Perfectionism Rewired

• How To Feel Your Feelings (So They Stop Controlling You)

  What if feeling your feelings didn’t mean falling apart — but actually gave you more control, not less? If white knuckling or pushing through is the best way you know how to feel your feelings. You’re not alone.Discover the hidden mistake keeping perfectionists stuck feeling on edge, why you can never outthink your feelings and the right way to feel your feelings.Want to bring rewiring into your reality? Where being confident, certain and playful is just how you roll? Perfectionist Solutions 1-1 coaching is your next step.Mentioned In Episode 254:Perfectionism Optimized 1 to 1 coachingPerfectionismRewired.comOther helpful podcast episodes in this series on How Your Brain Actually Works:Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 248Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 249Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 250Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 251Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 252Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 253Timestamps:00:00-Your thoughts create your feelings LIE #101:53-Can't Feel Your Feelings Without This04:14-Knowing how your brain actually works05:24-"What is Wrong With Me?" Explained06:37-Feelings Are Psychological LIE #207:16-Feelings are Emotions LIE #308:56-Where Feelings Actually Come From10:08-How Depersonalizing Feelings = Freedom12:46-Turning Mom Meltdown Moments Around (Manon's Story)14:35-How To Control Your Feelings16:01-Rational Thinking + Decisions LIE #417:32-Striving For Excellence Without Pushing Through18:29-What Your Person Account Has To Do With Feelings19:41-How To Identify Your Feelings Fast21:12-How To Feel Your Feelings Visual Tool22:33-Why Meditation + Deep Breaths Don’t Always Work23:58-Thoughts Drive Your Feelings LIES #525:57-Perspectacles How Feelings Shape Your Perceptions28:37-Turning Your Mood into Useful Fuel30:07-Where Sense Data Fits Into The EquationHow To Feel Your Feelings Q&AQ: Why does “changing my thoughts” never changes my feelings—especially as a perfectionist?
A: This episode breaks down the myth that thoughts drive feelings (hint: it’s the other way around!). Discover why “thought work” is a torture device for perfectionidtic people and how the “CTFAR Model” does not actually work for any human with a brainQ: What’s really going on when I’m overwhelmed by emotions even if everything looks fine on the outside?
A: You’ll learn the neuroscientific difference between feelings and emotions, plus why this distinction puts an to the cycle of overthinking feelings and asking “what is wrong with me”Q: What's the biggest misconception high-achievers have about feelings?
A: Most of us have a totally backward understanding of where feelings come from (and it’s not just psychological!). Courtney reveals the real, science-backed answer.Q: How can I feel my feelings without getting “lost” in them or falling apart?
A: Tune in for a client success story and discover a practical tool—the “mood meter”—to help you regain control and function, even on tough days.Q: Does thinking rationally mean I can escape feelings?
A: Logic and rationality can’t bypass feelings. Find out why every decision (yes, even the “rational” ones!) are shaped by your mood — and how to use this knowledge to your advantage.Q: What’s one quick, practical tweak I can use to feel better fast?
A: Courtney shares micro-strategies (think 30 seconds to 3 minutes) you can use right away to change your mood—and your experience.Highly Credible Resources Cited in this EpisodeBar, M. (2009). The proactive brain: memory for predictions. *Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B Biological Sciences*, *364*(1521), 1235–1243. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2008.0310Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.Barrett, L. F. (2006). Valence is a basic building block of emotional life. Journal of Research in Personality, 40(1), 35–55. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2005.08.006Barrett, L. F. (2016). The theory of constructed emotion: an active inference account of interoception and categorization. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, nsw154. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsw154Barrett, L. F., & Bar, M. (2009). See it with feeling: affective predictions during object perception. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 364(1521), 1325–1334. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2008.0312Barrett, L. F., Gross, J., Christensen, T. C., & Benvenuto, M. (2001). Knowing what you're feeling and knowing what to do about it: Mapping the relation between emotion differentiation and emotion regulation. Cognition and Emotion, 15(6), 713–724. https://doi.org/10.1080/02699930143000239Barrett, L. F., & Russell, J. A. (1999). The Structure of Current Affect. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 8(1), 10–14. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8721.00003Braem, S., Coenen, E., Klaas Bombeke, Bochove, van, & Wim Notebaert. (2015). Open your eyes for prediction errors. *Cognitive Affective & Behavioral Neuroscience*, *15*(2), 374–380. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13415-014-0333-4Bobba-Alves, N., Juster, R.-P., & Picard, M. (2022). The energetic cost of allostasis and allostatic load. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 146, 105951. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2022.105951Cesario, J., Johnson, D. J., & Eisthen, H. L. (2020). Your Brain Is Not an Onion With a Tiny Reptile Inside. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 29(3), 255–260. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721420917687‌Clark, A. (2013). Whatever next? Predictive brains, situated agents, and the future of cognitive science. *Behavioral and Brain Sciences*, *36*(3), 181–204. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0140525x12000477Gendron, M., Lindquist, K. A., Barsalou, L., & Barrett, L. F. (2012). Emotion words shape emotion percepts. Emotion, 12(2), 314–325. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0026007Hoemann, K., Gendron, M., & Barrett, L. F. (2022). Assessing the Power of Words to Facilitate Emotion Category Learning. Affective Science, 3(1), 69–80. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-021-00084-4Kleckner, I. R., Zhang, J., Touroutoglou, A., Chanes, L., Xia, C., Simmons, W. K., Quigley, K. S., Dickerson, B. C., & Feldman Barrett, L. (2017). Evidence for a large-scale brain system supporting allostasis and interoception in humans. Nature Human Behaviour, 1(5). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0069Mattes, A., Mück, M., & Stahl, J. (2023). Perfectionism-related variations in error processing in a task with increased response selection complexity. *Personality neuroscience*, *5*, e12. https://doi.org/10.1017/pen.2022.3Sullivan, W. T. (1990). Outward Searchers: SETI Pioneers . Scientists Talk about Their Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. DAVID W. SWIFT. University of Arizona Press, Tucson, 1990. xiv, 436 pp., illus. $35. Science, 250(4978), 303–303. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.250.4978.303-a Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

