Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

• 248: The Anxious Generation Review (Part 2): Does Social Media Actually Cause Kids’ Depression and Anxiety?

  In Part 1 of this mini-series looking at Jonathan Haidt's book The Anxious Generation, we discovered that the teen mental health crisis might not be as dramatic as The Anxious Generation claims - and that changes in diagnosis and coding could be inflating the numbers. But even if we accept that teens' struggles have increased somewhat, the next crucial question is: what's actually causing the change? Jonathan Haidt is adamant that social media causes depression and anxiety in teenagers. He claims that "dozens of experiments" prove social media use is a CAUSE, not just a correlate, of mental health problems. But when you dig into the studies, as we do in this episode, we'll see that the 'causal' data is nowhere near as strong as Haidt claims. We'll examine the experimental evidence behind social media and teen mental health claims, reveal why leading researchers compare social media effects on teens to eating potatoes, and uncover what factors actually explain 99% of youth mental health outcomes. Because if we're going to spend time and energy helping our kids, we want to make sure we're spending it doing things that will actually help. Questions This Episode Will Answer Does social media really cause teen depression and anxiety? Research shows correlation, not proven causation, with social media effects on teens explaining less than 1% of wellbeing, similar to the effect of eating potatoes. (Some researchers argue that this is still important enough to pay attention to - the episode explores why.) Why do I keep hearing that social media is harmful if the research is weak? Many (but not all) social media studies find some evidence of harm, but when you look at the methodology this isn't surprising - researchers do things like sending participants daily reminders that "limiting social media is good for you," and then asking them how much social media they've consumed and how they feel. It's hard to draw strong conclusions from this data! How can different studies on social media show opposite results? Researchers studying teen social media use can get completely different results from the same data depending on how they choose to analyze it. The episode looks at those choices and what they mean for understanding whether social media causes kids' depression and anxiety. Is limiting my teen's social media use actually going to help them? Current evidence suggests that some kids who use social media a lot are vulnerable to experiencing depression and anxiety, and limiting their use specifically may be protective. There is little evidence to support the idea that blanket bans on kids' social media/smart phone usage will result in dramatic improvements in youth mental health, and focusing on issues that are more clearly connected to mental health would likely have a greater positive impact. What You'll Learn in This Episode How most social media research creates results that don't tell us what we want to know (but then reports the results as if they do) How the same teen mental health data can be analyzed to support opposite conclusions about social media effects on teens What family relationships, academic pressure, and economic stress reveal about the real drivers of youth mental health issues How social media and teen mental health correlations explain the same amount of variance as seemingly irrelevant factors like potato consumption How researcher bias and study design flaws make social media studies less reliable than parents think What happens when kids who benefit from social media lose access to it Why the focus on teen social media...

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• 247: The Anxious Generation Review (Part 1): Is There Really a Mental Health Crisis in the U.S.?

  Are we really facing an unprecedented mental health crisis in America, or have we been misreading the data? As parents everywhere grapple with The Anxious Generation's claims that smartphones are rewiring our children's brains, this episode takes a closer look at what the research actually shows about youth mental health trends. If you've read the book, you've seen those alarming hockey-stick graphs showing dramatic increases in teen depression and anxiety in teenagers. But what if those "surges" aren't quite what they seem? What if changes in how we diagnose and track mental health conditions are inflating the crisis? And what happens when a community with everything that should protect kids - tight social bonds, involved parents, shared values - still experiences devastating teen suicide rates? This deep-dive analysis examines the evidence behind Gen Z mental health claims, investigates whether youth depression statistics show the dramatic surge described in The Anxious Generation, and asks the crucial question: are we fighting the right battle when it comes to protecting our children's wellbeing? Questions This Episode Will Answer Is there really a mental health crisis in America? While youth mental health challenges are real, the "crisis" narrative may be overblown due to changes in diagnostic practices and data collection methods since 2010. When did the mental health crisis start according to The Anxious Generation? Haidt claims the crisis began between 2010-2015 with smartphone adoption, but the data shows more complex patterns that predate this timeline. What are the signs of youth depression and anxiety that parents should watch for? The episode explores how reported signs of youth depression and anxiety have increased, but examines whether this reflects actual increases or better identification and reporting. We look at the classic signs of depression and anxiety in teens, as well as what to look for in teens who might 'seem fine.' How many teens have mental health issues compared to previous generations? Teen mental health statistics show increases, but when examined closely, many changes are smaller than dramatic graphs suggest. What causes anxiety in teenagers beyond social media? Research shows that other factors may explain larger portions of youth mental health struggles than screen time. What You'll Learn in This Episode How changes in diagnostic criteria and healthcare access may have inflated mental health crisis statistics since 2015 Why teen suicide rates show different patterns than depression rates, and what this means for understanding youth struggles The real story behind those alarming youth depression statistics and why context matters when interpreting data How academic pressure in high-achieving communities can drive teen mental health problems even without social media Why focusing solely on anxiety in teenagers related to screens might miss bigger factors affecting Gen Z mental health What signs of youth depression actually tell us about the scope and causes of teen mental health challenges How different communities experience and conceptualize mental health struggles in ways that challenge universal assumptions Why the timeline of the supposed mental health crisis in the U.S. and elsewhere doesn't align with smartphone adoption as clearly as The Anxious Generation claims Dr. Jonathan Haidt's Book The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (Affiliate link) Jump to highlights 00:53 Introduction...

