Goldie Lookin Chain

Episode 16 sees the lads bravely hand control of the podcast over to the public — with predictably disastrous results. Armed with Facebook questions and zero organisation, GLC tackle life’s big topics: curry orders when someone else is paying, crisps that gave you the shits, shower-time music, shell suits with missing limbs, and why Burberry absolutely hated them.

🍛 Dream curry orders when Graham’s footing the bill
🥘 Curry house politics: Mahin Spire vs Handpost Tandoori
🚌 The true meaning of Kiosk 113 and where the other 112 kiosks went
🥔 Rare crisps, oven instructions, and instant diarrhoea
🚿 Shower-time music choices and practicing raps while washing your foul
🎤 Songs the band love but don’t play live (and why that’s probably for the best)
🕺 Welcome to Germany and the interpretive dance that cost them most of their audience
🐶 Dogs vs cats, plus historic anti-cat propaganda in the NME
🍺 Gigs ruined (or enhanced) by chemical enthusiasm
🎪 Festival memories involving Red Stripe cans used as microphones
🏨 A corporate gig, lost hotel rooms, drag queens, and promises that went unfulfilled
🧥 Billy’s shell suit sleeves and the international sleeve-sharing agreement
🍻 Who’s worst at drinking beer (and who can sleep holding a pint)
🥪 The ultimate working men’s club buffet: prawns, mini Kievs, egg sandwiches and beige fear
🧢 The fate of Fash, balaclavas, and ideas that never quite took off
🚗 Why the car had to be destroyed and filmed
🚌 Newport bus routes, pub crawls, and not helping pregnant women
🛒 The middle aisle of Lidl: trainers, windcheaters, DIY tools and hidden dildos
💿 Hidden tracks on GLC albums and how CDs used to mess with your head
🛍️ Cwmbran vs Newport (spoiler: Newport wins, obviously)
📻 A wholesome shout-out to the band Radioactive
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Recorded in what the boys describe as an “executive drinking establishment”, this episode quickly descends into medical horror stories, tour flashbacks, dangerous household items, and the boldest claim ever made on audio: 365 skid-mark-free days.

What Happens (In No Particular Order)
🥤 Dry January continues (Coca-Cola, pink lemonade, isotonic Lucozade, and lies)
🎧 The new GLC song Dry January and why cheap videos are better
🫀 A near-death New Year’s Eve DJ set involving Sambuca, Spotify, and partial paralysis
🦷 A tooth falls out mid-Greggs wrap and nobody reacts correctly
🔥 A hot water bottle explodes, nearly destroying a full cock-and-ball ecosystem
📢 Public Service Announcement: hot water bottles can kill you
👖 A deeply forensic debate about skid marks, wiping techniques, and toilet paper quality
🚌 Tour flashbacks: cold venues, bad loos, excellent pubs
🧠 Proof that GLC quizzes should never be attempted sober or organised
🏰 Castles played, seas pooed in, pubs visited, and bands mildly insulted
🍺 Jeremy Clarkson’s pub, his pint, and his imagined string-tied torso
🎤 The official launch of the GLC Tour Quiz, featuring no buzzers and total confusion
🎟️ Tour announcement: “Stairway To Newport” (tickets available, and you'd think there would be a link here but there isn't)
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It’s Dry January. Sort of. Eggsy’s on a “massive can”, Rhys is insisting he is sober, and Producer Paul is spiritually broken after poisoning himself on New Year’s Eve. Together, Rhys & Eggs kick off what may or may not be the first podcast of 2026 ever made, and immediately derail into cans, colours of alcohol, and why mixing drinks will absolutely ruin your life. What follows is a deep, dangerous dive into old press interviews from 2009, fan Q&As that should never have been answered, and proof that the internet used to just print anything you told it.