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  31:54
• Access Your Abilities in a Way Burnt Out You Could Never Compete With

  You’re doing everything right. You’re ambitious, successful + driven. So why is it your energy is nonexistent, patience is razor-thin + your mind can't stop overthinking? If your days are starting with dread and ending in exhaustion — this episode is your wake-up call. On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or accessing your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire In this Episode You’ll Learn:How pushing through dewires your brain into survival modeWhat caffeine, people pleasing + Top Ramen have in common16 surprising signs your brain is starvingWhy ruminating and indecisiveness are symptoms—not problems to solveHow a healthy Person Account™ allows you to access your abilities in a way burnt out you could never compete with Resources Mentioned In Episode 253:Recharge your Person Account Book your Perfect Start 1:1 session nowMagic Skill for Control of Emotions [Neuroscience Series #1] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 248How Perfectionist Brain *Actually* Works [Neuroscience Series #2] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 249Can't Stop Ruminating? Here's Why [Neuroscience Series #3] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 250Neuroplasticity  [Neuroscience Series #4] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 251#1 Thing Stops Perfectionists From Growth [Neuroscience Series #5] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 252  TIMESTAMPS:02:09-Why Perfectionists Need More Fuel for Our Brains04:10-MYTH: You Have to Stop Being a Perfectionist06:24-Clues You’re on the Path to Chronic Stress09:32-Burn Out is Not the Price of Ambition10:25-Case Study: How Stacey found Clarity, Energy, Peace12:43-I Ruminate Over Decisions bc I Need to Make the Right Decision14:05-Why You’re Choosing Instant Relief (and Paying Later)16:11-A Healthy Person Account™ = Liberation17:32-How to Always Know How Your Person Account™ is Doing  Citations/Sources:Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.Barrett, L. F., Quigley, K. S., & Hamilton, P. (2016). An active inference theory of allostasis and interoception in depression. *Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences*, *371*(1708), 20160011. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2016.0011Bobba-Alves, N., Juster, R.-P., & Picard, M. (2022). The energetic cost of allostasis and allostatic load. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 146, 105951. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2022.105951Dwyer, P. (2022). The Neurodiversity Approach(es): What Are They and What Do They Mean for Researchers? Human Development, 66(2), 73–92. https://doi.org/10.1159/000523723Ganzel, B. L., & Morris, P. A. (2011). Allostasis and the developing human brain: Explicit consideration of implicit models. Development and Psychopathology, 23(4), 955–974. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0954579411000447‌Guidi, J., Lucente, M., Sonino, N., & Fava, Giovanni A. (2020). Allostatic Load and Its Impact on Health: A Systematic Review. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 90(1), 11–27. https://doi.org/10.1159/000510696Kleckner, I. R., Zhang, J., Touroutoglou, A., Chanes, L., Xia, C., Simmons, W. K., Quigley, K. S., Dickerson, B. C., & Feldman Barrett, L. (2017). Evidence for a large-scale brain system supporting allostasis and interoception in humans. Nature Human Behaviour, 1(5). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0069Knezevic, E., Katarina Nenic, Milanovic, V., & Knezevic, N. N. (2023). The Role of Cortisol in Chronic Stress, Neurodegenerative Diseases, and Psychological Disorders. Cells, 12(23), 2726–2726. https://doi.org/10.3390/cells12232726‌McEwen, B. S., & Gianaros, P. J. (2011). Stress- and Allostasis-Induced Brain Plasticity. Annual Review of Medicine, 62(1), 431–445. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-med-052209-100430 Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

