The Shadows We Cast

• Re-release: Tethered

  This is the first of a three-part series exploring the messy, complicated years of early adulthood—when my sisters, Kate and Teresa, and I began to navigate the emotional weight of our mom’s mental illness and addiction in a new way.We weren’t estranged yet. But the tether was fraying.In this episode, we reflect on the years after leaving home—when we were starting careers, becoming parents, and building lives of our own. We were still trying to stay close to our mom through letters, phone calls, and hope. But we were also beginning to feel the cost of that closeness: the resentment, the confusion, and the exhaustion of trying to stay connected to someone whose pain kept spilling over.We talk about what it meant to set boundaries before we really knew how, how our relationships were impacted, and how we slowly came to realize that love alone wasn’t enough to hold it all together.This conversation is raw and real—and a reminder that sometimes the hardest part of growing up is learning how to stop breaking yourself to keep someone else whole.Originally released:  May 20 2025Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

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• Re-release: Becoming

  Ever wonder what it’s like to grow up desperate to escape, but terrified to leave the ones you love behind?In this episode, we talk about those late-teen years—when our mom’s drinking and untreated mental illness had taken over, and we were all just trying to find a way out. Joined once again by my sisters Kate and Teresa, we revisit the breaking point that changed everything.This episode dives into the emotional cost of a childhood shaped by instability, addiction, and undiagnosed mental illness. We reflect on the toll it took on our sense of identity, our relationships, and our ability to feel safe in the world. While the journey into early adulthood is explored more fully in the next series, this conversation begins to unpack the long shadow of survival mode—and what it took to make it out.ORIGINALLY RELEASED: April 22, 2025Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

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• Re-release: Survival

  Survival: Sisterhood, Poverty, and the Moments That Shaped UsIn this second episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down again with my sisters, Kate and Teresa, to pick up where we left off—navigating the turbulence of growing up with a mother struggling with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness.This chapter explores what survival really looked like for us: wearing the same pair of pants to school, learning to stretch a dollar, and facing down emotional chaos masked behind closed doors. We talk about poverty—not just as a lack of money, but as a feeling that seeps into your self-worth—and how those early years shaped our work ethic, independence, and empathy in ways we couldn’t understand at the time.We reflect on the adults who tried to help, the ones who looked away, and the small kindnesses that made a difference. Through journal entries, raw memories, and hard truths, we revisit the instability of our Arizona and Missouri years—moments marked by addiction, unsafe environments, and emotional whiplash.This isn’t just a story of pain. It’s a story of resilience, of love between sisters, and of the moments that cracked something open in us—and, ultimately, helped us find our way home.If you’ve ever wondered how people survive chaos—or how they begin to rebuild—this conversation invites you in.This episode was originally released on April 12th, 2025. Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

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• Re-Release: ORIGIN STORY

  In this deeply personal first episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down with my two sisters, Kate and Teresa, for a raw, revealing conversation about our early years—growing up with a mother whose mental illness shaped every corner of our childhood. We talk about what poverty looked and felt like, how instability became our norm, and the adults who tried—sometimes successfully, sometimes not—to keep us safe.This isn’t just a story of hardship. It’s a story of sisterhood: how we held each other up, how we made it out, and how we’re still making sense of it all. From small-town Canada to the deserts of Arizona, from hiding emotions at our school desks to navigating unsafe home environments, this episode travels the geography of our early lives with honesty, humour, and a lot of heart.We speak openly about the things that were hard to name back then—parentification, addiction, emotional neglect—and the fierce love and resilience that got us through. Whether you’ve lived something similar or are just trying to better understand the shadows that follow us from childhood, this conversation invites you in.This episode was originally released on April 5th, 2024.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

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• Gone

  Some endings arrive slowly. Ours did not.In this final episode of Season 1, my sisters and I share the most personal part of our story—the goodbye. After years of surviving our mom’s untreated mental illness and addiction, and then finding our way back to her during her recovery, we were finally in a good place. A healthy place. A place where laughter came easy and trust was being rebuilt. And then, in 2017, we lost her.Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer just two months before she passed, our mom’s final chapter was fast, devastating, and unexpectedly filled with grace. Two weeks after her diagnosis, our beloved Aunt Terry was diagnosed with the same illness. And within ten months, our dad passed away too, leaving us grappling with wave after wave of loss.This episode is about those final months with our mom. The hospital visits and hospice care. The late-night humor that kept us going when there were no more answers left to find. The tension between wanting to save her and learning, finally, how to just be with her. It’s about what it means to love someone fiercely—even when that love was hard-won and complicated.And it’s also about the legacy she left behind. About the strength we found in each other, and how grief shaped us into something softer, stronger, and more honest.All season long, we’ve been pulling back the curtain on what it means to grow up in the shadow of mental illness and addiction—and how, even in the aftermath, healing is possible. This final chapter closes that story for now, but it also opens the door to what comes next.Thank you for walking with us through the messy middle of our lives. Thank you for holding space for these conversations. And thank you for reminding us that even in the hardest endings, love remains.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

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The Shadows We Cast: Podcasts in Family