Near Death Experience Brings True Purpose [Part 1]
00:00 Introduction and Background03:00 Growing Up in Turmoil11:41 The Impact of Divorce20:10 Moving Forward and Making Choices28:11 Negative Coping Mechanisms37:48 Recognizing the Need for Change42:09 Learning from Others' Mistakes43:37 Making a Decision for Change45:03 Using Distractions to Cover Up Pain45:29 The Turning Point: A Near-Death Experience Off the Wire (00:10)Welcome back to another episode of Off the Wire. And I have the privilege of having my coach, Kill Mode, Dan Long, on this podcast. And I am privileged because Dan has invested a ton in me as a friend, as a mentor, as a coach, to be able to make my life better, to be able to do the things, the dreams that I have and the things I've been trying to execute on in my own life. And as you know, in this podcast, Off the Wire, I'm trying to link together both what we believe about God and the life of faith, and then how that applies to our life so that it's not just, hey, I believe in God, but it has nothing to do with the here and now in our physical bodies. And a lot of times we can differentiate between what we do in our physical bodies from what we do in our spiritual lives. But what we're gonna be talking about today with Dan, because he has been a fitness entrepreneur over 20 years, is that right, Dan? I mean, how long have you been doing it? Well, I've been really dedicated. First of all, thank you so much for having me on here, Matt. I am very blessed and for everybody listening, please, if we give you some value today, give Matt some love back to this podcast because that's what this is really all about. It's about you, it's about us spending time, sharing time, and literally dumping the value into you guys that we possibly can give you because God gave us our gifts and it's our choice and it's our job to actually open those gifts and share them with the world. And that's what our goal is today. And so thank you so much for having me today, Matt. I mean, I am literally blessed to be on this podcast with you today and I am blessed to share time. And so getting into personal training and not only that, but just health and fitness. I mean, I've been, I have been dedicated to the health and fitness space since the age of 20 years old. So everybody knows I'm now 50. And so I've been doing this for a little over 30 years. Now, as far as dedicated and full time, like literally changing people's lives and impacting people globally, yeah, it's been a good 20 years, but putting it in a business realm, it's been since 2009. Like 2009 is really when I went all in and realized that health and fitness is my 100% passion. Not only do... I love helping people like yourself and other people in the world that I've been blessed to be able to be a part of your lives. It's also something for me to be able to share these gifts that God gave me because I've gone through a lot of turmoil. There's been a lot of things that have gotten me to this point. It didn't just happen. It was something that, you know, everybody's like, well, how do I find my passion? You know, how do I really hone in on what I should be doing and what God thinks I should be doing? And, you know, this is all, honestly, I believe in God's messengers. And so, you know, I believe people come to you and they tell you what you're really great at. They tell you what you should be doing more of, and you should be paying attention to that. And mine just happened to be health and fitness. One of those things was that coaching was another thing because I love people. I'm a people person. If you've ever met me, I may look intimidating from a distance, but once you talk to me, you'll realize that I'm a good dude. I really do care. and I'm here for you, you know, and if I have anything that I can help lift you up and or give you any positivity or give you any type of a blueprint that can help you get to where you want to go, you can bet your bottom dollar. I will do that. And that's really what it's all about for me, Matt. So, you know, I've been in this game for a little while now and I got a lot more to go everybody. Listen, I'm 50. This is a short life. Wouldn't you agree, Matt? In a short life like it's not really that long. We're on the downhill now according to the timeline of history, right? Like I just turned 45 a couple days ago and we're on the down swing now, according to everything. But I think in a lot of ways, you know, many good things that have happened and a lot of the people that have blessed the world have done that on the back half of their life. You know, as you think about all of the, you know, everybody that... I can think of right now, it takes time for you to find your calling and to step into that. It takes a lot of courage and it takes a lot of just being fed up with what you've been dealing with. And I want to double click for a minute on you mentioned that you've had your share of struggles in life. And I'd love to hear just how you came in, not just the fitness space, but just a little bit of your journey. You came from a pretty rough upbringing. but you're probably one of the most positive people that I know. What in the world happened to where you're not falling into that vein of doing what has always been done around you? Because so many people that I talk to, they live their lives out of habit and out of not thinking about what they're actually doing, and they just pick up the habits that they were taught over time. So what clicked for you? What snapped? What was the point where you're like, This is not going to be true of Dan Long. This may have been true for other people that I've grown up with, but not me. Can you walk us through that a little bit? Sure. So everyone knows, I'm 50 years old. I have an amazing wife of 16 years, married 13 years now. She's my Greek princess. As you can tell, if you're watching this right now, you can tell this is the Parthenon here in Greece where I've taken my whole family. We've been multiple times. I'm