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  18:36
• The #1 Thing That Stops Perfectionists from Growth

  Feel like you're working hard but not seeing the progress you want? It's NOT YOU or your PERFECTIONISM – it's your Person Account™ . Discover my proprietary framework that’s changing the game for Perfectionist Solution’s clients, and will do the same for you.  In this Episode You’ll Learn:How ruminating + running a 10k impact you the exact same wayWhy perfectionist brains work overtime + cost more to operateHow to tell if you’re operating in a constant state of depletion without realizing itWhat Cortisol actually is (it's NOT a STRESS HORMONE)The hidden reason therapy + personal development don't work On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire Resources Mentioned In Episode 252:Perfect Start SessionMagic Skill for Control of Emotions [Neuroscience Series #1] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 248How Perfectionist Brain *Actually* Works [Neuroscience Series #2] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 249Can't Stop Ruminating? Here's Why [Neuroscience Series #3] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 250  TIMESTAMPS:0:53-Why You're Not Making Progress Despite Trying Harder02:15-Allostasis: How Your Brain Allocates05:07-The Hidden Reason Therapy Isn’t Working06:30-Why Perfectionist Brains Cost More to Operate07:25-Living in a Depleted State Without Realizing It09:31-Stressed out: Eustress vs. Distress10:29-Truth about Cortisol + Stress Response12:35-The Slow Drip of Perfectionist Burnout15:17-How to Tell if You’re Running on Empty  Citations/Sources:Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.Bobba-Alves, N., Juster, R.-P., & Picard, M. (2022). The energetic cost of allostasis and allostatic load. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 146, 105951. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2022.105951Dwyer, P. (2022). The Neurodiversity Approach(es): What Are They and What Do They Mean for Researchers? Human Development, 66(2), 73–92. https://doi.org/10.1159/000523723Ganzel, B. L., & Morris, P. A. (2011). Allostasis and the developing human brain: Explicit consideration of implicit models. Development and Psychopathology, 23(4), 955–974. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0954579411000447‌Guidi, J., Lucente, M., Sonino, N., & Fava, Giovanni A. (2020). Allostatic Load and Its Impact on Health: A Systematic Review. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 90(1), 11–27. https://doi.org/10.1159/000510696Kleckner, I. R., Zhang, J., Touroutoglou, A., Chanes, L., Xia, C., Simmons, W. K., Quigley, K. S., Dickerson, B. C., & Feldman Barrett, L. (2017). Evidence for a large-scale brain system supporting allostasis and interoception in humans. Nature Human Behaviour, 1(5). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-017-0069Knezevic, E., Katarina Nenic, Milanovic, V., & Knezevic, N. N. (2023). The Role of Cortisol in Chronic Stress, Neurodegenerative Diseases, and Psychological Disorders. Cells, 12(23), 2726–2726. https://doi.org/10.3390/cells12232726‌McEwen, B. S., & Gianaros, P. J. (2011). Stress- and Allostasis-Induced Brain Plasticity. Annual Review of Medicine, 62(1), 431–445. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-med-052209-100430 Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

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  16:58
• Neuroplasticity

  On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire In this Episode You’ll Learn:How neuroplasticity works and why it’s crucial for perfectionistsThe surprising difference in brain flexibility before and after age 45Real-life coaching breakthroughs that prove brain rewiring is possibleWhy *use it or lose it* is the key to changing perfectionist tendenciesThe fastest way to stop rumination, self-doubt and overanalyzing mistakes Resources Mentioned In Episode 251:Take your first step in rewiring Perfect Start Introductory SessionMagic Skill for Control of Emotions [Neuroscience Series #1] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 248How Perfectionist Brain *Actually* Works [Neuroscience Series #2] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 249Can't Stop Ruminating? Here's Why [Neuroscience Series #3] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 250 TIMESTAMPS:00:00-Why Age 45 Is a Brain Plasticity Tipping Point01:07-Analogy for what is neuroplasticity02:52-Rewire your brain with Perfect Start Session05:29-Framework for Rewiring Perfectionism Inside Out06:10-Transformative Effects of Cognitive Flexibility Citations/Sources:Cramer, S. C., Sur, M., Dobkin, B. H., C. O'Brien, Sanger, T. D., Trojanowski, J. Q., … Haber, S. (2011). Harnessing neuroplasticity for clinical applications. Brain, 134(6), 1591–1609. https://doi.org/10.1093/brain/awr039Fuchs, E., & Flügge, G. (2014). Adult Neuroplasticity: More Than 40 Years of Research. Neural Plasticity, 2014, 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1155/2014/541870Green, C. S., & Bavelier, D. (2008). Exercising your brain: A review of human brain plasticity and training-induced learning. Psychology and Aging, 23(4), 692–701. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014345Isheqlou, L.K., Soltanlou, M., Zarean, M., Saeedi, M.T. and Heysieattalab, S. (2023). Feedback-related negativity in perfectionists: An index of performance outcome evaluation. Behavioural Brain Research, 444, 114358–114358. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbr.2023.114358Petersen, J., Ong, C. W., Hancock, A. S., Gillam, R. B., Levin, M. E., & Twohig, M. P. (2021). An Examination of the Relationship Between Perfectionism and Neurological Functioning. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, 35(3), 195–211. https://doi.org/10.1891/jcpsy-d-20-00037‌ Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

