The Autism Dad

Erin Lamb has been a speech language pathologist for 26 years. She runs a Baltimore nonprofit with its own school for autistic kids. She has a Ph.D. She still missed her own daughter's autism.

Why does autism get missed in girls? Most of the foundational autism research was done on boys. As Erin puts it, everything she knew about autism she learned from boys in the 90s, because that's what the research was done on. That research shaped the training, and the training shaped what people picture when they hear the word autism. Girls who talk early, who mask well, or whose struggles get read as anxiety often reach their teens before anyone says it out loud.

This is a Seen and Heard episode, so Erin gets the floor. She walks Rob through what a day actually looks like in a house with a kid in autistic burnout, with a PDA profile and ARFID, where separation anxiety is the most clinically significant thing in the room. She's honest about what it costs her. "People are like, what are you doing this weekend? And my answer is always caregiving. Because I do not know. I cannot plan."

Then she tells us what changed. She calls it outsourcing the panic. If the school professional isn't panicking, why is she? She handed the worry to the people whose job it is to worry, and her daughter started coming back to her within weeks.

She also gives the best description of an autistic kid this show has had. In the wrong environment it's like parenting all the kids from Willy Wonka at once. In the right one, with the right accommodations and supports, her kid is Charlie.

WHAT YOU'LL HEAR

Why a speech language pathologist with 26 years of practice missed autism in her own daughter

What a day really looks like with a kid in autistic burnout, a PDA profile, and ARFID

What outsourcing the panic means, and how she started doing it

Who her daughter actually is: the Lorax, Willy Wonka, and Charlie

What she wishes the outside world, and the autism community, understood

TERMS FROM THIS EPISODE

Autism in girls: autism is underdiagnosed in girls largely because the foundational research was conducted on boys, so the diagnostic picture most clinicians trained on describes boys. Girls who mask well or present as anxious are routinely missed.

PDA, pathological demand avoidance: a profile in which an autistic person's nervous system treats demands as threats, even small or pleasant ones. Approaches that add pressure usually make it worse.

ARFID, avoidant restrictive food intake disorder: more than picky eating. A child avoids whole categories of food by texture, smell, or fear, to the point that nutrition and growth are affected.

Autistic burnout: exhaustion and loss of previously held skills following a long stretch of masking, sensory overload, and unmet needs. Recovery takes fewer demands and real rest, not more pushing.

Outsourcing the panic: Erin's strategy of handing specific worries to the professionals whose job it is to hold them, instead of carrying every worry herself.

ABOUT ERIN LAMB

Erin Lamb is the President and CEO of Gateway Maryland, the Baltimore nonprofit formerly known as HASA, which has served Maryland families for nearly 100 years. She's a licensed speech language pathologist, holds a Ph.D. in public policy, and is the mom of two neurodivergent teenage daughters.

SPONSOR

This episode is sponsored by Mightier, a biofeedback emotional-regulation gaming program for kids, developed and tested at Boston Children's Hospital. Kids wear a heart-rate monitor and play games that get harder when they get dysregulated and easier as they calm down, so they practice regulating themselves in the moment. Read Rob's full review at theautismdad.com/mightier-review and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off. #ad

RESOURCES

Gateway Maryland: gatewaymaryland.org

Rob's full Mightier review: theautismdad.com/mightier-review

More Seen and Heard episodes: listen.theautismdad.com

Find Rob at theautismdad.com, and on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube at The Autism Dad.

“Most people don’t even tag her with autism, because she’s smart, she’s so articulate.” Lauren Murray

Lauren Murray is a New Jersey mom of two, and her daughters are almost twenty years apart. Her oldest is about to turn 21, a UCF graduate thriving in Florida. Her youngest is four, level two autistic, with sensory processing disorder and a short list of safe foods. She is also, in Lauren’s words, doing fantastic.

In this Seen and Heard episode, Lauren gives Rob an honest look at a day that starts at six in the morning and does not end until nine at night. Her husband works long days, so most of the week she is her daughter’s sole care provider. Lauren is a former teacher who kept a tight schedule at home, and school does it even better, down to the minute, and her daughter loves it.