so blessed to have my wife. She is the rock of our family. On top of that, I have three amazing kids. I have a stepdaughter that is 25 years old. I have my own daughter that's turning 19 next month. And then I also have my son that is from previous marriage. And all three of my kids are my kids, but they're from a previous marriage. My son's 17 turning 18 December. Now, I want everybody to know, I was never always a family man. I was never always a husband. I was never always, honestly,positive of every single moment of the day. I had to get there. I really did. I had to get there because I went through a lot of things. And my mom and dad, my father went to the Vietnam War and he went at a young age of 18 years old, they were handing him a gun and said, you're going to go fight for our country right out of high school. And my mom was more or less kind of on the standby waiting on him to come back. And my father was over there earning every award you could imagine, even including being shot at and he's got to this day he has shrapnel in his legs that still sits in there because they didn't want to remove it because it would have caused more problems and so he had a purple heart from all that. So he spent years over there fighting right. So I grew up in a, I want to everybody understand like my mentality of when I grew up in my household was military and my father was, my father didn't have a father and so this is one of the reasons why when you get into my story here. I've given him more of a pass a little bit. And I've also, you know, I love him no matter what, but I also know why he's the way he is. And so, you know, my father never grew up with a father figure and his dad died from leukemia at the age of four when he was four years old. And so he never really knew his dad. And so going into the war, that's already a lot, right? On a man to put you out in war at 18 years old. And then he comes back and now he knows he has to provide for the family and back then in these days, right? That's what the man did, right? He went out and provided for the family. If the wife could stay home, she was the housewife. And that's the way it became. Well, they were obviously high school sweethearts and that's what they, they grown close together. But then they grew far apart. And I noticed this as a kid, now that I know what I know, they started growing apart because he was always gone. And this is gonna come front and forward in the future of why I'm where I'm at today. But my father was, he was always really good at what he did and he really wanted to serve. And so he decided to go in the police academy. and he decided to become a police officer. And I remember those days. I remember him coming home. I'll never forget it. I remember him coming home and just being so excited about going into the police academy and he got accepted. And this was a life-changing event. Matter of fact, this was right before John Lennon got shot. I remember when that happened. And so at that time, my father is like, okay, I'm gonna go do this. Well, now, so everybody understands if you have a police officer in your family or someone in your spouse, is a police officer or anyone knows, like you are gonna get 40 hours of work, but you're gonna make all your money when you work overtime. That's the way it works, okay? And so with police officers, they entice them to work off duty shifts all the time. So I never saw my dad. I played 10 years of sports throughout school. Four and a half years of baseball, I played three years of track and field, three years of cross country and I ran cross country and I also played two years of football. During the entire time of all of that, my father was never in the stands one time. Now, I could say that that's all his fault, or I could say that half of it's the job, the J-O-B, and half of it's because he made the decisions the way that he did. Now, he was never big into sports, he never was. He was a guy that was big into just really honestly serving our country and helping the people around our city. And so I grew up where I really felt like I didn't have a dad. I mean, I did. But I didn't. And then all of a sudden, and my mom stayed home and she cooked and she cleaned and she took care of the house and made sure us, us kids were taken care of and so forth and we didn't grow up with any money, just so everybody knows, like we were, you know, we were not even in the average when it comes to income, um, with one household with my father at the time, just getting started. And then all of a sudden at 11 years old, my mom and dad, I have, at this time, I have a brother that is six and a half years younger than me that was born. His name is Tim. And. we are now living at the house and I'm never seeing my father, but then all of a sudden, you know, my mom and dad are starting to have serious turmoil inside our household. And that's when my mom and dad separated at 11 years. I was 11 years old at the time. And for every kid, it's different. And everyone listening right now, if you've ever been through a divorce, you understand what I'm talking about. If you are going through a divorce, I pray for you. And I'm praying that it all comes out great, not only for just you, but also the kids, because the kids are, it molds your kids for the future. Okay. And I'm a product of that. Now, it could have gone really bad. And you're right, Matt. I will tell you, there's been many people tell me I do not know knowing everything they know about me, which is not everything, but they don't know how I'm not permanently messed up like forever or a drug addict or an alcoholic or just literally looking at the world as negativity because it can happen very easily, right? It's a choice. But being at 11 years old, you would think, are my grades, everybody just so you know, my grades were straight A's. I worked my butt off in school. My father really, honestly, he had me scared to do wrong. He had me scared to ever try a drug. He had me scared to