We use the word friend all the time—at school, at home, on the playground. "Line up, friends." "We don't hit our friends." "That's my friend from work." It sounds warm and inclusive, and it's almost always said with good intentions.
But for many autistic and ADHD children, language is taken literally. When we tell them everyone is their friend, they believe us. And then they expect those people to act like friends—to include them, play with them, and treat them kindly. When that doesn't happen, the confusion can turn into hurt, self-blame, anxiety, and even depression.
In this episode, I break down why overusing the word friend can be especially harmful for neurodivergent children—and how it can unintentionally teach them to ignore their own experiences or accept mistreatment. I share real-life examples from classrooms, playgrounds, and therapy spaces, including what happens when a child asks, "Are you my friend?" and the answer doesn't match the actions.
We'll talk about:
*Why autistic and ADHD children often take friendship language literally
*How some children are bullied through "pretend friendship."
*Why teaching actions of a friend is more helpful than using labels
*How to help children notice when friendship behaviors change and know who to go to for help
*A simple visual circles model that teaches self-friendship, boundaries, and different levels of connection
*Why we need to be cautious with questions like "Who's your best friend?"
*How society's message that "more friends = more value" can deeply harm neurodivergent kids
*And why being a good friend to yourself is just as important as having friends around you
I also share examples from my own adult friendships to show that real friendship doesn't look one way—and that closeness, frequency, and intensity can all vary and still be meaningful.
If you're a parent, educator, or mental health professional supporting autistic or ADHD children, this episode offers a compassionate reframe and practical language shifts that can reduce confusion, protect emotional safety, and support healthier relationships.
Because being precise with our language doesn't make kids less kind—it makes them safer. And safety is where real connection begins.
🎧 If you find this episode helpful, please consider sharing it with a parent, therapist or teacher, and leaving a 5-star review so more people can find the podcast. The more people we can reach, the more neurodivergent children we can help:)
🥁🥁🥁🥁 MORE Great information for you!
The 135 School Accommodations for Autistic & ADHD Students Guide is now available, including three detailed cases with accommodations for ONLY $27.95
What's Inside:
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Don't miss this opportunity to access 135 neurodiversity-affirming accommodations for only $27.95
➡️ Parents click here
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Thank you for your advocacy!
After you get your guide, you can also access these free resources below:) ⬇️
🌟 Get your FREE "Get To Know My Child Snapshot"
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⭐️ Hey Therapists! Come on over for NEURODIVERSITY-AFFIRMING CONTINUING EDUCATION
Enhance your therapeutic approach with our affirming and engaging trainings while earning CE credits to fulfill your professional development requirements, as our courses are approved by the NBCC.
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About Holly Blanc Moses
Holly Blanc Moses is a neurodivergent psychologist, speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.
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