Morning Crankers: Comedy - News & Outrageous Real-Life Stories

• Magnet Lanterns, Alien Sun-Bullets & Tortilla Probation | Morning Crankers Podcast

  In today’s precision-engineered episode of Morning Crankers, Hans calmly dissects a world that appears increasingly allergic to normal. Scientists have invented a magnet-driven lantern that folds, crawls, and gently kidnaps fish. Astronomers are tracking a mysterious interstellar object on a direct path toward our star — “probably a comet” in the same tone people use to say “probably not haunted.” The legendary Sandy Hook sea serpent has re-entered public conversation like folklore that refuses to clock out. Texas Tech has officially declared tortillas a security threat. One school discovered — mid-drag lesson for eight-year-olds — that policies are not a myth. D.C. says the government shutdown will end “soon,” which historically means “prepare winter rations.” And finally — a lion escaped a moving truck through the roof hatch like it subscribed to convertible culture by instinct.Delivered with surgical calm, cultural absurdity, and zero panic — this episode is proof the simulation interns are no longer supervised.If you like your news filtered through caffeine, logic, and disbelief restraint — you are home.#MorningCrankers #Hans #MagneticLantern #InterstellarObject #AlienProbe #SeaSerpent #TexasTech #TortillaBan #CulturalAbsurdity #PodcastNews #ComedyPodcast #DeadpanHumor #DailyPodcast #SmartComedy #StayCaffeinated #SimulationGlitchSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• AI Glasses, Ballpark Bites & Buried Treasure: The Morning Crankers Get Weird (and Hungry)

  On today’s Morning Crankers Podcast, Jeremy dives headfirst into the chaotic corners of curiosity — from the rise of AI glasses and their questionable uses, to the most iconic foods in Major League Baseball, to a shocking Spanish treasure discovery off the coast of Florida! And just when you thought it couldn’t get more random, we’re hitting you with 25 hilarious nonsense questions about life that’ll make you laugh, think, and question humanity all over again.This episode is a rollercoaster of absurdity, tech talk, and tasty nostalgia — the perfect blend of humor and hot takes you’ve come to expect from Morning Crankers. Whether you’re into AI gone rogue, fried dough at a ballpark, or pirate gold in the sunshine state, there’s something for everyone in this laugh-filled, caffeine-fueled episode.☕ Tune in, crank up, and laugh your way through another unpredictable ride with Morning Crankers.#MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #AIGlasses #BaseballFood #SpanishTreasure #FunnyQuestions #LifeQuestions #WeirdNews #AIHumor #TreasureHunting #BaseballFans #TechComedy #PodcastHumor #FloridaTreasure #MLBFood #MorningShow #JeremyHanson #LaughOutLoud #ComedyTalkShowSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• "When Nature Bites Back: Sharks, Squirrels, and Science Queens – Morning Crankers Laugh Through October 10th"

  It’s October 10th, and the Morning Crankers crew is back to bite into the wildest headlines with a full cup of caffeine and zero filters. From the rising wave of animal attacks—including bear and shark encounters that’ll make you check your backyard twice—to funny correlations between women and modern science, this episode is packed with laughter, facts, and just the right amount of chaos.We also sink our teeth into Monster, the Netflix show everyone’s buzzing about, unwrap some sweet intrigue around Dubai’s luxury chocolate obsession, and cool things off with the latest innovation in ice batteries—because even our energy tech is getting frosty. It’s part comedy, part current events, part “what did I just hear?”—and 100% Morning Crankers.Join Hans as he serves up brain fuel, belly laughs, and bizarre facts you didn’t know you needed to start your day right. #MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #WeirdNews #FunnyPodcast #AnimalAttacks #SharkAttacks #WomenInScience #NetflixMonster #DubaiChocolate #IceBatteries #NationalDays #October10th #LaughingAtTheNews #SmartComedy #CaffeinatedChaos #MorningShow #PodcastHumor #CurrentEventsComedy #CoffeeAndChaos #DailyLaughsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• Morning Crankers Forgotten Pants, Politics & Paper Bags – Hilarious News You Can’t Make Up

  Start your day with a caffeine-fueled comedy ride in this episode of Morning Crankers: Pants, Politics & Paper Bags. Hans takes you through seven jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud stories that prove the world has officially gone off the rails. From the Birmingham woman who forgot her PANTS and a Florida principal busted for a $37 Walmart heist, to a UK carjacker wielding a paper bag as his “weapon,” the stupidity is strong today.Sports fans get their share too: Jerry Jones compares a tie to “kissing your sister,” Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show announcement sparks internet chaos, and golf melts down with Bryson DeChambeau punching himself while Rory McIlroy faces squeaky rubber ducks at the Ryder Cup. Add in a Florida duo caught with 200 pounds of stolen mail, and you’ve got a 40-minute rollercoaster of pure ridiculousness.If you love morning radio chaos, dumb criminal stories, weird sports news, and caffeinated rants that mix comedy with WTF headlines, this episode is your new guilty pleasure. Grab your coffee, double-check you’re wearing pants, and let’s crank it.#MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #FunnyNews #DumbCriminals #FloridaMan #NoPantsLady #PaperBagCarjacker #JerryJones #BadBunny #SuperBowlHalftime #StolenMail #GolfMeltdown #SportsComedy #PodcastComedy #CaffeinatedComedy #MorningShow #WeirdNews #StandUpStylePodcast #LaughOutLoud #CrankItSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• Orgy Domes, Cyborg Bunnies & Surprise Babies: The Madness of Morning Crankers”

  This week on Morning Crankers, we crank up the chaos and laughter with stories you couldn’t make up if you tried. From a woman who didn’t realize she was pregnant until she delivered a 7.8-pound baby (talk about a surprise gift bag) to the infamous Orgy Dome at Burning Man literally blowing away in the desert wind, the headlines are as unhinged as ever.But that’s not all—we dive into the toxic traits of today’s dating scene, explore Florida’s bizarre new plan to unleash cyborg bunnies to hunt pythons, and react to the jaw-dropping discovery of 97 cars pulled out of a Chicago river investigation. Oh, and in Denmark, a zoo has the audacity to ask people to donate their family pets… as food. Yes, you read that right.This episode is a full-on carnival of WTF moments, unfiltered commentary, and our signature comedic spin on the strange, the shocking, and the straight-up stupid. Grab your coffee (or something stronger)—you’ll need it.#MorningCrankers #ComedyPodcast #WeirdNews #OrgyDome #BurningMan #FloridaMan #CyborgBunnies #ChicagoMystery #ZooGoneWild #SurpriseBaby #DatingToxicTraits #ComedyGold #WTFNewsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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