The Art of Charm

• Radical Listening: Transform Your Relationships | Christian van Nieuwerburgh and Robert Biswas-Diener

  In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener and Professor Christian van Nieuwerburgh, authors of Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection. Together, they unpack a new framework for transforming your conversations—not with better scripts, but with sharper intention. Drawing from psychology, coaching, and decades of research, we explore the six listening motivations, why “active listening” falls short, and how to avoid the silent killers of connection—like half-listening, politeness, and certainty. Whether you're leading a team, navigating tough conversations, or simply tired of being misunderstood, this episode is a masterclass in making people feel truly seen, heard, and valued. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Introduction [00:03:08] What is Radical Listening and how does it go beyond active listening? [00:06:49] Six listening intentions—and how they change everything [00:09:55] How to set the stage for hard conversations with appreciation, not authority [00:17:34] Why quick, genuine care matters more than long, empty check-ins [00:25:17] The myth of being a “great listener” and what most high performers miss [00:34:33] Why watching yourself on video can instantly improve your listening [00:38:12] What does “listening for” versus “listening to” actually mean? [00:45:33] The real cost of half-listening—and why it breaks trust [00:51:26] How to interject without interrupting—and why it’s actually radical empathy Episode Takeaways: You’re not being ignored because you're unimportant—people are stuck in half-attention. Flip the script by modeling radical listening. Start with intention. Every conversation is a choice—validate, influence, learn, support. Know what you’re there to do. Interruptions aren’t rude if they’re respectful. Interject to amplify, not hijack. In your leadership, it's not what you say—it’s how you show you care. A 60-second check-in can change someone’s entire day. Half-listening is worse than not listening at all. Either be fully present—or ask to talk later.The best listeners aren’t born—they’re trained. Develop your awareness like a skill, not a trait. A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection CoachOnAMotorcycle.com (Christian’s site) IntentionalHappiness.com (Robert’s site) Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  1:17:45
• 3-Step Framework That Turns Strangers into Friends [Social Intelligence Brief]

  Moving to a new city can feel like starting over—but it doesn’t have to. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down a science-backed three-step strategy to plug into a brand-new social circle in weeks, not months. Whether you’re relocating or just looking to shake up your current routine, you’ll learn how to find the right spaces, start meaningful conversations, and turn physical activity into instant connection. Plus, you’ll walk away with this week’s Triple Stack Challenge that jumpstarts your social success. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why moving is the perfect moment to build a better social life [00:02:00] The danger of bubble living—and how to break out of it [00:03:30] What is a “third place” and why it’s the secret to meeting new people [00:07:30] Johnny’s story: How bartending made him everyone’s first friend [00:09:00] Client story: How Luke built a social circle through a run club and open mic [00:10:00] Framework #2: The “Because Disclosure” to trigger instant trust [00:12:00] How to make small talk meaningful with personal micro-disclosure [00:13:00] Framework #3: Use physical activity to create social glue [00:14:00] Client story: From workouts to racketball to finding your tribe [00:15:00] Weekly Practice Plan: Block time, script disclosures, and test workouts [00:16:00] Triple Stack Challenge: Third place → Opener → Invite Episode Takeaways Within the first 90 days of moving, forming one close tie can increase happiness by over 50% Avoid "bubble living" by identifying a third place outside work and home Repeated presence at third places creates propinquity—we like who we see often Use “because disclosures” to spark trust and show vulnerability instantly Even trivial reasons build connection, thanks to Ellen Langer’s Xerox study Join group physical activities (run clubs, fitness classes, rec sports) for biochemical bonding Use the Triple Stack: Pick a third place, open with a disclosure, invite to an activity Prep matters—script disclosures, treat social outings like meetings, and take brief notes after interactions to increase recall and follow-up success A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. ⁠DCM Insights⁠ ⁠The Activator Advantage: What Today's Rainmakers Do Differently⁠ ⁠The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation⁠ ⁠HBR: What Today’s Rainmakers Do Differently⁠ ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  21:51
• 3 Traits of Rainmakers: What Top Performers Do Differently | Matt Dixon