ever try to get a tattoo. I know you see the tattoos on me now. He told me if I ever grew my hair along, he would hurt me. Literally, he would fricking hurt me. And so I was scared of my dad. And my dad was a big dude, six foot two, carried himself very well. If he smiled a lot, it was, I mean, he did, but he didn't, you know, he just kept things very serious. That's how he was. So in my household, if you, if you got a hurt on something, put some duct tape on it, like there was, you're not going to, you're not going to the doctor. It was just, it was a rough time. And so, and so, you know, when my mom and dad divorced, man, it was, it was a devastating thing for me. I did not realize it. I was in it. I was dealing with it, but I really didn't even realize that. That was the reason why I was feeling, that's what's crazy everybody. I was 11 years old. You would think that at that age, I would be able to decipher why I was going through what I was. And I literally could not even figure that out. And here's kind of like the moment that really hit me. It was like, I got pulled in back in the day, there was these things called portables. And portables were for mobile classrooms to be added onto your school. And I actually liked them, because you could go inside there and you walk up the stairs and you get in, the floors would creak. It was kind of cool, right? And so I remember being pulled in there and the guidance counselor showing up and saying to me, could you please tell me why your grades went from straight A's to now F's and I remember breaking down crying and not being able to answer that question truthfully. I could not answer the question. I did not know. And so that kind of started my understanding of like, I'm, I'm messed up. Something's wrong here. I'm as a kid, I'm something's not right. So then, and I don't want to sit here and bash my parents because they're amazing. I love them. We are all in the same. frame of mind today. We see each other, some more than others, but I love them and I would do anything for my parents. Okay. But I don't have to carry on traits that I don't agree with. I don't have to. That's my choice. Okay. And it's our job as when we become adults and we have children that we should be looking at the past generations and saying we shouldn't do that. We should do this and we should keep continuing to work forward to make our families and our generations within our families better. That should be our goal, right? And so, I'm sorry, this is a long story, but I just, I have to kind of paint, I gotta paint the picture for you to understand. And so, and so, and so everyone knows trauma, I've learned this today, right? Cause we all should have coaches, we all should have therapists, we all should have people that are in the spiritual realm of a pastor or a priest to go to and be able to throw things off of that person and get discernment. That's really what it's about, right? Don't hold it in. And I'm guilty of that for many years of my life. I'm so guilty of that and I don't do that anymore. Um, and I hope you don't after today. Okay. And so, you know, and I hope the story inspires you some because if it can happen to me, it can happen to you guys. So, um, at 11 years old, this all happens. And my mom, if you ask my mother today, okay, no one knows this and I'm gonna tell you on this podcast. If you ask my mom today, if she would take my father back, she would tell you she loves my dad. And she would take him back in a heartbeat because she's the father of the children and she's always loved him. And obviously, you can tell that the relationship didn't split because she's the one that pulled the cord. It was actually him. And that's another story for another day. But long story short, him being a police officer and being on call all the time, being on the street all the time, I grew up in a neighborhood, just so everyone knows. It is not a neighborhood that you would want to be ideal for children to grow up in with gunshots. people being murdered inside the woods that were right next to my house. Just so everyone knows, if you look at me now, I'm six foot two, yes, I'm muscular. I was not always that way. I was six foot two when I graduated high school at 169 pounds, okay? Today I'm six foot two and I'm 225 on a good day. Okay, so, and I'm pretty lean. So, and all of that came from subconscious so that I didn't even realize that later on that would happen. And so, growing up in this neighborhood, I just want to paint a picture for you. You know, my father would bring his police car home and they were allowed to back then. And they parked them on the front lawn. Well, that put a target on us as a family, okay? Because we are not in a great area. There was a lot of drug use being used around there. Don't ask me why my dad picked this area. I do not know, but my mom still lives there to this day. Okay, still lives there to this day and is friends with all the neighbors. They don't mess with her. It's crazy, but she still deals with a lot of drama in that neighborhood. Helicopters all the time, police officers coming down the road trying to make sure people are okay. It's a high crime area, okay? And so go ahead and plan a police car in her front lawn and see what happens. It was nothing for us to have a bomb threat at our front door with a paper bag with wires sticking out of it, okay, on every other week. And I'm not, and we would always go across the street to the neighbor's house. The bomb squad would come over. They would get out everything they need to get out to get this ding thing off the front lawn and figure out if this thing's a bomb. I've seen onions inside bags with wires sticking out of them. I've seen hate notes. My first dog, Pepper, I had a doxin. My dad got me. And my dog was killed by someone in the neighborhood. This is the stuff I was dealing with. And granted, don't get me wrong, I had a lot of great times, too. But I was. considered to be the local snitch. Even though I was not, I