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  7:20
• Can’t Stop Ruminating? Here's Why

  "Part of the reason I stay super busy is bc if I stop to rest l'll ruminate. And if I ruminate, I start spiraling. And if I spiraling I'm like a nosediving plane" Sound familiar? Discover the ANSWER to WHY you get stuck in your most annoying perfectionist tendencies, like ruminating, catastrophizing, overthinking every small mistake etc. Plus the 6 reasons your perfectionist brain holds on to outdated habits,  how chronic stress impacts your brain’s ability to change, the role of back and white thinking in reinforcing unhelpful neural pathways, why past experiences trick your brain into seeing danger everywhere and how to stop your worries from becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.  On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire TIMESTAMPS:00:00–How to finally take charge of ruminating02:16–Missed the last episode? Here’s a quick recap04:06–What happens when your brain gets it wrong06:09–Why perfectionist brains resists learning from mistakes07:40–6 sneaky reasons your brain ignores new info08:23–How chronic stress keeps your brain stuck10:20–Why your brain clings to old patterns11:42–The hidden reason you avoid discomfort12:51–When your brain blows things out of proportion13:49–How black-and-white thinking is like wearing blinders15:19–Why past experiences warp your reactions19:34–How to update your brain so you can get unstuck21:09–One small shift to start seeing change today The first step in rewiring Resources Mentioned In Episode 250:Take your first step in rewiring Perfect Start Introductory SessionMagic Skill for Control of Emotions [Neuroscience Series #1] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 248How Perfectionist Brain *Actually* Works [Neuroscience Series #2] Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 249When Taking A Few Deep Breaths Isn't Enough Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 192Will Save Your Sanity(might change your life) Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 193 Citations/Sources:Bar, M. (2009). The proactive brain: memory for predictions. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B Biological Sciences, 364(1521), 1235–1243. https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2008.0310Barrett, L. F., & Simmons, W. K. (2015). Interoceptive predictions in the brain. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 16(7), 419–429. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3950Braem, S., Coenen, E., Klaas Bombeke, Bochove, van, & Wim Notebaert. (2015). Open your eyes for prediction errors. Cognitive Affective & Behavioral Neuroscience, 15(2), 374–380. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13415-014-0333-4Clark, A. (2013). Whatever next? Predictive brains, situated agents, and the future of cognitive science. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 36(3), 181–204. https://doi.org/10.1017/s0140525x12000477Handley, A. K., Egan, S. J., Kane, R. T., & Rees, C. S. (2014). The relationships between perfectionism, pathological worry and generalised anxiety disorder. BMC Psychiatry, 14(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-244x-14-98Kummer, K., Mattes, A. & Stahl, J. Do perfectionists show negative, repetitive thoughts facing uncertain situations?. Curr Psychol (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-023-04409-3Lital Yosopov, Saklofske, D. H., Smith, M. M., Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2024). Failure Sensitivity in Perfectionism and Procrastination: Fear of Failure and Overgeneralization of Failure as Mediators of Traits and Cognitions. Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment, 42(6), 705–724. https://doi.org/10.1177/07342829241249784Mattes, A., Mück, M., & Stahl, J. (2022). Perfectionism-related variations in error processing in a task with increased response selection complexity. Personality Neuroscience, 5. https://doi.org/10.1017/pen.2022.3‌McNally, G. P., Johansen, J. P., & Blair, H. T. (2011). Placing prediction into the fear circuit. *Trends in Neurosciences*, *34*(6), 283–292. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tins.2011.03.005‌Meyer, A., & Wissemann, K. (2020). Controlling parenting and perfectionism is associated with an increased error-related negativity (ERN) in young adults. *Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience*, *15*(1), 87–95. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsaa018‌Roy, M., Shohamy, D., Daw, N., Jepma, M., Wimmer, G. E., & Wager, T. D. (2014). Representation of aversive prediction errors in the human periaqueductal gray. *Nature Neuroscience*, *17*(11), 1607–1612. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.3832‌ Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.

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