Interview with Dr. Jordan Quaglia: The Science of We-Care beyond Self-Care
Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)Do we always have to choose between caring for ourselves vs. caring for others? Nope! Dr. Jordan Quaglia, associate professor at Naropa University, introduces us to "We-Care" – a revolutionary approach to caring that blends self-care and caring for others into an integrated practice where they mutually reinforce each other.Drawing from over a decade of research in mindfulness, compassion, and boundaries, Dr. Quaglia explains how self-care has evolved from a medical term to today's ubiquitous wellness practice, but suggests we're now ready for something more interconnected. The conversation delves into "care blind spots" – patterns in how we approach care that remain invisible to us. Some people habitually prioritize others at their own expense, while others may emphasize self-care to the point of undermining their social connections. When discussing boundaries, Dr. Quaglia challenges conventional wisdom. Rather than seeing boundaries merely as expressions of self-care, he reframes them as actions that modify social situations to better align with our needs, values, and goals – while remaining awake to how our boundaries affect others. Healthy boundaries, when rooted in We-Care, balance both protection and connection.At the end of the conversation, Dr. Quaglia leads us through a "reverse self-compassion" practice that embodies We-Care principles, showing us what Dr. Qualia calls an "undivided heart" – the capacity to hold both self-care and care for others simultaneously.***If you have a loved one with mental illness and struggle to set boundaries, take care of yourself AND them at the same time, book a call with Dr. Kibby to learn how the KulaMind program can help. Resources:Check out Dr. Quaglia's new book hot off the presses: "From Self-Care to WeCare: The New Science of Mindful Boundaries and Caring from an Undivided Heart"Dr. Quaglia's IG @mindfulboundariesSupport the showIf you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested. Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive. For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends
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1:11:59
Triangulation: How Loved Ones Get Stuck in Toxic Relationship Dynamics
Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)Have you ever noticed a never-ending cycle of drama amongst your family or friend group? In this episode, we talk about how the Drama Triangle might be the hidden pattern keeping your relationships stuck in painful cycles. Whether you're supporting a loved one with mental illness or navigating difficult family dynamics, this pattern will keep you trapped in the pain instead of solving it.Stephen Karpman's Drama Triangle describes three roles that create and sustain relationship dysfunction: the Victim (feeling helpless and powerless), the Persecutor (critical and blaming), and the Rescuer (rushing to fix problems). What makes this pattern so challenging is how people shift between these roles, maintaining the pain while never actually resolving underlying issues.We identify places where we can spot the drama triangle in our own lives—from childhood experiences with divorced parents to adult relationships—showing how these patterns created confusion and heartache. These triangles often form because we're desperately trying to maintain stability, even when that stability is painful.The good news is that understanding these patterns gives you the power to break free. We explore practical ways to step outside your habitual role and ultimately break down the triangle entirely. Rather than seeing these behaviors as character flaws, we frame them as adaptations that once served a purpose but may now be limiting your growth and happiness.This conversation highlights how recognizing these patterns can help you create more authentic connections with loved ones struggling with mental health challenges. Check out KulaMind.com to learn more about our online platform designed to help you break toxic patterns and find peace while supporting someone with mental illness.Resources:https://karpmandramatriangle.com/dt_article_only.htmlSupport the showIf you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested. Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive. For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends
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58:16
Interview with Paula Croxson: An Insider Look into Polyamory
Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)What if we've been thinking about love all wrong? What if the idea that we must choose just one person to love deeply is simply a cultural construct rather than an inherent truth about human relationships? In this episode, we discuss with Paula Croxson, our friend and practicing polyamorist how we can challenge foundational assumptions about romantic love and connection. This discussion was inspired by reactions from our previous episodes on ethical non-monogamy as a lot of you Little Helpers were curious to hear more about how this actually works in real life. Paula shares her three-year journey into polyamory after spending most of her life in monogamous relationships, offering a thoughtful perspective on what it means to love multiple people simultaneously. We explore how polyamory creates space for radical honesty and communication unlike anything our guest had experienced in monogamous relationships. These conversations about boundaries, needs, and expectations aren't just helpful for polyamorous arrangements – they're valuable tools for any relationship. The polyamorous community's emphasis on transparency creates opportunities to discuss topics that might remain unaddressed in traditional partnerships.The discussion delves into complex emotional territory – examining jealousy not as something to eliminate but as information that helps identify unmet needs. We contrast this with compersion, the experience of finding joy in your partner's happiness with others. Our guest shares practical insights about navigating multiple partnerships, including scheduling challenges, communication practices, and managing new relationship energy while honoring established connections. Polyamory allows people to design relationships based on their authentic desires rather than societal expectations – creating connections that can be deeply meaningful without following conventional scripts.This interesting conversation makes us consider what aspects of polyamorous communication and boundary-setting might benefit any type of relationship – monogamous or not.Resources:Hardy, J. W., & Easton, D. (2017). The ethical slut: A practical guide to polyamory, open relationships, and other freSupport the showIf you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested. Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive. For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends
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1:10:47
Interview with Madison Errichiello: Love is Blind, Loss, and Healing through Trauma
Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)Madison Errichiello steps out of the "Love is Blind" pods and into a raw, illuminating conversation about healing from trauma and finding strength in vulnerability. Known for her openness about mental health on the show, Madison joins us to reveal the deeper layers behind what viewers saw – and how reality TV editing shaped public perception of her journey."I don't wear this trauma as a coat," Madison explains, addressing misconceptions about her willingness to discuss her difficult past. Growing up between two drastically different households, Madison developed resilience alongside complex relationship patterns. She candidly explores how these experiences shaped her attachment style and the fear of being "too much" for partners.The conversation moves beyond labels as Madison unpacks what it means to be "avoidant" in relationships while actively working toward security. Through her experiences with sudden loss and grief, Madison offers powerful insights into why certain boundaries – like asking loved ones to text when they arrive safely – stem from a place of care rather than control.Perhaps most striking is Madison's approach to newfound fame and criticism. Rather than obsessively consuming public opinion, she's established healthy boundaries to protect her mental health. This self-assurance challenges the narrative that confident women need "humbling" and offers a masterclass in distinguishing between others' projections and personal truth.Whether you're healing from relational trauma, navigating attachment issues, or simply curious about the real person beyond reality TV editing, this conversation offers compassionate wisdom about holding life with "a looser grip" and finding peace through self-acceptance. **If you are dealing with the mental health or addiction problems of a partner, family member or friend, co-host Dr. Kibby can support you through KulaMind, a coaching program and community made just for you. Through KulaMind, she can help you make sense of the chaos, set healthy boundaries, and break toxic dynamics. Book a free call with her to learn more. Check out KulaMind.comResources:Follow Madison on Instagram @mads.err and Tik Tok @mads.errSupport the showIf you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested. Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive. For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends
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1:01:51
Self-Pity: The Social Costs of Wallowing In Your Troubles
Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)Ever found yourself wanting to scream when someone launches into their hundredth "woe is me" monologue? Yep, we've been there. In this episode, we talk about one of the more isolating coping mechanisms: self-pity.We break down exactly what makes self-pity so aggravating for loved ones—that toxic combination of helplessness, victim mentality, and emotional quicksand that seems to pull everyone down. Unlike genuine sadness or grief, self-pity comes with an external locus of control that rejects solutions while demanding endless reassurance. It's the "help me, help me, but don't help me" dynamic that leaves friends, partners, and even therapists feeling utterly powerless.We explore the psychology behind why people get stuck in self-pitying patterns, the difference between legitimate suffering and wallowing, and the crucial distinction between self-pity ("poor me") and self-compassion ("poor us"). For those drowning in self-pity, we offer actionable strategies to reconnect with agency and break free from the cycle. For the exhausted supporters, we provide practical tools like "dropping the rope" and setting boundaries without drowning in guilt.Whether you're dealing with a chronically self-pitying loved one or catching yourself falling into these patterns, the way out of self-pity isn't more reassurance—it's recognizing that even in our darkest moments, we always have a choice.**If you're struggling with a loved one consumed with self pity, book a free call with Dr. Kibby to see you can get expert insights and strategies through KulaMind.Support the showIf you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested. Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive. For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends
A LITTLE HELP FOR OUR FRIENDS is a mental health podcast hosted by Jacqueline Trumbull (Bachelor alum, Ph.D student) and Dr. Kibby McMahon (clinical psychologist and cofounder of KulaMind). The podcast sheds light on the psychological issues your loved ones could be struggling with and provides scientifically-informed perspectives on various mental health topics like dealing with toxic relationships, narcissism, trauma, and therapy. As two clinical psychologists from Duke University, Jacqueline and Dr. Kibby share insights from their training on the relational nature of mental health. They mix evidence-based learning with their own personal examples and stories from their listeners. Episodes are a range of conversations between Kibby & Jacqueline themselves, as well as with featured guests including Bachelor Nation members such as Zac Clark speaking on addiction recovery, Ben Higgins on loneliness, and Jenna Cooper on cyberbullying, as well as therapists & doctors such as sleep specialist Dr. Jade Wu, amongst many others. Additional topics covered on the podcast have included fertility, gaslighting, depression, mental health & veterans, mindfulness, and much more. Episodes are released every other week. For more information, check out www.ALittleHelpForOurFriends.comDo you need help coping with a loved one's mental or emotional problems? Check out www.KulaMind.com, an exclusive community where you can connect other fans of "A Little Help" and get support from cohosts Dr. Kibby and Jacqueline.
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