was labeled as the local snitch. I was labeled as- You're the queen's office kid, right? Exactly, I was labeled as a father. What are you gonna do, go tell your daddy? What are you gonna do? He's gonna go, you're gonna have your daddy arrest me? This is what I grew up with, okay? And it was all the time. And so from elementary, all the way through high school, I literally was beat up a lot. And my father did not teach me, unfortunately, and I'm gonna call him out on this because I don't want anybody else to do this, okay? In the United States, we're not supposed to be big on bullying. Bullying is supposed to be something that is frowned upon and it is looked at as we should get rid of bullying, okay? Well, I had these two kids in elementary, first grade, I'll never forget it, first grade, Dusty and Darren, and what did they wanna do? They wanted to bully me. So I went to my dad and I said, dad, this is what I'm dealing with. And my father, he says to me, son, you need to turn around and walk away. Now I want everybody to understand that was the worst advice that you could ever give someone, because now I know what my father was doing. He was protecting his badge. He didn't want his name to be mud in the area because his son gets into fights at a school when all along it wasn't even being caused by me because I'm the least person in the world that wants to start a fight. Okay. And if you ever looked at me back then. Like I looked at this homie little kid, like I was not that guy. I was just not that guy. I didn't grow up with that. And so that's what I did. I turned around and walked away and it caused me major, major anxiety, major heartache. I was always looking over my shoulder. I constantly knew that I was gonna get beat up. I had to run home all the time. I had to try to- Because they didn't stop bullying you. They just kept- They kept on. And they kept on Matt because why I showed them that I was weak. And because if I showed them, I was weak, they're going to pick on you more. And so no, I'm not telling you to try to beat somebody up, but what I am telling you is you need to stay in your ground and show someone that you're not scared. And if that's what it takes, that's what you have to do. Okay. And, and, and until I got older, I didn't realize that. Okay. Well, my father taught me the wrong way. I'm telling you right now. And so I taught my kid the opposite. He had one time someone in his school took his sandwich. I shouldn't say one time. It happened multiple times, but one last time, this kid took his sandwich out of his lunch bag, right in front of him, three times his size, at a good school, by the way, and he ate it right in front of him. And he asked him not to do that. And then that was the last time that kid ever did that because my son did exactly what I told him to do, which was stay on your fricking ground. And yes, he got suspended into detention for three days. And I talked to the police officer, I talked to the school resource officer. I called the principal. I told my kids, I will always back you if it's not your fault. Do not start things, but back yourself up. That happened. The police officer had to do his protocol. And long story short with all that, it never happened again. And my son's a senior in school and he has a reputation. Do not screw with that kid. And it carries on guys, it really does. And so throughout high school, so here's me, I'm getting beat up. I got bomb threats on the front lawn. Every neighbor kid thinks I'm a snitch. I get a bicycle that's brand new from Christmas. There's this guy Jack that lived on the street. He picked up my bike and literally slammed it on the ground and bent the frame. Okay, brand spanking new, just because this is what I had to deal with, okay? And so then my mom and dad divorced at 11. And I'm devastated internally, don't even know why. And then all of a sudden. Sorry, mom, but you know, she knows this and she's already apologized for this, but my mom was in such unbelievable, like her brain was just in a place where it was like, she didn't know how to handle what was going on in her world. She turned to alcohol, okay? And when she turned to alcohol, next thing you know, alcohol became the priority. Not me, not my son, not my, not my, it's not my son, he was, I was like my son, not my brother. Okay, it was her. just trying to get rid of pain. I can see that now and I understand that, okay? But it's not okay to take your kids and leave them outside of a bar while you go inside and get hammered. That was me, okay? They left me, my mom would leave me with her sister and my cousin outside. And so the sister and her would go inside the bar. That bar still exists here in Tampa Bay. And the railroad tracks right next to it. We used to sit there as kids and sit there and break bottles with rocks. And then we would put stuff on the railroad track trying to derail a train, which you can't do. I don't, I don't recommend that either. Okay. And so anyways, here we are. We're out here doing things you shouldn't even be doing anyways. And I'm being left out in the open like that. I mean, are you fricking kidding me? So then this just spiraled out of, out of control for six months. It spiraled out of control to the point where not only was my mom doing that, but my mom was, let's just say speed dating. Okay. And I'm seeing this in front of me. Yeah. And the last straw was right before I turned 12 years old. I was six months into this divorce. Yes, my mom got custody, believe it or not, with my dad even being a cop in Florida. It is very difficult to get custody of your children. And now it's 50-50 shared parenting. And so long story short with all that, she got custody. But after time and time and time again, it's Christmas Eve. And I'm taking myself back to that place right now. And I remember it like yesterday. It's Christmas Eve. The Christmas tree is lit. My mom is not home. I am watching my brother. Santa Claus is supposed to be coming. And my mom comes home