The Pursuit of Happywell

What if your morning iced coffee, non-stop productivity, or daily scroll sessions were less about comfort and more about quiet compulsion? In this thought-provoking episode, Kristen and Scott Boss dive into the sneaky world of socially acceptable addictions—the habits we justify, celebrate, and even admire… but may be slowly sabotaging us.
They unpack how culture often applauds behaviors like workaholism, exercise obsession, caffeine dependence, people-pleasing, and overcommitting—all while ignoring their deeper roots in stress, avoidance, and unmet emotional needs.
This episode isn’t about shame—it’s about self-awareness. Tune in for practical questions to reflect on your own habits, real talk about coping vs. thriving, and gentle reframes to help you build a life that nourishes rather than numbs.
What You'll Learn:
How to tell the difference between nourishing routines and numbing rituals
The concept of emotional sobriety and how to practice it
Why the “dose makes the poison” in socially praised behaviors
How to shift from compulsive habits to identity-based choices
The importance of pausing and getting curious without judgment

Your Happywell Homework:
Pick one “harmless” habit this week. Pause it for a day or two. Notice what comes up. Reflect with curiosity, not criticism.
Links & Mentions:
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Addiction and Grace by Gerald May
Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke

Loved the episode? Tag us on social (@pursuitofhappywell)and share your favorite aha moment!
Subscribe so you never miss an episode of The Pursuit of Happywell.
Take the Free Quiz:
Discover your unique stress response and how it may be holding you back here: sonderalife.com/podquiz
Timestamps:
0:00 – Intro: Is your iced coffee a quiet compulsion?
1:55 – Exploring stress types and why we seek comfort
5:16 – What makes an addiction "socially acceptable"?
8:09 – Workaholism: Hustle culture disguised as dedication
10:04 – Exercise obsession: Discipline or dopamine?
11:17 – Caffeine dependence: When stimulation masks exhaustion
13:32 – Doomscrolling & digital compulsions
14:58 – People-pleasing and the addiction to approval
15:15 – Overcommitting: Running from stillness
18:44 – The emotional cost of avoidant habits
21:25 – Emotional sobriety: Feeling without fleeing
22:41 – The dopamine loop: Why quick fixes leave us empty
24:56 – Self-justification and the “moral license” fallacy
28:24 – Burnout, dissociation, and long-term impact
31:16 – 5 questions to reflect on your habits
35:33 – Reaction-based vs. identity-based habits
39:00 – The power of pausing and self-awareness
41:52 – Happywell Homework: A gentle curiosity practice
45:00 – You are allowed to change your rhythm

We also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at

Episode Summary:
What if it’s not failure you’re afraid of—but success? In this deep-dive episode, Scott and Kristen unpack one of the most overlooked mindset blocks: the fear of success. Whether it’s the pressure to maintain, fear of visibility, or anxiety around losing relationships, success can stir up just as much fear as failure—and sometimes more.
Drawing from personal stories, coaching experiences, and the latest psychology research (including insights from the Harvard Grant Study), Scott and Kristen break down the subconscious behaviors that show up when success feels unsafe. Think procrastination, underdelivering, quitting early, or constantly shifting goals. Sound familiar?
You’ll learn:
The three hidden fears behind fear of success
How to recognize if you’re self-sabotaging
Why your stress response matters—and what to do about it
Tools to create internal safety and finish what you start

Plus, get a peek into Kristen’s emotional journey from hairstylist to online educator—and the identity shifts that came with it.
Take the Free Quiz:
Discover your unique stress response and how it may be holding you back here: sonderalife.com/podquiz
Timestamps:
0:00 - What if everything you’ve been told about happiness is wrong?
1:42 - Introducing the fear of success
4:26 - Why success can feel destabilizing
8:47 - Loss aversion and identity shifts
13:35 - Three hidden fears behind fear of success
18:33 - Subconscious behaviors and stress responses
27:20 - Under-delivering to protect your ego
32:31 - Signs you might fear finishing
39:36 - Happywell Homework: How to move forward
We also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at LiveHappywell.com

Do you break out in hives at the thought of setting a boundary? You’re not alone—and this week’s episode of The Pursuit of Happywell is a must-listen. Scott and Kristen dive deep into the emotional minefield of boundary-setting and reframe it as an act of kindness, connection, and self-respect—not cruelty.
Building on last week’s episode on conflict resolution, this conversation explores:
Why so many people fear setting boundaries
How people-pleasing, identity, and fear of rejection keep us stuck
The difference between reactive boundaries vs. compassionate clarity
Real-life examples in marriage, parenting, work, and friendships
How to communicate boundaries without controlling or withdrawing
The pivotal role of self-boundaries in preventing burnout and building trust

With personal stories, powerful analogies (like dogs testing invisible fences), and practical takeaways, this episode is both soul-nourishing and eye-opening. If you're ready to stop abandoning yourself for the sake of “keeping the peace,” this one’s for you.
Key Takeaways:
Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re gates with keys you offer out of love and clarity.
A healthy boundary is one that helps you stay your most whole, functional self.
You can’t set boundaries with others if you constantly violate your own.
Healthy people respect your boundaries; people who benefited from your lack of them will test them.
Boundaries evolve with seasons—evaluate and adjust with intention, not guilt.

