse Babett Knudsen, Sanjeev Baskar, and Kit Harington as Finn Clarke; directed by Simon Cellan Jones.

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Grab your tickets now for the first leg of the 2026 tour! We’ll be in Los Angeles on 2/22, Minneapolis on 3/20 and Chicago on 3/22—don’t wait, snag those tix now!

Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

“All I can think of, is this movie doesn’t know what it’s doing…” - Eric

On our final episode of the year, we’re joining Jamie Lee Curtis and David Copperfield aboard the… Terror Train! Is this one of the better New Year’s Eve-set horror movies or… not so much? How incredible is Jamie Lee, even in this level of horror dreck? Is Hart Bochner’s character diddling dead bodies? Is renting a party train a feasible means of entertainment these days? And why are they dressed up for Halloween on New Year’s Eve? PLUS: Way, way too much close-up magic here, folks! 

Terror Train stars Jamie Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, Hart Bochner, Derek McKinnon, Sandee Currie, Timothy Webber, Anthony Sherwood, Vanity, Joy Boushel, and David Copperfield as The Magician; directed by Roger Spottiswoode.

Don’t miss us next year on the road when we hit Los Angeles (2/22), Minneapolis (3/20) and Chicago (3/22) this winter. Click through to get your 🎟️ now!

Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.