Who decides what is socially “normal”? | Christine Emba
**🧭 Who Decides What’s “Normal” Anymore? Rethinking Social Norms in a Shifting World**
Why do we follow social norms — and how do we know when they’ve expired?
Social norms act as **shortcuts**, like a guidebook for fitting into your time and place. They offer structure, a sense of belonging, and even emotional rewards like pride or guilt. They help us function — not just because we believe in them, but because *everyone else* does too.
But today, the old rules feel... Wobbly.
From door-opening etiquette to gender roles, many norms seem out of place in a rapidly changing world. So how do we decide what to keep — and what to toss?
💡 Enter *Chesterton’s Fence* — a concept that says: **before tearing down a fence, find out why it was put there.**
Even if a social norm feels outdated, it might have served a purpose worth understanding before dismissing it outright.
Take the example: *Should men open doors for women?*
It may feel old-fashioned now, but originally, it might’ve symbolized respect or protection. The key is asking: **Does it still serve a helpful function today? Or has the context changed too much?**
In the past, people looked to parents, clergy, or state leaders for guidance.
Now? We turn to **influencers**, coaches, and self-described gurus on everything from success to masculinity. But here’s the catch: **self-proclaimed experts might not be experts at all.**
And that raises a new question:
🌍 **Are today’s norms built for *you* — or are they just viral advice designed to sell?**
Norms should be adaptive — customized to the community, time, and individual. What works for a niche internet following may not work in your real life.
**3 key takeaways:**
1. 🧠 *Don’t discard old norms blindly.* First, ask what purpose they served.
2. 🧍♂️ *Be wary of self-appointed experts.* Charisma doesn’t equal wisdom.
3. 🌐 *Seek context over consensus.* Norms should flex with culture, not freeze in time.
**✨ Big idea:** Social norms aren't just rules — they’re cultural technology. If we want to upgrade them, we need to understand the code they were written in.
About Christine Emba:
Christine Emba is an opinion columnist and editor at The Washington Post, where she focuses on ideas, society, and culture. She is also a contributing editor at Comment Magazine and an editor at large at Wisdom of Crowds, which includes a podcast and newsletter. Before this, Emba was the Hilton Kramer Fellow in Criticism at The New Criterion and a deputy editor at the Economist Intelligence Unit, focusing on technology and innovation. Her book, Rethinking Sex: A Provocation, is about the failures and potential of the sexual revolution in a post-#MeToo world. Emba was named one of the World’s Top 50 Thinkers by Prospect Magazine in 2022.
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