Estranged and Deranged

Podcast Episode 13
Family estrangement is painful, confusing, and often misunderstood. In this episode of Estranged & Deranged, we explore one of the most difficult parts of estrangement that many parents experience but rarely talk about openly: loyalty conflicts inside families.
What happens when an estranged adult child cuts off one parent but stays connected to siblings, extended family, or even the parent who wasn’t present during their upbringing? How does loyalty shift inside families when estrangement happens? And what does it feel like when everyone around you still has access to your child or grandchildren… except you?
Candi and Chris share real experiences navigating family estrangement, including stories about siblings caught in the middle, grandchildren being removed from relationships, and the emotional toll of watching family members maintain connections while you are shut out.
This episode also builds on the powerful conversation from Episode 12, where we spoke with an estranged father about his experience and how estrangement can impact fathers differently than mothers.
If you are navigating family estrangement, adult child estrangement, estranged parent relationships, or grandparent estrangement, this episode will resonate with you.
Candi and Chris speak from lived experience, not clinical expertise. They are not therapists. They are two parents sharing honest conversations about the realities of estrangement and creating a space where these stories can finally be heard.
Resources & Website
Visit our website for more resources, podcast episodes, and ways to connect:
https://www.estrangedandderanged.net
On the website you can find:
• All Estranged & Deranged podcast episodes
• Support resources for estranged parents
• Upcoming workshops and events
• Opportunities to share your story
• Ways to connect with the community
Join Our Community
If you’re looking for support from others who understand estrangement, join our Facebook community:
When They Walk Away
We host a weekly Zoom support meeting every Wednesday evening where estranged parents and grandparents can connect, share experiences, and support each other through this journey.
You are not alone in this.
Chapters
0:00 Welcome Back – Episode 13
0:45 Why This Episode Connects to Episode 12
1:40 Our Disclaimer – We’re Not Therapists
2:20 Comment of the Week (The Eyeliner Debate)
4:30 Dealing With Online Critics and Trolls
5:40 Today’s Topic: Loyalty in Family Estrangement
7:00 Candy’s Story – When an Estranged Son Reaches Out to a Sibling
10:00 Feeling Hurt When Loyalty Feels Broken
12:15 Protecting Your Heart From Information That Hurts
14:30 When Estranged Adult Children Go In and Out of Relationships
16:45 Is Estrangement Sometimes About Power and Control?
18:30 When Families Stay Connected Except to One Parent
20:30 Chris’s Story – Being Cut Off From Grandchildren
22:45 Seeing Grandkids Through Social Media
24:20 When Estranged Children Cut Off Everyone
26:00 Loyalty Conflicts Between Parents and Family Members
27:30 Why Some Estranged Children Reconnect With Absent Parents
28:40 Finding Support and Community
29:20 Final Thoughts – You Matter
#estrangement #estrangedparents #familyestrangement #estrangedmother #estrangedfather #nocontactfamily #estrangedfamily #toxicfamily #familyhealing #estrangedandderanged

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Episode 12 is one of our most important conversations yet.
For the first time, we’re joined by a father.
Joe shares what it’s like to be blindsided by estrangement after a completely normal lunch with his daughter. No warning. No argument. Just a text filled with words like “toxic” and “respect my boundaries.”
He hasn’t spoken to her since April 24, 2024.
In this episode, we talk about:
Being cut off without explanation
When one parent is estranged but the other still has contact
The strain on marriage when loyalty feels divided
Missing a grandchild you’ve never met
The first year of shock and grief
Whether begging for contact ever helps
What resilience really looks like
Research shows many adult children who go no contact are estranged from their fathers. Yet in our 10,000-member community, men make up only about 2 percent.
This episode matters.
If you are a parent navigating estrangement, you are not alone. We see you. We hear you. And we will continue giving parents a voice.
Visit estrangedandderanged.net for support resources and live event information.

