The Love Doc Podcast

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.Episode 27 "The Anxious Pre-Occupied." In this insightful episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley delves into the intricate world of the anxious preoccupied (AP) attachment style, which she refers to as the “least common” attachment style she encounters in her practice. While many clients initially come to her thinking that they are AP, Dr. Hensley explains that they often turn out to be fearful avoidant (FA), but think they are AP becuase thier anxiety is heightened due to a dismissive partner. She begins by distinguishing the anxious preoccupied from the fearful avoidant attachment, emphasizing how their formation and behaviors differ.Dr. Hensley provides a thorough explanation of the key factor behind the development of AP attachment: intermittent reinforcement. She describes how AP individuals often experienced inconsistent love and affection from one or both caregivers during childhood. This unpredictability created anxiety and a deep-seated fear of not knowing when they would receive the love they craved.How AP Behaviors Show Up in RelationshipsDr. Hensley explains that anxious preoccupied behaviors in adulthood often stem from early coping mechanisms, including a fawning response. As children, they learned to please their caregivers to gain more consistent love and affection, which translates into adult tendencies of people-pleasing. During conflict, AP individuals often sacrifice their boundaries to maintain harmony and emotional safety, leaving them feeling as though their own needs are never met.A central wound of the AP is the fear of abandonment. Dr. Hensley shares how this manifests as a need to keep peace at all costs, leading AP individuals to apologize even when they don’t know what they’re apologizing for. The toxic trait of codependency frequently appears in their relationships, with APs adopting the belief that “if you’re not okay, I’m not okay.” This fear of abandonment drives them to prioritize their partner’s emotional state over their own, further entrenching unhealthy dynamics.Interestingly, Dr. Hensley notes that APs may sometimes appear dismissive or detached during conflict. However, this is not disassociation but rather a strategy to remain emotionally “safe” by staying silent. Internally, their nervous system is overwhelmed by intense emotions, but they struggle to release or process them.Steps Toward HealingMidway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts focus to practical strategies for AP individuals to heal and regain balance in their relationships. She emphasizes two foundational tools:1. Setting and Maintaining BoundariesAP individuals must learn to set clear, firm boundaries and resist the urge to self-abandon to please others.2. Improving CommunicationDr. Hensley highlights the importance of speaking up and addressing dissatisfaction directly instead of resorting to passive-aggressive behaviors, which stem from their fear of abandonment.By recognizing these patterns and intentionally shifting their behaviors, APs can move away from toxic submissiveness and toward healthier relational dynamics.Why AP Is the Least Seen Attachment StyleAs the episode nears its conclusion, Dr. Hensley shares why the anxious preoccupied is the least common attachment style in her practice. She attributes this to the AP’s deep-seated pride and belief that they can “fix” themselves and their relationships without outside help. AP individuals often tie their self-worth to the success of their relationships, perpetuating a cycle of self-reliance and resistance to professional support.Listener Q&A: Can Attachment Styles Shift?Dr. Hensley wraps up by answering a common question about attachment: Can someone shift from being AP to FA or DA? She clarifies that while all attachment styles share overlapping traits, it’s rare for a person to completely shift styles, except when progressing toward secure attachment. The core wounds of attachment are formed in childhood and cannot be undone, but healing is always possible.This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling with AP tendencies or seeking to understand the nuances of attachment in relationships. Dr. Hensley’s compassionate approach and actionable advice make this an empowering resource for personal growth.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: the_dating_decoderInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyWhat is covered:·The behaviors of the Anxious Pre-Occupied.       .Intermittent Reinforcement as a key factor in the formulation of Anxious Pre-Occupied attachment style.· How AP's show up in relationships.·Steps towards healing Anxious Pre-Occupied Attachment.   .Why the Anxious Pre-Occupied is the least seen attachment style in Dr. Hensley's practice.                                                                                      Consider/Ask Yourself:·Do you think that you are Anxious Pre-Occupied when you may actually be Fearful Avoidant?·Did you grow up with a fairly good childhood but feel like you got inconsistent love and affection from one or both of your caregivers?.Are you self abadoning inside of your relationship?·How can you start setting healthy boundries within your relationship and how can you start to stick to them?.How can I learn to express my needs and wants within my relationship in a healthy and compassionate way?.Do I need to seek help and intervention for my AP attachment style? 