with a guy I've never seen. And she was not sober. And all I could think to myself was, my brother is not gonna have a Christmas like he deserves, like I did when I was a child. And I felt for him. And when that happened, I literally picked, when my mom disappeared to the back of the house, I picked up the phone and dialed just like this because that's how it was back then. I dialed just like that. I dialed my dad and I said, you need to come get me and my brother. And we're not living here. That's it. And so he showed up and it was a big fricking ordeal on my front lawn. We left and I'd never been back to my mom since. And my dad got custody of us after that. And I'm with him and my stepmother, which they're still together today. They've been together for a very long time. long time like 34 years something like that 35 years um and we moved in there and my stepmom owned her own grooming shop and she um did pretty well i mean you know back then she was doing pretty well for herself and so you know i got experienced now into a new world of a pool i never saw a pool before um i came into this house and you know there were fancier things than what we had. And the next thing I know, she's saying, I wanna make you a steak, dinner, and lobster. I didn't even know what that was. And so I'm being introduced to stuff now, but I want everybody to understand something. As a kid, let me tell you what that kid wants more than anything for you to buy them stuff. Sure, that is an instant minute of gratification that does not last forever, okay? And I know this because I've been there. And I'm gonna tell you guys what the kids really want. They want to know they have a purpose. They want to know they have parents that love them. That's what they want, OK? No matter how much you think it's all the other shiny objects, it is not that, OK? It is when it all boils down, it's the older they get, and the more that it becomes more and more coherent of what's going on, they want to know that they are loved, and they have a purpose, and the reason why they are here. Period. That is it. So my stepmom, she tried to do a lot of things I was not okay with because, you know, I get it. You're trying to buy my love more or less, right? And to this day, I don't call her mother. My mom is my mom. She's my stepmom. It doesn't mean I love her less, I'm just saying. And when I got this experience of all this stuff, I was like, I really, honestly, I want everybody to know I got mad. I got mad. I got really mad. I got mad at it all because I wanted my mom and dad together. I didn't want my mom and dad separated. And that wasn't, and here's the problem. This is another thing I don't recommend as your parent right now, going through all this or possibly going to go through it. Okay. Do not put your children in the middle of this. It is not their fault. They did not do anything wrong at all period. And if, and if you do, they're going to carry that burden for their life. Okay. I am still carrying burdens from this. That is something that I have to skew. Okay. Cause I've almost become an alcoholic before I've almost went off the rails on drugs before. I have literally done things to cover up pain in an older stage of my life, in my early 20s, where I had to figure out who was me. I had to figure out what I was all about. Why am I feeling the way that I did? I didn't have help. We tried counselors and I bait and switched them because my mom would always be like, oh, I'm gonna get you a counselor and this and that. I said, okay, fine. I was not about it, but. I go in there, the counselor's like, yeah, and this is not every counselor, okay? This is just the ones I was dealing with. Yeah, whatever you say in this room, we're sworn to secrecy and it will never be shared with your parents. And I set them up and I was smart enough to know to set them up and I set them up and I knew that if I told them something that was about my mother, that my mom would never be able to keep her mouth shut in the heat of the moment. And there was no one else that knew it other than the person I told. And so, When that happened, it hit the fan. Okay? And I literally said, I was never going back to a counselor ever again. And my mom knew she was lying. They were lying to me, because she knew. I was like, there's no way for you to sit here and lie to me. Okay? And so anyways, that kind of soured me for a while. And so, I mean, I could sit here and talk for days on all this, but let me just tell you right now, this is the turmoil that I was dealing with. Okay? And so my mom and dad did put me in the middle of it. They were literally gonna put me on a stand in front of a judge and say, Who do you want to live with? Do not do that to your children. They want to live with both of you. They don't want to live with the mom more than mom or the dad or more than dad. They want to live with both of you. Now there are certain circumstances where that could change, but in most cases that's not the case, okay? And so this is the burden I'm dealing with on my own parenting side now. And meanwhile, I'm trying to be like a parent to my own brother, which my brother and I are like this today. We're very close, okay? And I also had a step brother that... You know, my dad married into with my stepmom, Sue, and I had a stepbrother that also was a year and a half younger than me. So now I got another brother. And so, uh, which we pinky swore that we would never be cops, by the way. And the reason all is not because I don't think cops are amazing. It's because I never saw my family. And I literally knew that as a young age where I'm just like, man, I don't want this for my family moving forward. And so, um, With all this, because I can go on forever, I want everybody to know, fast forward, how did I, because your question, Matt, how did I take all of that and turn it into positive? Well, it took work. Okay. It took work because in my young twenties, I hated cops. Go figure. Why is that? I don't hate anybody. I