What Kids Don’t Know
Have you ever seen your kid do something and think, “They should know better”? I think we all have at one time or another. But here’s the thing - maybe they don’t. Today, I’m talking about what kids don’t know so that you can adjust your expectations, feel less annoyed by their behavior, and help them learn the skills they’re missing.You’ll Learn:Why our kids don’t actually “know better” a lot of the timeHow to balance social norms with a strong sense of self6 ways to help your child learn important social skills How teaching social norms fits into the 4 steps of the Calm Mama ProcessParenting is a constant process of resetting limits and teaching new skills and behaviors. Listen to learn how.-------------------------------------Reminder: When you’re teaching your kids something (like how you want them to behave), once isn’t enough. You’ll have to tell them many, many times. And every time they go through a new developmental stage, their brain grows and changes, so they end up needing to learn things again. What Kids Don’t KnowLet’s face it: There are a LOT of things our kids don’t know yet. Some of these are practical, like how weather, time, and money work. How to do specific tasks. Today, I’m focusing more on social and behavioral skills, as these are the ones that tend to cause us the most frustration and can be really challenging to understand. Every society has social norms - unwritten rules that govern behavior and dictate what's considered acceptable or unacceptable. These kinds of norms might be related to a country, religion, cultural group, or even smaller subgroups like a school environment or sports team. And they can be helpful because they create predictable and harmonious interactions within our society.When our kids do things that go outside of these acceptable behaviors, we get annoyed or embarrassed. We think they’re being rude. But often, kids don’t actually know what is rude (and they just have no filter). They aren’t born understanding these social norms, and a lot of them are complicated and nuanced. So we have to teach them how to behave so that we don't have chaos and confusion. Your job as a parent is to give your child the awareness, skills, and tools to know what behavior is accepted so that they can be successful in our society and culture. It’s a lot of work to learn how to be a person in society - to understand which behaviors are okay in which settings, and a lot of mistakes are going to be made. Society and Sense of SelfKids learn to understand and follow social norms through socialization. Interacting with people in different types of situations gives them a basic understanding of what works in the world, and teaches them tools to manage themselves. But we don’t just want our kids to follow the crowd. We also want to parent them in a way that preserves a positive sense of self. At times, it can feel like these two goals are at odds with each other. On the one hand, we have social norms - Be nice, be smart, be athletic, be attractive, be helpful, be likable, care about others, don't hurt others.Then we have social and personal values that might be things like be unique, be creative, be yourself, be authentic, take care of yourself, express your needs, express your feelings.So, what if you have a child who is expressing their authentic thought that you have stinky breath? They’re being honest and using their words, and this also has an impact on the other person that might cause a social problem. Teaching Social NormsTeaching the nuance of socializing while being yourself is no easy task. We...
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