Then there is the part so many parents will feel in their chest. Lauren’s daughter is bright and verbal, she speaks better than most of her peers, and that is exactly why people do not believe she is autistic. At the park, one mom packs up her kids and leaves every time she sees them coming, because Lauren’s daughter does not understand personal space and just wants to play. In public, a meltdown gets read as a bratty toddler, when the truth is they have done everything from A to Z to get ahead of it.

And the win. Flying home from a day trip to visit her oldest in Florida, their flight got canceled. They spent the night in the airport, then got emergency landed at an airport none of them had ever seen. Her four-year-old took the whole thing in stride, iPad, comfort snacks, a blanket Lauren packed just in case, a bench, and a kid who just went with the flow.

Lauren also names something a lot of families hit. In New Jersey, the services show up the moment you are diagnosed, but if you do not use them inside six months, they close your file. Not because you will never need help, just because you did not need it that week.

What you’ll hear:

“She took it better than I did.” Lauren Murray

This episode is sponsored by Mightier, a biofeedback emotional-regulation gaming program for kids, developed and tested at Boston Children’s Hospital. Kids play games that get harder when they get dysregulated and easier as they calm down, so they practice regulating themselves in the moment. Read Rob’s full review at theautismdad.com/mightier-review and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off. #ad

About Rob:

Rob Gorski is the founder of The Autism Dad, a blog and podcast dedicated to supporting parents raising kids on the autism spectrum. As a dad of three autistic sons with over 25 years of experience, Rob brings lived experience, honesty, and heart to every conversation.

Rob’s book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, lands December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. Updates and preorder: theautismdad.com/book

Where to find Rob:

You can find me at theautismdad.com, on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at The Autism Dad, and on YouTube at The Autism Dad. New episodes drop every week at listen.theautismdad.com.

"Accommodating these children is like giving them a lifeline, and these children are worthy of it."

Christine Bauereis didn't find out she was autistic and ADHD until her 30s. The clarity came the way it does for so many parents, after her own kids were diagnosed. She looked at her son's reports, then at her own childhood, and the whole picture finally made sense.

Christine is a mom of three in central Massachusetts, part of a blended family. Her 14-year-old, her 10-year-old son Archer, who has ADHD, and her youngest, River, who is six and autistic. River is level two, verbal with moderate support needs, and as she puts it, just wonderful.

In this Seen and Heard episode, Christine gives Rob an honest look at what their days hold. The mornings that used to be a battle, before a new psychiatrist, an ADHD diagnosis, and medication that she calls life-changing turned school refusal into a kid who pops up asking if he has school today. The afternoons that get hard, because River masks all day and lets it all out when he's finally home and safe. And a win that will stay with you, a three-hour food drive she and River did together for families in Worcester, the first full day they ever got through without a single meltdown.

But the heart of this one is Christine's voice as an advocate. When her district's entire SEPAC resigned because the district wouldn't collaborate, she didn't go quiet. She stood up at a town meeting and said the thing every parent in that room needed to hear. Special education isn't a choice. It is a right.

What you'll hear:

Finding out she's autistic and ADHD in her 30s, after her kids

How ADHD medication turned school refusal into excitement

Why masking all day leads to afternoon meltdowns at home

The Worcester food drive that became their first meltdown-free day

When the whole SEPAC resigned, and what she did next

Why she begs parents to listen to autistic adults

"No matter what level it is, it's still hard. Everyone's hard is hard." Christine Bauereis

This episode is sponsored by Time To Evaluate. If you've tried to get your child, or yourself, evaluated for autism or ADHD, you know the wait can be months, even years. Time To Evaluate does it with live telehealth, often within two weeks, from home. A self-paced intake in your own words, one licensed psychologist start to finish, and a formal report you can use at school. One flat fee, no waiting room. Better outcomes, without the wait. Visit timetoevaluate.com. #ad

About Rob:

Rob Gorski is the founder of The Autism Dad, a blog and podcast dedicated to supporting parents raising kids on the autism spectrum. As a dad of three autistic sons with over 25 years of experience, Rob brings lived experience, honesty, and heart to every conversation.

My NEW book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, lands December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. Updates and preorder: theautismdad.com/book

Where to find Rob:

You can find me at theautismdad.com, on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at The Autism Dad, and on YouTube at The Autism Dad. New episodes drop every week at listen.theautismdad.com.

