Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

It's easy to run our lives through a filter of, "What does this look like as I'm doing it?" This constant self-monitoring inevitably leads to self-consciousness and anxiety. In this episode, Forrest explores how we can break out of this “internalized panopticon." He talks about where the feeling of being watched comes from, why modern life has turned the volume up on it, how we internalize that as self-monitoring, and how we can get some freedom from it. He covers the research on meta-perception, and introduces a simple model for figuring out who actually gets a say about how you live your life.

Key Topics:

0:00 The panopticon

1:32 What it feels like to be watched

4:55 Meta-perception: the call is coming from inside the house

8:23 Where the watcher comes from

14:24 Why it’s louder for some people

19:05 Context collapse

24:29 The four rings

29:05 How to escape

34:56 Building a backstage

38:20 Who will you give power to?

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Most relationships, romantic or otherwise, tend to get stuck in predictable patterns of conflict. This episode is about how to resolve that conflict, and get things moving again. Dr. Rick and Forrest draw on Rick's decades of work with couples and families to talk about getting on the same team, healthy boundaries, making clear requests, differentiation, and the pursuer-distancer dynamic. The episode closes with Forrest and his fiancée, associate therapist Elizabeth Ferreira, on fixing versus feeling, and how they worked through it in their own relationship.

Key Topics:

00:00: Intro

01:30: What Rick wishes couples did differently

09:22: How to ask for what you want

16:36: Differentiation and family systems

28:33: When both people are right: content vs. tone

37:58: Why fighting can feel good

42:09: The pursuer-distancer dynamic

47:15: Resentment and requests about the future

55:33: Fixing vs. feeling with Elizabeth

1:06:59: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

Listen to Turning Points: Navigating Mental Health wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the show so you never miss an episode.

Get better sleep, backed by your own data. Go to https://OrionSleep.com/BEINGWELL for 15% off.

If you’re ready to simplify the business side of your practice, now is a great time to try SimplePractice. Start with a 7-day free trial, then get 50% off your first three months. Just go to https://SimplePractice.com to claim the offer.

If you want to try Momentous Signature Spec Creatine, head to https://livemomentous.com and use code BEINGWELL for up to 35% off your entire first order.
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Forrest is joined by Dr. Ashley Mason, a clinical psychologist and sleep researcher at UCSF, to discuss Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for insomnia (CBT-I). They talk about what separates insomnia from a few rough nights, why people with insomnia sleep (on average) only a little less than everyone else but experience the night completely differently, how insomnia develops and what keeps it going, and the five pillars of CBT-I. Dr. Mason walks through what treatment looks like in practice: fixing your wake time, restricting time in bed, working with 2am thoughts, a surprisingly early caffeine cutoff, and why meditation apps in bed are a hard no.

About our guest: Dr. Ashley Mason is a clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychiatry at UC San Francisco, where she directs the Sleep, Eating, and Affect Lab and leads the insomnia treatment program at the UCSF Osher Center for Integrative Health.

Key Topics:

00:00: Introduction

03:43: What insomnia is, and why it’s not just about hours of sleep

14:06: How insomnia develops

20:40: Sleep hygiene, the five pillars of CBT-I, and caffeine

27:02: What treatment looks like: wake time and time in bed restriction

35:20: Sleep anxiety, tracking, and working with 2am thoughts

39:31: Sleep as a performance category, fear-mongering, and alcohol

46:00: Meditation apps, relaxation, and brain dumping

50:34: How well CBT-I works, and using heat for sleep and depression

1:03:26: Recap

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Sponsors

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In this second episode on self-acceptance, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on how to accept the parts of ourselves we don’t like. They explain why "just love yourself more" rarely works, walk through a four-step process, and talk about why acceptance gets easier when you can set boundaries with yourself. They also cover accepting the “bad” parts of who we are, how to work with the persona you've built to get through life, and self-authorship: taking a hand in who you're becoming.

The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Key Topics:

0:00: Intro

3:31: If I accept myself, won't I get complacent?

10:01: Why "just love yourself more" doesn't work

14:36: Group 1: Authentic parts we don’t like

23:51: Boundaries with your own parts, and sticking up for them

32:07: Accepting the difficult stuff

41:01: Own it to regulate it: mean streaks and near enemies

45:49: Group 2: Working with the act

54:46: Self-authorship

1:01:02: Recap

Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.

Sponsors

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Self-acceptance gets recommended constantly, but are we really supposed to accept the parts of ourselves we don't like? Won’t that stop us from changing? Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss what self-acceptance is, what it isn't, and why it’s the starting point for real change. They share the four stages of competence (and why conscious incompetence is where learning stalls), the two escape hatches people take from it, why harsh self-criticism is a form of avoidance, and Rick's three circles model of the act, the scared self, and the being.

The Healing Link: In this new six-week live online course course, Rick will teach you how to use concepts from neuroscience to repair old wounds and change some of our most ingrained patterns. Learn more at RickHanson.com/Linking, and use promo code BeingWell25 to receive a 25% discount.

Key Topics

0:00: Intro

3:04: What self-acceptance is (and isn't)

6:43: The four stages of competence

10:59: Two bad exits: "idiot" self-acceptance and excessive self-criticism

13:24: Critical self-acceptance: judge the behavior, not the self

22:13: The three circles: the act, the scared self, and the ‘being’

26:44: The two things people struggle to accept

32:27: Should you accept the act?

43:20: Being with, working with, and the two levels of acceptance

51:35: Recap

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Sponsors

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