hated police officers. I hated authority. I hated rules. I hated having to be in the situation I was with my mom and dad. I hated the fact that my brother did not get the same upbringing. I felt like he should have, although it ended up turning out. He got a better upbringing than me, which is great. Cause as soon as I left home, things changed. Um, you know, I had a lot of anger, a lot of anger built up that I didn't even realize at the time guys, I really did not realize it. I used to literally go, there's this place here in Tampa Bay. I live in Tampa, Florida, so everybody knows. And. was this place called Ybor City. And back then, there wasn't a whole lot going on down there. But anyways, I used to go down there and there'd be some cops and this and that. And I would instigate issues. I really would. I would instigate issues because that was my way of getting back at what I dealt with when I was younger and still. Honestly, I still deal with some of it today. Okay. But I just know how to deal with it. Okay. And so I got arrested. Yeah. I got arrested when I moved out at 18 years old. for stealing a pack of condoms. Okay, and I'm gonna tell you that because the truth is, here I am, I'm with a girl for two years, I didn't want to have a kid and I didn't have any money. So what did I do? I went and fricking stole the pack of condoms and I got arrested for it, okay. Then after that, which I know that sounds crazy, but you know what, they're expensive. And when you're young, it's a big deal, okay. And then I learned a little bit of a lesson from that and then went for, just working my butt off up in Gainesville. I moved to Gainesville and I ran away. Just so everybody knows, I ran away at 18 because my mom and dad, this is another thing I don't recommend. The last thing you ever wanna do to a rebel, someone like me, is sit there and tell them and hold it over their head, well, when you turn 18, if you wanna talk like that, you can. If you wanna turn 18, you wanna go eat food like that, you can. If you wanna turn 18, you wanna move out, go ahead. We dare you, okay? Do not do that to people that are like me, a rebel. Do not do that, okay? Because that sits in there and all you think about is that. every single fricking day. That's what I thought about every single day. And I grew up with parents that use the F word, every other sentence, because it's all police talk. My stepmom was a police officer. And just so you know, besides owning a grooming shop, that was my dad's ride-along partner. That when they split up, my mom and dad, that's who he married. Okay, so you do the math on that. And so here I am, I'm in all this turmoil. I'm... I'm out living on my own because I left home at 18. I left home on bad terms, but you know what? Legally, I could leave on my own. I've never been home ever since. And two weeks after I left home, I talked to my dad and I said, I'm coming by to grab my stuff. And he had no clue where I was. Just so you guys know, he had every police officer in Tampa Bay looking for me. I used to be a long distance runner. And I also grew up with a father that was a police officer. So I knew how to do what I needed to do. Okay, and I got out of town. And, um, I came back every bit of everything I owned was in a black trash bag, sitting on the front lawn. He walked out, I'm putting the bags in the car and he looked at me all mad at me and says, you know, you are never going to amount to nothing. This is what he says to me. And I said, I said, oh yeah. I said, well, you know what? I'm going to make you eat those words. He says, you're not going to college. You think you're going to move out right now and you're going to go live on your own. You have no money and you're literally going to go do all this on your own right now. And you think you're going to amount to something. He's like, you'll never amount to nothing. And all he did was piss me off more to the point where now I took that and I put it on my shoulder and I said, I am never going to ask my parents for anything ever again in my life, ever, never. Okay. And when I draw a line in the sand, I want everybody to know it is a fricking done deal. Okay. There is no ifs, ands or buts or no, this is how it goes down. And I drove off and I started my quest and little did I know it would come back at 20 years old, 21 years old, right around when I started turning into the drinking age. Um, the pain would resurface because you can only cover that stuff up so much and you can only compress this stuff in your spine. so much down before it will show its head, okay? It will come back up. And when it does, it's not gonna be good. And you notice that a lot of successful entrepreneurs go through a lot of trauma in their early ages. And I've known this now because I'm involved with a lot of different groups of amazing people that do amazing things and they have a lot of trauma. We have a podcast, we talk to a lot of people, we think our stories are bad. People always out there have worse stories than us, okay? And so, Matt. I think honestly, out of all what I just said, because there's way more than all that, we could talk about this for hours. I think the biggest reason why I had to go through all what I did to get to where I'm at, and I think the reason how I was able to get to a positive spot with all of it was because I learned me. I learned who I was as a person. I... I understood what kind of value God gave me where I wasn't following the word of God back then. I believed in God. I went to Bible study as a kid. We never went to church a lot. Okay. I remember our Bible study was two doors down at the neighbor's house. And we would literally go on the front porch and the kids would get together and there'd be these little trophies. And I remember earning those trophies with a cross on them. And I thought I was the bomb because you would recite scriptures and different things. And, and I remember a paper. a paper poster board on the wall that had those, I don't know if