The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women

This week on The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, Salma sits down with Spozhmi, an Afghan-Canadian woman, to share her journey of discovering her sexuality, falling in love with her partner of 10 years, and choosing herself in the face of cultural and familial pressure.
From being taken back to Afghanistan for an arranged marriage… to secretly building a relationship with a woman… to coming out to her family twice - first through a handwritten letter, and years later again over the phone - this is a story about love, identity, and the cost of living your truth.
Later in the episode, her partner Taylor joins to share what it’s been like navigating this journey together.
A powerful conversation on love, belonging, and breaking generational patterns.
To learn more about Spozhmi’s work, visit lovenaturally.ca 
HELP KEEP THE POD ALIVE FOR 2026, DONATE TO OUR GOFUNDME: https://gofund.me/f646f3082 

CREDITS: 
 Host & Creator: Salma Hindy
 Executive Producer: Salma Hindy
 Written By: Salma Hindy
 Edited By: Salma Hindy
 Artwork: Rana Omar
© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2026
Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy
HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy

For years, this has been the number one question she’s been asked: Why did you take the hijab off? In this deeply personal solo episode, Salma finally shares the full story, five years later.

This wasn’t one decision made in one moment. It was a long, painful, complicated unraveling shaped by heartbreak, therapy, faith, isolation, family pressure, and the slow realization that her relationship to the hijab was tied to much more than modesty. Salma reflects on growing up loving the hijab, the comfort and identity it gave her, and what began to surface when she started questioning religion, power, hypocrisy, and her own autonomy.

She opens up about the first time she ever went out without it, the fear she carried around her father, the grief of disappointing her family, and the devastation that followed choosing herself. She also speaks to the beauty that still exists in her relationship to Islam, and why this story is not about rejecting her faith, but about being honest about what this journey has actually cost her.

One of Salma’s most intimate episodes yet, this is a conversation about faith, identity, family, and the courage it takes to choose yourself - even when it changes everything.

This episode is for the Muslim girls. I love you.

HELP KEEP THE POD ALIVE FOR 2026, DONATE TO OUR GOFUNDME: https://gofund.me/f646f3082

CREDITS:
 Host & Creator: Salma Hindy
Executive Producer: Salma Hindy
Associate Producer: Rania Harris
Videographer & Sound Engineer: Patrick Samaha
Writer: Salma Hindy
Editor: Luke Davis
Studio: 30 Irving Studios
Artwork: Rana Omar

© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2026
Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy
HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy

Vaginismus is curable. And it’s not something that should take years.
In this episode, Salma sits down with pelvic floor physiotherapist and “Vagina Rehab Doctor” Janelle Howell to unpack the truth about sexual pain, healing, and what it actually takes to feel safe and connected in your body. What starts as a conversation about vaginismus quickly opens into something much bigger: shame, religion, pleasure, power, and the way so many women have been taught to disconnect from themselves.
Salma shares her full journey: from experiencing searing pain during her first sexual encounter, to navigating dilators, hookups, injury, and slowly finding her way to pleasure and confidence. Janelle breaks down why vaginismus is both physical and psychological, why so many treatments fall short, and how women can heal faster when they’re actually taught how to understand and trust their bodies.
She shares that most of the women she works with are married. Many of them struggle in silence for years, unable to consummate their relationships. And yes, healing is possible for everyone: one woman was finally able to have sex after 16 years of marriage…in cowgirl!
Janelle’s 5-step approach to healing includes: acknowledging fear and pain patterns, understanding and releasing the pelvic floor, guided dilation and tissue work, rebuilding confidence, and safely transitioning to penetration with a partner.
This episode is for the Muslim girlies everywhere navigating vaginismus in silence - carrying shame, confusion, and pressure without the language or support to understand what’s happening in your body. You are not alone in this. There is nothing wrong with you. In the words of Dr. Janelle, “your body is not broken, it’s bougie.” Healing is possible for you, so long as you have an obnoxious amount of hope.
Donate to our GoFundMe to keep the pod afloat for 2026: https://gofund.me/f646f3082 
CREDITS: 
 Host & Creator: Salma Hindy
 Executive Producer: Salma Hindy
 Associate Producer: Rania Harris
 Videographer & Sound Engineer: Patrick Samaha
 Writer: Salma Hindy
 Editor: Salma Hindy
 Studio: 30 Irving Studios
 Artwork: Rana Omar
© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2026

Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy
HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy

In this deeply personal solo episode, Salma reflects on the two heartbreaks that changed her life (one romantic, one a friendship) and the painful realization that she was the one who ended them.
Two years ago, after losing her family, moving 19 times, living in survival mode, and spiraling through manic travel, chaos, and sexual hunger, Salma met two people who were sweet, sensitive, and safe. And when things started to feel intimate…she panicked.
For the first time, she explores her avoidant attachment - not the anxious narrative she used to blame men for, but the part of her that burns things down when they get too good. She opens up about how she pushed away Joaquin (the only man in America she’s slept with), how she sabotaged her friendship with Didi, and how her nervous system (dysregulated, grieving, and terrified of real intimacy) made her mistake sweetness for danger.
This episode includes excerpts from letters exchanged between Salma and her therapist as they closed two years of therapy together. It’s raw. It’s recent. And it’s the most honest she’s been about her patterns.
She talks about:
Growing up in dysfunction and confusing chaos for connection
Why her avoidance shows up when things are going well, NOT during conflict
Trauma bonding vs. true intimacy
Sexual imprinting, jealousy, and nervous system dysregulation
Celibacy after heartbreak and assault
Learning to “stay” instead of explode
The difference between chasing unavailable men and allowing real love to bloom
Being the first woman in her bloodline to choose a life not structured around marriage
Now, Salma is in uncharted territory: practicing slowness, living in her present reality in New York, and allowing a new connection to unfold without control, sabotage, or fantasy.
This episode is a love letter to Joaquin & Didi.
I’m sorry I lost you.
Recorded February 16, the last day of The Year of the Snake.
CREDITS: 
 Host & Creator: Salma Hindy
 Executive Producer: Salma Hindy
 Associate Producer: Rania Harris
 Writer & Editor: Salma Hindy
 Studio: 30 Irving Studios
 Artwork: Rana Omar
© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2026
Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy
HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy

What does it really mean to “obey your parents”? And what happens when obedience becomes suffocation?
In this pillar episode, Salma is joined by an anonymous guest, Fatima, for a deeply honest conversation about emotional enmeshment, delayed adulthood, and what it actually takes to cut the cord. Fatima grew up in a close-knit Arab Muslim family in the U.K. where independence was only acceptable through marriage. Despite being asexual and aromantic - and having no interest in men - she was taught that the only way out of her parents’ house was as a wife.
What followed was a years-long attempt to do everything right: changing careers (from architecture to engineering to teaching) to appear more “wife-friendly,” tolerating constant scrutiny, and engaging in the arranged marriage process as an exit strategy rather than a desire. That path ultimately led to a breaking point when Fatima was GHOSTED AT HER KATB KITAB (Islamic Wedding) and then blamed by her parents, accused of wrongdoing, and subjected to even more control. It was then that she realized what so many adult children eventually learn: there is no finish line, no amount of obedience that guarantees peace, and no way to make your parents happy by sacrificing yourself.
In this episode, Fatima walks us through the practical, financial, and emotional steps she took to move out of her parents’ house, including how she secretly saved money, planned her exit, managed guilt, and rebuilt her life afterward. Salma weaves in her own experience of individuation, grief, and the disorienting freedom that comes after leaving and rebuilding a life without parental guardrails.
This conversation is for anyone who keeps asking, “How do I actually get out?” If this episode stirs up anger, grief, or urgency in you, that doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re waking up.
This is a pillar episode of the podcast. If you listen to only one, let it be this one.
CREDITS: 
 Host & Creator: Salma Hindy
 Executive Producer: Salma Hindy
 Editor: Salma Hindy
 Artwork: Rana Omar

© The Secret Sex Lives of Muslim Women, 2025

Instagram: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
YouTube: @thesecretsexlivesofmuslimwomen
HOST'S INSTAGRAM: @salma.hindy
HOST'S TIKTOK: @salma.hindy