Survival: Sisterhood, Poverty, and the Moments That Shaped UsIn this second episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down again with my sisters, Kate and Teresa, to pick up where we left off—navigating the turbulence of growing up with a mother struggling with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness.This chapter explores what survival really looked like for us: wearing the same pair of pants to school, learning to stretch a dollar, and facing down emotional chaos masked behind closed doors. We talk about poverty—not just as a lack of money, but as a feeling that seeps into your self-worth—and how those early years shaped our work ethic, independence, and empathy in ways we couldn’t understand at the time.We reflect on the adults who tried to help, the ones who looked away, and the small kindnesses that made a difference. Through journal entries, raw memories, and hard truths, we revisit the instability of our Arizona and Missouri years—moments marked by addiction, unsafe environments, and emotional whiplash.This isn’t just a story of pain. It’s a story of resilience, of love between sisters, and of the moments that cracked something open in us—and, ultimately, helped us find our way home.If you’ve ever wondered how people survive chaos—or how they begin to rebuild—this conversation invites you in.This episode was originally released on April 12th, 2025. Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.
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Re-Release: ORIGIN STORY
In this deeply personal first episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down with my two sisters, Kate and Teresa, for a raw, revealing conversation about our early years—growing up with a mother whose mental illness shaped every corner of our childhood. We talk about what poverty looked and felt like, how instability became our norm, and the adults who tried—sometimes successfully, sometimes not—to keep us safe.This isn’t just a story of hardship. It’s a story of sisterhood: how we held each other up, how we made it out, and how we’re still making sense of it all. From small-town Canada to the deserts of Arizona, from hiding emotions at our school desks to navigating unsafe home environments, this episode travels the geography of our early lives with honesty, humour, and a lot of heart.We speak openly about the things that were hard to name back then—parentification, addiction, emotional neglect—and the fierce love and resilience that got us through. Whether you’ve lived something similar or are just trying to better understand the shadows that follow us from childhood, this conversation invites you in.This episode was originally released on April 5th, 2024.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.
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Gone
Some endings arrive slowly. Ours did not.In this final episode of Season 1, my sisters and I share the most personal part of our story—the goodbye. After years of surviving our mom’s untreated mental illness and addiction, and then finding our way back to her during her recovery, we were finally in a good place. A healthy place. A place where laughter came easy and trust was being rebuilt. And then, in 2017, we lost her.Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer just two months before she passed, our mom’s final chapter was fast, devastating, and unexpectedly filled with grace. Two weeks after her diagnosis, our beloved Aunt Terry was diagnosed with the same illness. And within ten months, our dad passed away too, leaving us grappling with wave after wave of loss.This episode is about those final months with our mom. The hospital visits and hospice care. The late-night humor that kept us going when there were no more answers left to find. The tension between wanting to save her and learning, finally, how to just be with her. It’s about what it means to love someone fiercely—even when that love was hard-won and complicated.And it’s also about the legacy she left behind. About the strength we found in each other, and how grief shaped us into something softer, stronger, and more honest.All season long, we’ve been pulling back the curtain on what it means to grow up in the shadow of mental illness and addiction—and how, even in the aftermath, healing is possible. This final chapter closes that story for now, but it also opens the door to what comes next.Thank you for walking with us through the messy middle of our lives. Thank you for holding space for these conversations. And thank you for reminding us that even in the hardest endings, love remains.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.
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Rebuild
This week on The Shadows We Cast, my sisters, Kate and Teresa, and I return for Part 3 of our story — the chapter where things began to change. After years of boundaries, heartbreak, and distance, our mom started to seek real, consistent help. It wasn’t a sudden transformation. It was slow, uneven, and at times, fragile. But it was the beginning of something new.In this conversation, we talk about the earliest signs of her recovery and what it looked like to slowly let her back in — not just into our lives, but into our trust. We share moments that felt healing, moments that tested us, and how her role as a grandmother became the unlikely bridge back to connection.There’s grief here — for what never was — but also so much beauty in what we found when we stopped trying to hold everything together and started meeting her where she was. We weren’t trying to fix her — we were simply hoping she’d choose help. And when she finally did, something in all of us shifted, too.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.
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Matrescence
What if becoming a mother wasn’t just a life event — but a radical transformation of self?This week on The Shadows We Cast, Jenn sits down with Jessie Harrold — doula, coach, author, and founder of Imaginalia — to explore the complex and rarely named process of matrescence. Like adolescence, matrescence is a profound identity shift that touches every layer of our being: emotional, physical, spiritual, and cultural. And yet… we’re barely talking about it.Together, they unpack:· What matrescence actually is — and why we all need language for it· Why radical change often begins with grief· How to “mythologize” your story rather than pathologize your pain· What Jessie calls the “gooey middle” — the messy, necessary in-between of identity transformation· Why small practices, like Jessie’s “Five Things” check-in, can become lifelines through transitionThis episode touches on the thresholds we all cross: motherhood, menopause, grief, healing, and the quiet reckoning of asking, Who am I now? Whether you’re navigating change yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and the reminder: you’re not broken. You’re becoming.Learn more about Jessie and her work at www.jessieharrold.com, and follow her on Instagram @jessie.es.harrold.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St John Editor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St John If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too. Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.
Welcome to The Shadows We Cast—a podcast about the legacies we inherit, the stories we carry, and the light we create in the process.Hosted by mental health advocate, writer, and speaker Jenn St. John, this series opens the door to raw and real conversations about living through, loving through, and learning from mental health challenges.In this short preview, Jenn shares what listeners can expect each week: deeply personal stories, journal readings, candid interviews with guests ranging from family members to public figures, and a commitment to unmasking mental health—one brave conversation at a time.If you've ever felt like you were navigating the dark without a map, this podcast is here to say: you're not alone. Let’s talk about the shadows—and the adaptability that rises from them.New episodes drop every Tuesday.Host & Producer: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenn_stjohn/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jenn.st.johnLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jenn-st-john-25b137257/BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/jennstjohn.bsky.socialIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.
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