you remember the gold stars and silver stars and red stars, and they would put stars on there for every achievement that you had. And I thought that was absolutely the bomb. And so, I believed in God. I was not following the word of God, and this is my own fault, okay? And so, becoming full circle, I think looking back now, going through the times of covering things up with drugs. going through the times of covering things up with alcohol, going through the times of covering up, you know, all the pain that I had with doing things that I should have never been doing, including getting arrested. I should have never, ever, ever been doing this stuff, but you're a young kid and you're making mistakes. And so I think I had to go through all of that because God doesn't do it to us, He does it for us. And if I look back and I look why it was happening for me, it literally was teaching me who I was as a person. And because every time like getting arrested, I'm like, That's not you, Dan. Why are you doing this? You see what I'm saying? Like, I'm questioning this stuff as I'm going through it. You know, I'm out drinking. And meanwhile, I watched my mom come home for day on day on and sit there and be puking in a toilet. And I thought that was normal, okay? I grew up thinking that was normal. And so next thing you know, what am I doing? I'm puking in a fricking toilet. What am I doing? I'm going and drinking. And listen, guys, listen, I'm gonna tell you the truth, okay? I used to drink to black out. And when I say that, that was your goal. You know, I thought that was normal, Matt. I honest to God thought blacking out was like the goal. And I don't know if it was my goal. I just thought that was normal. And that's a bad, bad recipe for destruction. Okay. And I grew up thinking because I watched my mom and I watched a lot of my... Just so we know, on my mom's side, there's a lot of alcoholic problems, okay? And there are many family members that died from alcoholism, like liver problems, all kinds of issues. And so, I grew up thinking that was all normal. And me deciphering what was normal and what wasn't, and I think that also had to do with getting around other people that didn't do that. watching other people that lived a different lifestyle, lived a different way and didn't, that's not, that was not their goals. Their goals were to impact something in the world or, or do something amazing or make more money or, you know, take their family somewhere or whatever. I had to get around these people and get around stuff like that to understand this is not who I want to be, you know? And this is the decision. This is an internal decision that you have to do the work internally. And most of the time you cannot do this alone. You need to have or like someone else that you believe in that's a coach to help you, a priest, a pastor, it doesn't matter. Someone need you, somebody you look up to that lives the life and the lifestyle that you want. You need to lean on them and you need to spill it out and be all in because that's another mistake. If you're not all in and you're hiding stuff and you're not telling everybody everything and you're just sitting there wanting to make yourself look good, You're not going to heal. You're not going to get the work done. And you're not going to go where you want to go. I'm telling you right now, I've done this. I understand how it works. And I'm telling you right now, you have to be all in. This goes for relationships. This goes for friendships. This goes for business partnerships. This goes for spiritual. It doesn't matter what it is. It covers the broad spectrum. Okay. And so, you know, I think it was me doing the work, Matt, over all the years. I think me going through the trenches of pain, just heartache and covering it up with garbage every single time just became a revolving door of just Satan was winning. Satan was winning. What was that point you mentioned in your 20s that you had this moment where it's like, okay, I'm getting drunk. I'm running after all these things. I'm doing the very things that I despised growing up. Like was it you just sitting down and saying, okay, if I continue down this path, I'm going to end up like this. What started to shift in your mindset to get you to really reckon with, okay, I don't want to do this. I don't want to be this way. Because a lot of people who've gone through trauma that you've articulated will stay there and will point the finger and be saying, hey, all these things happened to me. And you already mentioned these things didn't happen to you, they happened for you. And we say it with compassion, like it's horrible what people do to other people. We're not justifying that by saying, no, that horrible thing happened for you. It's like, no, that's not what we're saying. We're not justifying the bad things that happened to the person. But can you articulate for us, what is the moment where you say, okay, I'm not justifying them getting drunk or them doing X, Y, or Z, but there has to be a decision that you make where you say, okay, all of these horrible things around me are shaping me and making me into a different kind of person. Can you walk us through what was happening in your 20s when you're like, okay, something's gotta change? Yeah, and with that note, so everybody, yes, absolutely, it's a great question. These are great questions. Going through that process, I would watch the Joes around me. The, you know, the, the Johns, the, the people that were around me, I would watch even women, all of them, I would watch what was going on and, and I don't know that I was watching myself as much. I was watching what was happening and I would watch John go down that road. And next thing I know, I saw John got killed inside of a mall because he went and shot up a mall or something stupid. or, and these are all things that happen. Like everybody knows, like if you're older like me, you've been through the block enough to know that you've heard stories about people