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• 246: My Parenting Feels Off Track: Reparenting Helps You Find Your Way Back

  Do you ever feel like your parenting is completely off track from where you want it to be? You promise yourself you won't yell, then find yourself yelling at your kids before breakfast. You intend to be patient and present, but end up getting distracted by your phone, or snapping at your child. This disconnect between your parenting intentions and reality can leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, and afraid that you're passing on intergenerational trauma despite your best efforts. In this episode, we reveal the origins of our harsh inner critic and how cultural expectations set parents up for struggle. You'll discover practical reparenting techniques, step-by-step self-compassion exercises, and how recognizing your emotional triggers can transform your parenting journey. This isn't about perfect parenting - it's about healing your own childhood wounds through a process called reparenting, so you can break intergenerational patterns and build the connection with your child you've always wanted. Questions This Episode Will Answer How can I identify and manage my emotional triggers in parenting? Emotional triggers often originate from unhealed childhood experiences. Notice when you have outsized reactions to your child's behavior—these point to areas needing healing. The episode offers a self-compassion exercise to help you treat yourself with the same kindness that you treat others. Creating space between trigger and reaction allows you to respond intentionally rather than reactively. How does my inner critic affect my ability to parent effectively? Your inner critic—which is often a voice of your parent/caregiver—triggers shame spirals that make it harder to parent effectively. It damages your relationship with yourself and teaches your children to develop their own harsh inner critics. Through reparenting, you can recognize this voice isn't truly yours, but one you absorbed from your environment. Learning to quiet this voice creates space for authentic connection with your child and breaks intergenerational trauma patterns. What is reparenting and how can it help my relationship with my child? Reparenting is giving yourself what your parents couldn't provide during your childhood. It involves a five-step process: becoming aware of your patterns, accepting them without judgment, validating your childhood experiences, reframing your beliefs, and taking action to reinforce new patterns. When you heal your own emotional wounds through reparenting, you become more capable of meeting your child's needs without being triggered. How do I break intergenerational trauma patterns in my parenting? Breaking intergenerational trauma starts with awareness of the patterns you inherited. Practice self-compassion exercises when triggered rather than self-criticism. Use the reparenting process to heal your own childhood wounds. Find supportive community to help you recognize when old patterns emerge. Each time you respond differently to your child than your parents did to you, you're disrupting the cycle of intergenerational trauma. Can self-compassion exercises really help when I'm triggered with my kids? Yes, self-compassion exercises are powerful tools for managing parenting triggers. Dr. Susan Pollak's three-step self-compassion exercise can create the mental space needed to respond differently: acknowledge the difficulty ("This is hard"), remember your common humanity ("Other parents struggle with this too"), and offer yourself kindness ("What do I need right now?"). Regular practice builds your capacity to access self-compassion even in intense trigger moments. What You'll Learn in This Episode How to identify your emotional triggers in parenting and their connection to...

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• RE-RELEASE: Finding Your Parenting Village: How Community Support Changes Everything at Home