New Single out now

Key GLC Science Facts
People were younger in 2009 than they are now
Mixing drink colours is a medical disaster
Charity shops peaked in the early 2000s
If you can smell your own balls, something has gone wrong
Press interviews were better when journalists didn’t fact-check

What Goes Down
🍺 Dry January chat (aka Can-uary, Dry-Jan-Except-Lager, and “I’ll start on the 13th”)
🎵 Talking the new GLC song Dry Jan — shot on a phone, in a cricket club, featuring Eggsy’s dad
📉 Proof that cheaper videos = better songs
📰 Revisiting a cursed 2009 Female First interview that somehow still exists online
🧥 How to dress like GLC (answer: charity shops, nosy women, skid-marked pants)
🍞 Gourmet recipes including Bread & Salt and eating your own snot
🎬 Who should play GLC in a film (spoiler: Ian Lavender from Dad’s Army)
🚌 Tour memories involving hangovers, northern train stations, frozen feet, and no food
🧠 Admitting that for the first five years of the band, everything said to the press was a lie
🎤 The best and worst things about touring (mostly smells, buses, and balls)
🗑️ Why charity shops are dead and Vinted ruined everything
🎭 David Bowie impressions nobody asked for
🛑 A firm reminder at the end: don’t kill dogs
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Strap in as the boys revisit:
🚌 Tour bus poo-bag etiquette (“feel the weight, boys!”)
😂 Bouncy castle death traps at Exeter Uni
🧼 Towel-obsessed tour managers
🇺🇸 Getting stoned before US visa interviews
✈️ New York madness at the Roger Smith Hotel
🔥 Los Angeles apartments, dressing gowns & room-service marathons
🎤 Robbie Williams asking to join GLC (denied)
🍖 Chicago meat feasts + Mike’s teeth falling out mid-steak
🤝 Meeting Cliff from the Flaming Lips
🎸 Ash turning up at gigs and loving the carnage
🥵 Discovering that human beings actually need water
🕺 A Riverdance lad trying (and failing) to impress in a dive bar
🤣 Adam’s poo-vomit ritual explained (sadly)
Plus: Willie Nelson / Willie Thorne confusion, American salad buffets from hell, and Misty believing for 18 straight months that a mysterious bearded man wanted to interview him.
If you’ve ever thought, “What was it REALLY like when GLC cracked America?” — this is the episode. Spoiler: America wasn’t ready.
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Eggsy and Adam (later Rhys) crack open a warm tour can and take us on a magical mystery ride through the 2025 GLC tour:
Manchester – Misty appears like the Welsh Elton John, crowd goes absolutely batshit, and some bloke called Dom drinks alone in the dressing room.
Kendall – Chef chops off half his finger and bleeds all over the fish and chips. Very rock ’n’ roll.
Margate – The boys drink in a pub that might be called “The Bag o’ Buckets” or something. Adam goes home early for Bullseye.
Bexhill – Eggsy has a pre-show dinner of ice cream followed by a Pot Noodle. Athlete.
Newcastle – Ladyboys of Bangkok next door; Billy does 10 poos; someone gets smashed in a beer hall; Rhys injures his leg after two songs and ends up being medically laughed at by NHS staff.
Hull – A pub so terrifying even GLC walk straight back out.
Nottingham – Longest graffiti penis ever documented.
Exmouth to Falmouth – Trego Mills nearly causes a religious experience. Pete Doherty’s dog exposes its luminous anus.
Frome – Adam once performed an entire gig four seconds behind reality.
Bridgend – The beer tastes like farts and everyone has to move dressing rooms mid-gig.
Ipswich – The lads stay up late watching a sci-fi porno on Talking Pictures TV that scarred them spiritually.
Oxford – Beef pie dream achieved; Adam pukes on his own poo and is reborn stronger.
Reading – Full English served in a bowl, ghost made of glittery smoke appears in the corridor.
Southampton – The boys all fall asleep on sofas and Adam makes a tiny mouse-squeak in his sleep that becomes the highlight of the tour.
Another place – Venue staff demand an extra 15 minutes of rapping; GLC politely refuse and drink heavily at a golf club instead.
The boys close with a reminder that next year’s tour is Stairway to Newport, featuring their ongoing search for the mythical perfect steak and ale pie — roaring fire, pub dog (but not one with worms), proper ale, shortcrust pastry, the lot.
This episode is 55 minutes of pure Newport chaos that you’ll never get back — but you’ll be glad you spent it.
BECOME A MEMBER OF THE GOLDIE LOOKIN PODCAST ON PATREON

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