from high school. Everybody that you thought was gonna be amazing. And some of them turned out to be the most low lives of the earth. And some of them turned out to be some of the most biggest winners. And so I would watch this process of what was going on around me. And over the years I was seeing that So and so, this one went and bought a motorcycle and next thing you know, this one's out stealing something and this one's out drinking while he's on a motorcycle and that one ended up dead, or this one ended up in jail by doing something stupid for a long period of time, or this one ended up on an overdose or whatever it was. I was seeing these things that were around me and everybody thinks it's not gonna happen to you, right? You always think it's not gonna happen to you. And DUIs and all these different things that were happening and they're all... me to say this to you right now. If you're doing any of that stuff, it will catch up to you. You are not going to go your whole life and you're going to get by. It is not going to happen. I'm just letting you know right now, it is not going to happen. And you're not going to be successful even on the flip side. You're not going to keep doing these things. And then all of a sudden you find yourself on the top of a mountain saying, look at all this awesome stuff I've got. Yeah. Because you know what? Sugar, sugar. One of the most addicting things on the planet. Right? More than more, more addicting than cocaine. Okay. Cocaine. Then you get to people who smoke weed. Okay. Whatever you can, you could, however you want. Then you got alcohol. I think honestly alcohol is worse than weed. My opinion, you know, you got alcohol, which is alcohol and it's legal. Now weed's legal. Now all these things, it's all these things that are happening. But the thing is, you're right. To be successful, if there's anything that is skewing the best part of you, that's not making you a better person, it is literally letting Satan win because it's the devil. It's all the devil. And I had to learn this, unfortunately, the hard way. The good thing is, is I did learn, okay? The good thing is, is that I'm sitting here at 50 years old and I'm stronger and more powerful and more influential in a positive way than I've ever been in my life. And so back to the, how did I get there? It was going through that process of watching these people all along, learning from their mistakes, seeing what path I really wanted and saying to myself, this is not where I wanted to go. I, and you know what, and here's a great, here's a great example. Yeah. I'm trying to remember the age I was. I probably was. I was probably 27, 28 years old. And I remember walking in, so-and-so picked me up and we went over to a house where they were partying. And I remember walking into this house. Now this is, listen guys, this is right before I'm turning 30 years old. This is like 27, 28 years old, okay? I have kids that are 25, okay? So I'm going to this house and I remember saying, oh, they say, oh, we're gonna go to this house, we're gonna party, okay. Now here's the problem. It's a weekday. Let's just do the math here. It's a weekday. It's two o'clock in the afternoon on a weekday. And I'm going to a house to party? Really? Now that's my fault, okay? I get in this car, I go to this house, we walk in the front door, and I'm gonna paint a picture. It's dark, windows are blacked out with sheets, and there are people There are people all over the house. And when I walked in, I'm standing at the front door with the front door closed. I'm looking in, and I'm watching all what's going around in this room. And I saw someone. This is brutal, OK? But I'm going to tell you, because this is reality of how bad it can get real fast. I saw someone with an insulin needle stick something in their arm. I have no idea to this day what it was. I have no idea. I don't even care, OK? I've never done any of that so we're clear. Okay. So here's what's crazy. I saw that someone else is on a bong. Someone else is on this, that whatever. I literally took me not even 30 seconds to look at all of this. And I said to myself, Dan internally, is this what you really want? I literally did this. I want you guys to know, this is not a lie. This is a hundred percent how I, I literally looked around the room and I'm like, is this what I want to myself? And as soon as I said that to myself, I did an about face and walked out the front door and I said, this is ridiculous, this is freaking, I'm not hanging around none of these people anymore. Okay, I started changing so many different things and that was my like big epiphany moment of where my escalation of all my bull crap got me into people that would bring me around situations like that before you know it. I'm being walked into a home and now you're what? The average person is probably gonna sit there and partake in the bull crap going on in that room. I'm not doing that. I'm the heck out of here, right? And so that's really how I think I've gotten to the point of where I'm at and wanting change, Matt, wanting to be better, you know? And now I know I can look back at this and I can say to myself, I was carrying the pain burden, always trying to... completely just cover it up to get rid of how I was internally feeling with something. It didn't matter if it was, it wasn't drugs or alcohol. It could be something that could be adrenaline based. It could be, you know, something that was fun, whatever it was, it got my mind off of it, right? And so, which you could use all the things that you're going through, you can use all good things for to replace the bad things. Okay. And I've learned that. And so, That's, I think how I got into honing in that, you know what? I am not this guy and the bigger moment of it all...
Thank you for listening! If you want to find out more about Matt and how you can get coached toward your better self, visit www.matthewwireman.com and check out his Instagram account @matt.wireman
Canada - english