  Are you tired of facing family challenges alone? In this powerful episode, we witness the transformative journey of two parents who discovered that joining a parenting support group can change everything at home. Parenting wasn't meant to be a solo journey. When sleep deprivation, communication struggles with partners, and children's big emotions become overwhelming family challenges, the right parenting support group makes all the difference. This episode shows how connecting with a supportive parenting community helped transform 45-minute tantrums into 10-minute conversations, restore sleep after years of exhaustion, and address family communication challenges in ways that parenting books alone never could. Now, more than ever, we need each other. In this re-released episode from two years ago, you'll hear authentic stories that will inspire you to find your own parenting support group and experience the profound changes that happen when parents help each other overcome family challenges. Questions This Episode Will Answer How can I find a parenting support group when I don't have family nearby? Distance from extended family doesn't mean you must face family challenges alone. This episode demonstrates how intentional parenting support groups can provide even more targeted help than your actual family. You'll learn how to connect with parents who share your values and family challenges, not just parents who happen to live close to you. These parenting support groups create meaningful connections that provide practical help, emotional support, and accountability. How do I find a parenting support group with members who won't judge me? Finding non-judgmental parenting support begins with seeking communities built on mutual understanding rather than competition. This episode shows how specialized parenting support groups create safe spaces where you can share family challenges honestly - even showing up in tears or looking completely exhausted - without fear of judgment. Can a parenting support group really help with my child's emotional outbursts? Yes! When parents learn tools like radical listening through supportive parenting groups, children's emotional regulation challenges improve dramatically. This episode demonstrates how one parent reduced tantrum duration from 45 minutes to just 10 minutes by applying techniques learned in her parenting support group. How do I balance everyone's needs when family challenges leave me exhausted? Meeting everyone's needs begins with recognizing your own. This episode reveals how a parenting support group provides permission to prioritize self-care (especially sleep) as the foundation for better addressing your family challenges, including your children's and partner's needs. Can a parenting support group help with partner communication challenges? Absolutely. You'll hear how a parenting support group helped identify and address difficult family communication patterns where one partner was agreeing to things they didn't want just to end discussions. Now the partners have an effective framework for honestly communicating about family challenges and needs. What's more valuable for addressing family challenges - parenting courses or a parenting support group? While quality parenting information matters, this episode reveals how the combination of both creates the most powerful approach to family challenges. You'll hear how structured parenting support groups help you actually implement tools you learn, rather than just collecting more information about family challenges. What You'll Learn in This Episode Practical ways to find and build your own parenting support group How parenting support groups transform...

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• 245: Does praise help or hurt your child? What research actually shows

  Most parents believe praise is an essential tool for raising confident, well-behaved children. We've been told to "catch them being good" and "focus on the positive." But what if our well-intentioned praise is actually functioning as a subtle form of control? What if praise isn't just celebrating who our children are, but secretly shaping them into who we—or society—want them to become? In this episode, we'll examine how praise affects children's self-concept, motivation, and behavior. We'll explore research on praise's effects, reflect on our own experiences with praise growing up, and draw on philosophical ideas to understand praise as a tool of power that teaches children to internalize social norms and regulate their own behavior. We'll also learn new tools to create more authentic relationships with our children and helping them develop true autonomy. Click here to download the list of 55 Ways to Support, Encourage, and Celebrate Your Child Without PraiseQuestions This Episode Will AnswerIs praise harmful to children?Praise can function as a form of control, establishing a conditional relationship where your approval depends on your child's actions. The underlying message becomes: "I'm excited about you when you do what I want." This contradicts what children need to flourish: unconditional love and acceptance for who they are, not what they do. What's the difference between praise and appreciation?Praise is evaluative language that judges a person's actions or character as "good" or "bad." Appreciation focuses on the impact someone's actions had on you personally. For example, instead of "good job setting the table," try "Thank you for setting the table—I really appreciate not having to do it myself." Does praise help motivate children?Research on praise's effects is mixed. Some studies suggest rewards undermine intrinsic motivation, while others indicate they can help establish habits. The more important question isn't whether praise works to change behavior in the short term, but what it teaches children about themselves and their worth in the long term. How does praise affect a child's development?Praise can create dependency on external validation. Many adults who received substantial praise as children become reluctant to attempt things they aren't already good at for fear of not receiving praise or worse, receiving criticism. This is often where perfectionism emerges—not from high standards but from fear that without perfection, they won't be valued or loved. What You'll Learn in This EpisodeYou'll discover what praise actually is and recognize when you might be praising your child without realizing it. Praise includes evaluative language like "good job," "you're so smart," or "I'm proud of you," and is typically given with the intention of encouraging children to repeat behaviors. You'll explore how praise functions as more than just emotional encouragement—it operates as a form of social control. When we praise children for certain behaviors, we're teaching them what society values and expects, defining what's "normal" and desirable. You'll understand how children internalize our surveillance through praise. They begin monitoring themselves according to external standards rather than developing their own internal value system. You'll learn practical alternatives to praise, including genuine appreciation that acknowledges specific actions and their impact, curiosity about your...

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