  In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Matt Dixon, co-author of The Challenger Sale and The Activator Advantage. In today’s conversation, Matt Dixon reveals why the professionals dominating in today’s market aren’t necessarily the most credentialed, but the most proactive. We explore Matt’s research across 3,000 professionals and break down the five business development personas, highlighting the unique traits and habits that make the “Activator” profile the highest performer of them all. Whether you're in sales, consulting, law, or simply trying to future-proof your career, adopting the activator mindset can radically shift how you're perceived and what doors open next. This episode will show you how to stop waiting for opportunity—and start creating it. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why clients forget about you—and how activators stay top of mind [00:01:14] The 5 business development personas and why activators win [00:09:56] Data shows activators are the top performers—and least likely to fail [00:17:52] How activators manage their network like a pipeline—not a popularity contest [00:24:13] The myth of being annoying: why clients want more outreach, not less [00:33:08] “No” isn’t the end: how activators turn rejection into opportunity [00:39:24] The 4-part insight framework for opening doors with ideas [00:45:57] Why you must prune stale relationships to stay high-impact [00:54:49] The activator approach to events: plan, target, and follow through [01:01:53] Don’t just post on LinkedIn—why DMs and engagement matter more Episode Takeaways: Activators don't rely on being top of mind—they engineer it by adding value consistently. Smart professionals build leverage by helping others long before there's anything to gain. Great client relationships aren’t the result of great work—they're often the cause of it. Build trust early, not just after the sale. No doesn’t mean never. Activators stay present, learn why they lost, and often get the callback when things go sideways. Learn to prune. Keep your “inner circle” warm. Everyone else? Let them go. A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. DCM Insights The Activator Advantage: What Today's Rainmakers Do Differently The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation HBR: What Today’s Rainmakers Do Differently AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  1:18:58
• Networking on Easy‑Mode: 3 Proven Plays [Social Intelligence Brief]

  Most networking advice feels awkward, outdated, or downright useless—until now. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak hand you three conversation frameworks that eliminate the stress of small talk and turn fleeting chats into lasting relationships. Whether you dread mixers or freeze up trying to sell your value, this episode walks you through one opener, one value exchange, and one graceful exit line that make you the most memorable person in the room. Plus, you'll learn why your follow-up rates are failing—and how to fix them in under 30 seconds. What to Listen For [00:00:00] The "name badge invisibility" feeling and why mixers cause anxiety [00:02:00] Starter Line Framework: Make observations that spark real conversations [00:06:00] Value Exchange Framework: Flip small talk into collaboration [00:08:30] How to offer value without sounding salesy or forced [00:10:30] Client story: How one line turned a stranger into a business partner [00:13:30] The Peak-End Rule and how to leave people remembering you fondly [00:14:30] Follow-up hack: 25% boost in memory with a two-line recap [00:16:00] This week’s challenge: Run the loop—starter, value, exit—and DM your results Episode Takeaways People consistently underestimate how much others like them—this is called the liking gap Use context-rich openers that are novel and observational to stand out in any crowd Instead of pitching, build bridges with value recognition and small favors A clear, appreciative exit is often the most memorable part of the interaction The Peak-End Rule means people judge conversations by the emotional high point and ending Write down just two lines after a conversation to increase your recall and follow-up success Preparing just three lines before a mixer can turn dread into confidence Great networking isn't about working the room—it's about running the loop with intent Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! A Word From Our Sponsors Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. ⁠Negotiations Collective website⁠ ⁠Scott Tillema’s website⁠ ⁠Scott Tillema on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  18:09
• 4 Principles of Influence from a Hostage Negotiator | Scott Tillema

  In this episode of The Art of Charm, retired SWAT hostage negotiator Scott Tillema shares his battle-tested four-part framework for leading difficult conversations, defusing high-stakes conflicts, and influencing others with clarity and confidence. Trained by the FBI and Harvard, Scott now brings these skills to the boardroom, equipping leaders with the same life-saving tools he once used in crisis negotiations. Whether you're navigating a tense meeting, resolving conflict on your team, or having a hard conversation at home, this episode will show you how to lead with calm authority. Scott reveals why tactical empathy is more powerful than persuasion, how to control your emotional state when the pressure’s on, and what most people get wrong about timing, tone, and respect. [00:00:00] Introduction [00:02:47] Why your negotiation partner is not your opponent — and how that shift changes everything [00:10:50] The biggest mistake leaders make when trying to influence others [00:16:02] How to mentally prepare for high-pressure conversations using tactical breathing [00:22:34] The transformation that happens when you stop learning and start embodying [00:27:15] How to know when it’s the right time to speak — and when it’s too soon [00:30:46] Delivery over content: Why how you say it matters more than what you say [00:34:19] The four pillars of respect that drive every meaningful negotiation [00:38:40] How autonomy — even in small doses — creates buy-in and trust [00:43:22] A high-stakes negotiation that failed — and what Scott learned from it [00:49:04] Why you should never tell someone you’re reading their body language You’re negotiating all the time — with your boss, your spouse, your coworkers. If you want influence, connection comes first. The best negotiators aren't master persuaders. They're master listeners. Tactical empathy isn’t manipulation. It’s leadership. People don’t respond to logic — they respond to tone, timing, and emotional safety. Respect isn’t about politeness — it’s about fairness, autonomy, recognition, and empathy. Conflict isn’t a threat. It's an opportunity to lead with poise and purpose. Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level?  Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Negotiations Collective website Scott Tillema’s website Scott Tillema on LinkedIn AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our SponsorsResources from this EpisodeCheck in with AJ and Johnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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  1:03:49

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