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It makes you feel small.
It makes you feel desperate.
It makes you question your dignity.
So why do estranged parents keep doing it?
In Episode 11 of Estranged & Deranged, Chris and Candi take on one of the most painful and misunderstood phases of parental estrangement: begging.
The texts that go unanswered.
The emails sent into silence.
The apologies for everything.
The panic that says, “Fix this before you lose them forever.”
This is not a conversation about weakness. It is a conversation about survival mode.
When attachment is threatened, the nervous system reacts. Begging can become an attempt to restore connection, reduce uncertainty, and quiet the fear of permanent loss. But what happens when the reaching out only deepens the hurt?
In this episode, we discuss:
The psychology behind begging
Why being “left on read” keeps parents stuck
The emotional cost of shrinking yourself
Power dynamics in estrangement
When begging delays acceptance
What it feels like to finally stop
This is real talk from lived experience. No sugarcoating. No professional titles. Just two women having the conversations most people avoid.
If you are an estranged parent struggling with when to stop reaching out, this episode is for you.
You cannot spend the next decade on your knees trying to prevent a possibility. If they come back, you want to meet them standing up.
Website: https://estrangedandderanged.net
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged
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Parental estrangement is more common than people realize — but the moment you say the word “estranged,” the room goes quiet.
In Episode 10 of Estranged and Deranged, we talk about what really happens when estrangement enters everyday conversations. The silence. The judgment. The forced optimism. The comments that try to minimize something deeply painful.
We also respond to this week’s “Comment of the Week,” where accusations of “not taking accountability” surface yet again — something many estranged parents hear regularly.
In this episode, we explore:
• Why people get uncomfortable when estrangement is mentioned
• The stigma around estranged parents
• Being accused of seeking sympathy
• The emotional impact of phrases like “They’ll come around”
• Why “At least they’re alive” doesn’t land the way people think it does
• How estrangement affects grandparents and extended family
• Why silence doesn’t heal family estrangement
If you are navigating estrangement from an adult child and feel misunderstood, judged, or minimized, this conversation is for you.
You are not alone.
CHAPTERS
00:00 Welcome + Episode 10
02:00 Comment of the Week: “Take Accountability”
07:30 Accused of Seeking Sympathy
12:00 When Estrangement Enters the Room
18:00 Grief vs. Estrangement
24:00 Real-Life Social Reactions
31:00 “They’ll Come Around”
35:00 “At Least They’re Alive”
39:00 Judgment, Pity & Discomfort
43:00 Why We Refuse to Stay Silent
48:00 Support for Estranged Parents + Closing

🔗 CONNECT WITH US

🌐 Website:
https://estrangedandderanged.net
📚 Books on estrangement and grief are available directly on our website.

🤝 Join our private Facebook support group:
When They Walk Away – A Support Group for Estranged Parents
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1110184627625310
💛 Support the podcast on Patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged
Early access and additional content available for members.

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In this episode of Estranged & Deranged, Candi and Chris take on one of the most damaging and oversimplified narratives in estrangement conversations: the idea that if an adult child is estranged, they were automatically abused or neglected by their parents.
Sparked by real comments, social media posts, and statements made by licensed professionals online, this episode challenges the growing belief that estrangement and abuse are interchangeable. Candi and Chris explain why this mindset is not only inaccurate, but harmful, especially to those who experienced real, severe abuse.
Drawing from lived experience, decades of professional work in child welfare, and years of supporting estranged parents, this conversation explores how the word abuse has been diluted, misused, and applied without context, nuance, or individual examination.
In this episode, we discuss:
Why estrangement does NOT automatically equal abuse
How social media and therapy culture have blurred critical definitions
The difference between abuse, conflict, hardship, and imperfect parenting
How perception and memory shape lived experience
Why estranged parents are often labeled the villain by default
The impact of misusing the word abuse on those who truly need help
Why accountability, reflection, and grief can exist at the same time
This episode is not about denying pain.
It is about restoring meaning, logic, and humanity to a conversation that has become extreme and polarized.
If you are an estranged parent, an adult child trying to understand complex family dynamics, or someone navigating ambiguous loss, this episode offers perspective that is often missing from mainstream discussions.
00:00 Welcome to Estranged & Deranged
01:45 The Comment That Sparked This Episode
05:10 Why Estranged Parents Are Labeled the Villain
08:20 Does Estrangement Automatically Mean Abuse?
11:40 When the Word “Abuse” Loses Its Meaning
15:30 Therapy Culture and Defining Abuse
19:40 Real Abuse vs Hard Family Life
23:30 Extreme Examples and Where the Line Gets Crossed
27:40 Perception, Memory, and Different Childhood Experiences
31:00 Accountability, Dialogue, and Final Thoughts
33:40 Support Groups, Resources, and Where to Find Us

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https://youtu.be/I4kvdb3Vbjs
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https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/estranged-and-deranged/id1865706449
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Website:
https://estrangedandderanged.net
Patreon (early access, bonus content, and community support):
https://www.patreon.com/cw/EstrangedandDeranged
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family estrangement, estranged parents, parental grief, ambiguous loss, accountability, healing, communication, and navigating complex family relationships.

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