If this episode resonated with you, don’t keep it to yourself! Share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit that subscribe button. Have a boundary breakthrough? Comment on YouTube or tag @thehappywell on social media and tell us about it.
And take the free Stress Type Quiz to discover your go-to stress response and learn how to manage it better. sonderalife.com/podquiz
We also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at LiveHappywell.com
Timestamps:
00:00 – Intro: Why boundaries feel so hard
02:00 – What a boundary really is (not a wall!)
05:30 – People-pleasing and fear of being unloved
08:30 – The identity crisis that comes with becoming a boundaried person
11:00 – Healthy vs. reactive boundaries
14:00 – How we sabotage our own boundaries
18:00 – Compassionate clarity: the new lens for setting limits
27:00 – Real-life scenarios: family, work, marriage, kids
45:00 – Boundaries with yourself: the game-changer
50:00 – Happywell Homework: Your boundary reset

Guest/Host Info:
Hosted by Kristen and Scott Boss, founders of The Happywell Podcast, this power duo brings both personal insight and practical wisdom to the table, blending emotional health, neuroscience, and relational wellness for a more grounded life.

The 3 Words That Can Diffuse Almost Any Argument
Episode Overview:
What if three simple words could change the entire trajectory of a conflict? In this powerful and vulnerable episode, Scott and Kristen Boss unpack the surprising phrase that has the potential to de-escalate tension, regulate your nervous system, and build stronger connections — whether you're in a romantic relationship, navigating friendships, or managing tough conversations at work.
Drawing from personal experience and psychological insight, they explore why conflict escalates, how our stress responses shape our reactions, and what it takes to “fight clean.” Whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn, this conversation will help you recognize your own patterns and give you practical tools to stay connected — even in the messiest moments.
What You'll Learn:
Why “Help me understand” is the ultimate de-escalation phrase
The 4 types of stress responses in conflict: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn
How childhood and family dynamics shape your conflict style
What “fighting clean” really looks like in a healthy relationship
The science behind emotional regulation and effective communication
How to use curiosity to stay connected and create space for repair

Real-Life Moments & Relatable Humor:
Expect heartfelt storytelling, moments of laughter (yes, including “spirit fingers”), and honest reflections from Scott and Kristen’s marriage and parenting experiences. You’ll walk away with a new lens on conflict and feel equipped with language that fosters deeper understanding.
Happy Well Homework:
Reflect on a recent conflict — what was your stress response?
In your next tough moment, take a breath and ask: “Help me understand.”
Practice using the phrase in everyday conversations to build your curiosity muscle.

Resources Mentioned:
Take the free Stress Type Quiz to discover your go-to stress response and learn how to manage it better. sonderalife.com/podquiz

We also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at LiveHappywell.com
Timestamps:
00:00 – Intro
A teaser that hints at the power of three simple words to change conflict dynamics.
00:33 – Welcome Back
Kristen and Scott set the tone for the episode, with their signature humor and relatability.
01:07 – Why This Conversation Matters
Acknowledging the discomfort many feel around conflict and why this episode can help.
02:07 – The 3 Words That Can Diffuse Conflict
Hinting at the phrase and setting up the deeper conversation.
03:04 – Conflict Styles: Let’s Talk Marriage
Sharing personal dynamics and funny “boxing ring” moments in their relationship.
04:12 – How Childhood Shapes Conflict Views
Exploring how witnessing (or not witnessing) parental conflict influences adult behavior.
06:59 – Conflict Without Resolution = Loneliness
Why shielding children from conflict may unintentionally create shame or disconnection.
08:25 – Why Conflict Escalates So Quickly
The difference between seeing conflict as a battleground vs. a...

Episode Summary:
Ever find yourself asking, "Why am I like this?"—especially when old habits creep in, despite your best efforts to change? This episode dives into the hidden patterns driving your behavior, especially in moments of stress.
In this lively and relatable conversation, the hosts break down the four core nervous system stress responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—and how they manifest in everyday life, from procrastination and perfectionism to people-pleasing and overworking. You’ll learn how these instinctive reactions influence everything from your personal goals to your relationships and leadership at work.
This isn’t about fixing who you are—it’s about understanding how you respond to stress so you can pause, regulate, and make more aligned choices. The hosts also introduce a powerful new tool: the free APT (Adaptive Personality Type) quiz to help you identify your stress response and learn practical, personalized tools to regulate it.
What You'll Learn:
Why common behaviors like procrastination or overcommitting are actually stress responses
The difference between reacting and responding to stress—and why that matters
How stress patterns show up in business, relationships, parenting, and personal growth
The four main stress responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and their deeper subtypes
How awareness of your "adaptive type" can transform your habits and relationships
Why emotional resilience might just be the key to a truly successful life

Key Takeaways:
You’re not broken—your patterns are protective responses wired for safety.
Each stress type requires different tools; growth isn’t one-size-fits-all.
The pause between a trigger and your reaction is where real change begins.
Emotional regulation is one of the most underrated skills for personal and professional success.

Resources & Links:
Take the Free APT Quiz: sonderalife.com
Join the Podcast Facebook Community here.
Learn more about Sondera Coaching and Tools: sonderalife.com

00:00 – Cold Open: Why do I keep doing things I don’t want to do? The relatable start to the episode.
00:27 – Welcome & Vibes: The hosts set the tone for a “short, sweet, and punchy” episode—and yes, Oreos and treadmills are back again.
01:30 – Personal Habits We Can't Break: Real-life confessions about staying up too late and tinkering with tasks—what avoidance really looks like.
03:00 – The Real Topic: Understanding why we repeat patterns that don’t serve us—and how short-term relief keeps us stuck long-term.
04:45 – When Plans Meet Reality: How stress derails habit-building and why our big goals often collapse under pressure.
05:45 – The Frustrated Question: Why we should shift from “Why am I like this?” to curious self-inquiry.
06:30 – What Is a Stress Response? Redefining stress—not just deadlines, but anything that feels like strain on the nervous system.
08:00 – The Four Stress Types Overview: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—what they look like and why your body reacts this...