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.In episode 26, titled Radical Acceptance, Dr. Hensley delves into the powerful concept of radical acceptance and its impact on emotional well-being. She opens by defining radical acceptance as the practice of embracing reality without self-judgment, especially when it’s challenging. Dr. Hensley explains how shame can disrupt our nervous system, often fueling a sense of failure that persists despite outward success. Sharing her personal journey, she reflects on moments of feeling inadequate, even while balancing a thriving career and family life, describing times she felt she “dropped the ball” as a parent and business owner.Drawing on insights from nervous system expert Dana Doswell from episode 19, Dr. Hensley underscores that how we approach our tasks, with grace and acceptance, is often more important than what we do. This foundation, she explains, is central to radical acceptance, where the practice becomes a conscious effort to recognize that one’s efforts are “enough,” even amid mistakes.Throughout the episode, Dr. Hensley and Raina share real-life stories, touching on childhood experiences of shame. They highlight how fostering radical acceptance in children—around mistakes and natural bodily changes—helps build resilience. Dr. Hensley then explores why radical acceptance is particularly difficult for overachievers and perfectionists. These individuals often link their self-worth to being “the best,” struggling to relinquish control and falling into self-criticism when they cannot accomplish it all.In a candid segment, Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss their own experiences grappling with radical acceptance of past relationships, particularly with their children’s fathers. Raina opens up about working through sexual shame from a past abusive relationship, acknowledging the growth in her journey to accept herself fully. Dr. Hensley explains that radical acceptance also means facing painful realities without minimizing their impact. It involves acknowledging trauma and choosing healing over victimhood, with radical acceptance serving as the foundation for this journey.Finally, Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of accountability in relationships as a form of radical acceptance. Owning one’s mistakes and apologizing fosters authenticity and vulnerability, she explains, strengthening connections and creating a regulated nervous system. This journey of accountability and repair exemplifies radical acceptance as an honest acknowledgment of human fallibility—embracing, learning, and growing from each experience.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: the_dating_decoderInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyWhat is covered:     *What is radical acceptance.     *How Dana Doswell, nervous system regulation expert, describes radical acceptance.*The importance of fostering radical acceptance in our children.*Why radical acceptance is so difficult for overachievers and perfectionist.*Radical acceptance of past selves .       *Radical accountabilty equals radical acceptance. Consider/Ask Yourself:*Are you beating yourself up too often over things that are outside of your control?*Are you able to recognize when you are not practicing acceptance and how it affects your nervous system?       *Are you an overachiever and perfectionist to the point where you are unable to reliquish control and properly delegate task?*How can I practice radical acceptance of my past self? *Can I start to take more radical accountability and radical acceptance inside of my romantic relationship? 

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting.Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.In episode 25: “It’s a Capacity Issue,” Dr. Hensley takes listeners on an in-depth journey into the concept of building capacity, emphasizing that true change and healing require more than just awareness and understanding. She explains that building capacity is about bridging the gap between intellectual understanding and actionable change, which requires specific mediators between the pathways of knowledge and behavior.Dr. Hensley begins by discussing the psychoeducation she provides in her group coaching programs to help participants develop this capacity. She underscores that awareness alone doesn’t create transformation; instead, certain mental and emotional tools are essential to support lasting change. One of the first components she covers is self-regulation, which she describes as the ability to bring the nervous system to a place of safety. This can be challenging, she notes, particularly for those carrying attachment wounds from childhood, which shape their responses in adulthood.Using the dismissive avoidant (DA) attachment style as a key example, Dr. Hensley delves into how attachment wounds are formed and how those with DA tendencies can build capacity for change. She discusses how early experiences of suppression and dismissal impact the DA’s brain, leading them to default to a freeze response during conflict. This response reflects the limits of their nervous system’s capacity at that moment, which, though protective, often cuts off connection to their partner.At the midpoint of the episode, Dr. Hensley introduces the tools she provides in her hybrid group coaching program, highlighting metacognition as a crucial skill. She teaches clients to recognize and dismantle their trigger cycles, tracing the journey from trigger to trauma response. By giving the nervous system new, healthier experiences, clients can begin to build new neural pathways that reinforce these changes, helping them gradually shift their patterns.Dr. Hensley explains the science of neuroplasticity, emphasizing that everyone has the power to rewire their brains and reshape their behavior. However, she reminds listeners that the journey from awareness to actual change requires specific guidance and support.In the episode’s conclusion, Dr. Hensley explores the concept of radical self-acceptance. She encourages listeners to meet themselves where they are to start creating a sense of safety within their nervous system, which is foundational to building capacity. She also shares more about her coaching services, explaining how each program can support individuals or couples in their journey of growth, healing, and connection.Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkoutTik-Tok: the_dating_decoderInstagram: @the_dating_decoderFacebook: The Dating DecoderYoutube: @Dr.SarahHensleyWhat is covered:. What it means to build capacity.·The difference in having awareness and knowledge versus true integration of changed behavior. ·The psychoeducation taught in Dr. Hensley's group services.·Self regulation and what it means..The example of the Dismissive Avoidant and how they can start to build capacity.       .Metacognition and what it means.                                                                             Consider/Ask Yourself:· Is your nervous system ready to start building capacity? . Have you had time to process your wounds, build awarness and knowlege around them so that you can start to change the behavior associated with them?. Are you practicing self regulation practices when triggered?. How can I start recognizing my triggers and the trauma responses associated with them?. How can I start attuning to my basic human needs and practicing radical self acceptance so that my nervous system can feel safe and I can start building better capcity for change?

Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. In Episode 24: “Unoffendable” of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley dives deep into a candid exploration of our modern, easily-offended culture and the toll it takes on our nervous systems and resilience. She reflects on how people today are quick to take offense at differing opinions, which often disrupts our emotional balance and has created a deeply divided society. While Dr. Hensley emphasizes that true atrocities—such as murder, sexual abuse, and human trafficking—should rightfully offend us all, she raises concerns about the rise in offense over differences in thought and belief. This, she argues, is eroding respect and open-mindedness in society. Dr. Hensley introduces the importance of emotional resilience versus emotional suppression. She’s clear: she is not advocating for suppressing emotions but promoting emotional resilience. This means developing the capacity to accept others’ views, even when they differ from our own, without offense or alienation. She encourages introspection, urging listeners to question why certain things offend them. Offense, she explains, arises when we feel triggered or violated, highlighting the need for self-understanding as a way to manage these responses. In a thought-provoking segment, Dr. Hensley explains Terror Management Theory, which suggests that when our values or identity feel threatened, it subconsciously evokes fear of mortality, making us feel defensive and offended. Her aim is to help listeners understand that choosing offense can narrow our minds and breed hate, especially in the age of online exchanges where it’s easy to react harshly from behind a screen. Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley emphasizes that these principles are vital in our closest relationships—particularly with partners, family, and friends. Constant offense, she warns, can rob us of joy and precious time. Instead, she encourages a spirit of curiosity, asking listeners to lean into understanding rather than immediate judgment. By challenging not just others’ thoughts but our own, we can foster genuine connection and potentially gain new insights. As Dr. Hensley wraps up Episode 24: “Unoffendable”, she drives home the importance of looking inward. She advocates for listeners to pause and reflect on why certain things offend them, encouraging them to get curious about others’ points of view rather than reacting. By exploring differing perspectives, she suggests, we can gain valuable insight into our own beliefs and responses. Her hope is that this practice can foster greater empathy and understanding, ultimately helping to bridge divides and bring us closer together in a more united world. This episode serves as both a challenge and a reminder from Dr. Hensley to practice resilience, self-reflection, and compassion in a world quick to divide. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: ·       The spirit of offense in today's culture.  ·       The toll that being easily offended takes on the nervous system.  ·       The importance of creating grit and curiosity in our children so that can be open minded to others points of view.  ·       What happens when we become offended.  .       Terror Management Theory. What is it and how does it apply to offensiveness.  .        The importance of gaining control and clarity around our offensivness within our most imtimate relationships.                                                                                 Consider/Ask Yourself: ·       Are you becoming too easily offended? ·       Are you able to recognize when you are offended and how it affects your day to day life? ·       How can I create more grit and curiosity within myself in order to teach my children the same practices? .        How am I allowing offensivness to affect my most important relationships, and in turn how is it affecting my body and mind? .       How can I gain more insight around why certain things offend me?