Thanks For Asking

As long as people have been grieving, we have found a way to memorialize our dead people. We grievers keep voicemails, photos, letters, clothes – whatever we can to remember our people. With the rise of AI, it’s no wonder companies desperate to increase their shareholder value have turned to us, the grievers. But it’s not our money they want (or at least, not JUST our money) – it’s our dead people. Their voices, their words, their likeness. They want to reanimate our people, just without their bodies and souls. 

A few months ago, I read an incredible article in The Atlantic, titled The AI Companies Trying To Make Grief Obsolete. I knew it was something I NEEDED to talk about, and it just so happened that the author, Charley, was willing to talk to me and share the story of her big brother, Ben, who passed unexpectedly in 2014. 

Grief is not a problem to be solved. It is a part of life. A part that we need.

Read more about AI deadbots here or here. My 2016 piece in Slate is here.

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On today’s episode, we hear from Cora Danielson, a comic who has been wrestling with something many women do – her inability to have children despite wanting them very, very much. Her outlet? Improv comedy and the community that came with it, offering her people she could always confide in. Now, two of the women in her group are pregnant and it’s messing with Cora’s head. Her friends haven’t told her they’re pregnant because they don’t want to hurt her feelings, so she heard it from someone else. She feels, overwhelmingly, like they pity her. Today, Nora’s talking to Cora and answering the question many of us have held quietly in our hearts, “How do you deal with being the object of pity?”

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Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/TFA for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Quince.com/TFA to get free shipping and 365-day returns. ⁠Quince.com/TFA⁠

Shop my favorite bras and underwear at ⁠SKIMS.com⁠. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA. That’s 15% off at ⁠MASTERCLASS.com/TFA.⁠

With evening and weekend course options, Fordham’s online MSW lets you keep working while earning your degree, completing the program in as few as 16 months. Learn more and apply at ⁠fordham.edu/TTFA.
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We would never tell you that everything is going to be OK, but we will tell you that something will be. Today, Nora and guest Elise Loehnen share the things that make them feel like the world isn’t crumbling down around them.

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Elise’s lipstick

LInk to Heads Carolina, Tails California on Spotify and Apple

Check out Elise’s book!

Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/TFA for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Quince.com/TFA to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com/TFA

Shop my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA. That’s 15% off at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA.

With evening and weekend course options, Fordham’s online MSW lets you keep working while earning your degree, completing the program in as few as 16 months. Learn more and apply at fordham.edu/TFA.
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What would you say to your dead person? We’re listening in on the Wind Phone. 

You can find a wind phone near you ⁠here⁠, or call us to leave your message for a future episode: 612.568.4441

⁠Watch us on YouTube here⁠!

Get this episode ad-free here!

Listen to Geoffrey’s album on ⁠Spotify⁠ and ⁠Apple⁠!

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Right now, go to ⁠Quince.com/TFA⁠ for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will. Now available in Canada, too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Quince.com/TFA for free shipping and 365-day returns. ⁠Quince.com/TFA⁠

Shop my favorite bras and underwear at ⁠SKIMS.com⁠. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA. That’s 15% off at ⁠MASTERCLASS.com/TFA

With evening and weekend course options, Fordham’s online MSW lets you keep working while earning your degree, completing the program in as few as 16 months. Learn more and apply at ⁠fordham.edu/TTFA.

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If you lose a spouse, you’re a widow. If you lose your parents, an orphan. But we don’t have the language for someone who lost a sibling – your first friend, your first ally, your first enemy (probably, at least temporarily). Grief always feels like a gut punch, but losing a sibling is a unique kind of pain that we don’t talk about enough. 

So today, I’m joined by Steph Wittels Wachs, former TTFA guest and sister of comedy legend Harris Wittels, who died in 2015 of an accidental overdose. We're talking about what losing a sibling means and sharing the notes, advice and insights from people who know what it’s like to live in the world without their siblings.

Cited in this episode:

Rogne, S., Grotta, A., Liu, C., Berg, L., Saarela, J., Kawachi, I., Hiyoshi, A., & Rostila, M. (2025). All-cause mortality around the anniversary of a sibling’s death: findings from Swedish National Register Data. AMERICAN JOURNAL OF EPIDEMIOLOGY. https://doi.org/10.1093/aje/kwaf213 

Tatjana Gazibara, Katherine A Ornstein, Christina Gillezeau, Melissa Aldridge, Mogens Groenvold, Merete Nordentoft, Lau Caspar Thygesen, Bereavement Among Adult Siblings: An Examination of Health Services Utilization and Mental Health Outcomes, American Journal of Epidemiology, Volume 190, Issue 12, December 2021, Pages 2571–2581, https://doi.org/10.1093/aje/kwab212 

Davidson, D. (2018). Sibling loss - disenfranchised grief and forgotten mourners. Bereavement Care, 37(3), 124–130. https://doi.org/10.1080/02682621.2018.1535882  

Herberman Mash, H. B., Fullerton, C. S., & Ursano, R. J. (2013). Complicated Grief and Bereavement in Young Adults Following Close Friend and Sibling Loss. Depression & Anxiety (1091-4269), 30(12), 1202–1210. https://doi.org/10.1002/da.22068    

Watch us on YouTube here!

Get this episode ad-free here!

Listen to Geoffrey’s album on Spotify and Apple!

LINKS TO RELATED EPISODES!


https://feelingsand.co/podcasts/terrible-thanks-for-asking/86-sundays/ 


https://feelingsand.co/podcasts/terrible-thanks-for-asking/what-does-all-this-loss-mean/ 


Don’t you want someone to take care of you? 

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Right now, go to Quince.com/TFA for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it. And you will. Now available in Canada, too. Don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to Quince.com/TFA for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com/TFA

Shop my favorite bras and underwear at SKIMS.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you! Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

Right now, our listeners get an additional 15% off any annual membership at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA. That’s 15% off at MASTERCLASS.com/TFA.

With evening and weekend course options, Fordham’s online MSW lets you keep working while earning your degree, completing the program in as few as 16 months. Learn more and apply at fordham.edu/TTFA.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices