The Pursuit of Happywell

• Ep. 16 Socially Acceptable Addictions: How “Good” Habits Can Secretly Harm You

  What if your morning iced coffee, non-stop productivity, or daily scroll sessions were less about comfort and more about quiet compulsion? In this thought-provoking episode, Kristen and Scott Boss dive into the sneaky world of socially acceptable addictions—the habits we justify, celebrate, and even admire… but may be slowly sabotaging us.They unpack how culture often applauds behaviors like workaholism, exercise obsession, caffeine dependence, people-pleasing, and overcommitting—all while ignoring their deeper roots in stress, avoidance, and unmet emotional needs.This episode isn’t about shame—it’s about self-awareness. Tune in for practical questions to reflect on your own habits, real talk about coping vs. thriving, and gentle reframes to help you build a life that nourishes rather than numbs.What You'll Learn:How to tell the difference between nourishing routines and numbing ritualsThe concept of emotional sobriety and how to practice itWhy the “dose makes the poison” in socially praised behaviorsHow to shift from compulsive habits to identity-based choicesThe importance of pausing and getting curious without judgmentYour Happywell Homework:Pick one “harmless” habit this week. Pause it for a day or two. Notice what comes up. Reflect with curiosity, not criticism.Links & Mentions:Atomic Habits by James ClearAddiction and Grace by Gerald MayDopamine Nation by Dr. Anna LembkeLoved the episode? Tag us on social (@pursuitofhappywell)and share your favorite aha moment!Subscribe so you never miss an episode of The Pursuit of Happywell.Take the Free Quiz:Discover your unique stress response and how it may be holding you back here: sonderalife.com/podquiz Timestamps:0:00 – Intro: Is your iced coffee a quiet compulsion?1:55 – Exploring stress types and why we seek comfort5:16 – What makes an addiction "socially acceptable"?8:09 – Workaholism: Hustle culture disguised as dedication10:04 – Exercise obsession: Discipline or dopamine?11:17 – Caffeine dependence: When stimulation masks exhaustion13:32 – Doomscrolling & digital compulsions14:58 – People-pleasing and the addiction to approval15:15 – Overcommitting: Running from stillness18:44 – The emotional cost of avoidant habits21:25 – Emotional sobriety: Feeling without fleeing22:41 – The dopamine loop: Why quick fixes leave us empty24:56 – Self-justification and the “moral license” fallacy28:24 – Burnout, dissociation, and long-term impact31:16 – 5 questions to reflect on your habits35:33 – Reaction-based vs. identity-based habits39:00 – The power of pausing and self-awareness41:52 – Happywell Homework: A gentle curiosity practice45:00 – You are allowed to change your rhythmWe also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at

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• Ep. 15 Why Success Scares Us More Than Failure

  Episode Summary:What if it’s not failure you’re afraid of—but success? In this deep-dive episode, Scott and Kristen unpack one of the most overlooked mindset blocks: the fear of success. Whether it’s the pressure to maintain, fear of visibility, or anxiety around losing relationships, success can stir up just as much fear as failure—and sometimes more.Drawing from personal stories, coaching experiences, and the latest psychology research (including insights from the Harvard Grant Study), Scott and Kristen break down the subconscious behaviors that show up when success feels unsafe. Think procrastination, underdelivering, quitting early, or constantly shifting goals. Sound familiar?You’ll learn:The three hidden fears behind fear of successHow to recognize if you’re self-sabotagingWhy your stress response matters—and what to do about itTools to create internal safety and finish what you startPlus, get a peek into Kristen’s emotional journey from hairstylist to online educator—and the identity shifts that came with it.Take the Free Quiz:Discover your unique stress response and how it may be holding you back here: sonderalife.com/podquiz Timestamps:0:00 - What if everything you’ve been told about happiness is wrong?1:42 - Introducing the fear of success4:26 - Why success can feel destabilizing8:47 - Loss aversion and identity shifts13:35 - Three hidden fears behind fear of success18:33 - Subconscious behaviors and stress responses27:20 - Under-delivering to protect your ego32:31 - Signs you might fear finishing39:36 - Happywell Homework: How to move forwardWe also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at LiveHappywell.com

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• Ep. 14 Compassionate Boundaries: How to Set Limits Without Guilt

  Do you break out in hives at the thought of setting a boundary? You’re not alone—and this week’s episode of The Pursuit of Happywell is a must-listen. Scott and Kristen dive deep into the emotional minefield of boundary-setting and reframe it as an act of kindness, connection, and self-respect—not cruelty.Building on last week’s episode on conflict resolution, this conversation explores:Why so many people fear setting boundariesHow people-pleasing, identity, and fear of rejection keep us stuckThe difference between reactive boundaries vs. compassionate clarityReal-life examples in marriage, parenting, work, and friendshipsHow to communicate boundaries without controlling or withdrawingThe pivotal role of self-boundaries in preventing burnout and building trustWith personal stories, powerful analogies (like dogs testing invisible fences), and practical takeaways, this episode is both soul-nourishing and eye-opening. If you're ready to stop abandoning yourself for the sake of “keeping the peace,” this one’s for you.Key Takeaways:Boundaries aren’t barriers—they’re gates with keys you offer out of love and clarity.A healthy boundary is one that helps you stay your most whole, functional self.You can’t set boundaries with others if you constantly violate your own.Healthy people respect your boundaries; people who benefited from your lack of them will test them.Boundaries evolve with seasons—evaluate and adjust with intention, not guilt.If this episode resonated with you, don’t keep it to yourself! Share it with a friend, leave a review, and hit that subscribe button. Have a boundary breakthrough? Comment on YouTube or tag @thehappywell on social media and tell us about it.And take the free Stress Type Quiz to discover your go-to stress response and learn how to manage it better. sonderalife.com/podquizWe also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at LiveHappywell.comTimestamps:00:00 – Intro: Why boundaries feel so hard02:00 – What a boundary really is (not a wall!)05:30 – People-pleasing and fear of being unloved08:30 – The identity crisis that comes with becoming a boundaried person11:00 – Healthy vs. reactive boundaries14:00 – How we sabotage our own boundaries18:00 – Compassionate clarity: the new lens for setting limits27:00 – Real-life scenarios: family, work, marriage, kids45:00 – Boundaries with yourself: the game-changer50:00 – Happywell Homework: Your boundary resetGuest/Host Info:Hosted by Kristen and Scott Boss, founders of The Happywell Podcast, this power duo brings both personal insight and practical wisdom to the table, blending emotional health, neuroscience, and relational wellness for a more grounded life.

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• Ep. 13 The 3 Words That Can Diffuse Almost Any Argument

  The 3 Words That Can Diffuse Almost Any ArgumentEpisode Overview:What if three simple words could change the entire trajectory of a conflict? In this powerful and vulnerable episode, Scott and Kristen Boss unpack the surprising phrase that has the potential to de-escalate tension, regulate your nervous system, and build stronger connections — whether you're in a romantic relationship, navigating friendships, or managing tough conversations at work.Drawing from personal experience and psychological insight, they explore why conflict escalates, how our stress responses shape our reactions, and what it takes to “fight clean.” Whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn, this conversation will help you recognize your own patterns and give you practical tools to stay connected — even in the messiest moments.What You'll Learn:Why “Help me understand” is the ultimate de-escalation phraseThe 4 types of stress responses in conflict: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and FawnHow childhood and family dynamics shape your conflict styleWhat “fighting clean” really looks like in a healthy relationshipThe science behind emotional regulation and effective communicationHow to use curiosity to stay connected and create space for repairReal-Life Moments & Relatable Humor:Expect heartfelt storytelling, moments of laughter (yes, including “spirit fingers”), and honest reflections from Scott and Kristen’s marriage and parenting experiences. You’ll walk away with a new lens on conflict and feel equipped with language that fosters deeper understanding.Happy Well Homework:Reflect on a recent conflict — what was your stress response?In your next tough moment, take a breath and ask: “Help me understand.”Practice using the phrase in everyday conversations to build your curiosity muscle.Resources Mentioned:Take the free Stress Type Quiz to discover your go-to stress response and learn how to manage it better. sonderalife.com/podquizWe also have an active community for listeners of The Pursuit of Happywell. Join our community on facebook: The Pursuit of Happywell Community or find the website at LiveHappywell.comTimestamps:00:00 – Intro A teaser that hints at the power of three simple words to change conflict dynamics.00:33 – Welcome Back Kristen and Scott set the tone for the episode, with their signature humor and relatability.01:07 – Why This Conversation Matters Acknowledging the discomfort many feel around conflict and why this episode can help.02:07 – The 3 Words That Can Diffuse Conflict Hinting at the phrase and setting up the deeper conversation.03:04 – Conflict Styles: Let’s Talk Marriage Sharing personal dynamics and funny “boxing ring” moments in their relationship.04:12 – How Childhood Shapes Conflict Views Exploring how witnessing (or not witnessing) parental conflict influences adult behavior.06:59 – Conflict Without Resolution = Loneliness Why shielding children from conflict may unintentionally create shame or disconnection.08:25 – Why Conflict Escalates So Quickly The difference between seeing conflict as a battleground vs. a...

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• Ep. 12 “Why Am I Like This?” — Understanding Your Hidden Stress Response

  Episode Summary:Ever find yourself asking, "Why am I like this?"—especially when old habits creep in, despite your best efforts to change? This episode dives into the hidden patterns driving your behavior, especially in moments of stress.In this lively and relatable conversation, the hosts break down the four core nervous system stress responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—and how they manifest in everyday life, from procrastination and perfectionism to people-pleasing and overworking. You’ll learn how these instinctive reactions influence everything from your personal goals to your relationships and leadership at work.This isn’t about fixing who you are—it’s about understanding how you respond to stress so you can pause, regulate, and make more aligned choices. The hosts also introduce a powerful new tool: the free APT (Adaptive Personality Type) quiz to help you identify your stress response and learn practical, personalized tools to regulate it.What You'll Learn:Why common behaviors like procrastination or overcommitting are actually stress responsesThe difference between reacting and responding to stress—and why that mattersHow stress patterns show up in business, relationships, parenting, and personal growthThe four main stress responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) and their deeper subtypesHow awareness of your "adaptive type" can transform your habits and relationshipsWhy emotional resilience might just be the key to a truly successful lifeKey Takeaways:You’re not broken—your patterns are protective responses wired for safety.Each stress type requires different tools; growth isn’t one-size-fits-all.The pause between a trigger and your reaction is where real change begins.Emotional regulation is one of the most underrated skills for personal and professional success.Resources & Links:Take the Free APT Quiz: sonderalife.comJoin the Podcast Facebook Community here. Learn more about Sondera Coaching and Tools: sonderalife.com00:00 – Cold Open: Why do I keep doing things I don’t want to do? The relatable start to the episode.00:27 – Welcome & Vibes: The hosts set the tone for a “short, sweet, and punchy” episode—and yes, Oreos and treadmills are back again.01:30 – Personal Habits We Can't Break: Real-life confessions about staying up too late and tinkering with tasks—what avoidance really looks like.03:00 – The Real Topic: Understanding why we repeat patterns that don’t serve us—and how short-term relief keeps us stuck long-term.04:45 – When Plans Meet Reality: How stress derails habit-building and why our big goals often collapse under pressure.05:45 – The Frustrated Question: Why we should shift from “Why am I like this?” to curious self-inquiry.06:30 – What Is a Stress Response? Redefining stress—not just deadlines, but anything that feels like strain on the nervous system.08:00 – The Four Stress Types Overview: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn—what they look like and why your body reacts this...

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