"Stop comparing the hard. Start validating the hard." That one line from Heidi Price might be the whole episode.

Heidi spent years in the autism community before she was a mom. She worked as a recreational therapist, and she married into a family that knows autism well, with two brothers-in-law on the spectrum and two nephews too. She thought she understood it. Then she had her own kids, and she learned how much the level one experience can humble even someone who works in the field.

Heidi and her husband live in North Carolina with their three kids. Two of the three are autistic, and both are level one. Her six-year-old son has autism, ADHD, and a PDA, or pathological demand avoidance, profile. Her five-year-old daughter was diagnosed at three and spent about a year and a half in ABA therapy. Her youngest, who is three, has severe food allergies. As Heidi puts it, it's a fun place at her house.

In this Seen and Heard episode, Heidi gives Rob a real, unscripted look at what their days actually hold. The morning rules you can't break. The clothing battles when the seasons change. The way her son and daughter can need the exact opposite things at the exact same time. And one recent win that will stick with you, where a couple of soda cans, a pair of new shoes, and three days of patience turned a meltdown into a victory lap.

But the heart of this one is Heidi's message about comparison. Every level of autism is hard. The level threes and the level ones. The non-verbal days and the principal-calling days. They can coexist, and one does not have to threaten the other. She's honest about the services gap too, about how her daughter could not get an IEP because she wasn't considered bad enough, even while she was still struggling.

What you'll hear:

Why working in autism for years still didn't prepare her for level one

PDA, control, and why you can't just wake her kids up

The soda-can trick that got her son into new shoes

How autism showed up differently in her son than her daughter

Why level one kids can fall through the cracks for services

"Stop comparing the hard. Start validating the hard."

"Everyone's hard is hard. We need to stop comparing the hard. We need to start validating the hard." Heidi Price

This episode is presented by Best Part Kids, a sensory-friendly multivitamin for selective eaters created by dietitian Brittyn Coleman. Use code THEAUTISMDAD for 10% off at BestPartKids.com. #ad

About Rob:

Rob Gorski is the founder of The Autism Dad, a blog and podcast dedicated to supporting parents raising kids on the autism spectrum. As a dad of three autistic sons with over 25 years of experience, Rob brings lived experience, honesty, and heart to every conversation.

Rob's book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, lands December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. Updates and preorder: theautismdad.com/book

Where to find Rob:

You can find me at theautismdad.com, on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at The Autism Dad, and on YouTube at The Autism Dad. New episodes drop every week at listen.theautismdad.com.

Where to find Heidi:

You can find Heidi on Instagram at @triple.a_mom, on Facebook at Triple A Mom, and on my website at www.tripleamom.net. I actually started a business to help families like ours with visual resources that actually work.

Mariam Shapera is a family doctor. In medical school, she got one lecture on autism, and it was clinical and deficit-focused. Then she became an autism mom, and everything she thought she knew got rewritten by her own son.

In this Seen and Heard episode, Mariam sits down with Rob to talk about raising her nine-year-old son, who is minimally speaking and autistic, alongside his neurotypical older sister and younger brother. She and her husband, also a physician, started noticing differences before his first birthday. He was diagnosed at three. They began ABA and speech therapy even earlier, at two and a half.

Mariam brings a rare double perspective — doctor and parent — and she is direct about what the medical world gets wrong. Clinicians need to trust parents. A child cannot learn while dysregulated, so connection and regulation have to come first. And families have to actually click with their therapists for any of it to work.

What you'll hear:

- The early signs she and her husband noticed before age one
- Why the developmental assessment felt like a list of everything he couldn't do
- The diagnosis day, and the psychiatrist who delivered it with hope instead of fear
- Why he was given "moderate autism" and no level, and why that adds confusion
- Life built around routine and predictability, and how she preps him for change
- A recent win: his speech opening up, starting conversations, sharing wants and likes
- His strengths: perfect pitch, a love of nonfiction, and teaching himself to read
- Her message to other doctors, and to other autism parents

"You really have to trust the parents. The parents know what they think." — Mariam Shapera

ABOUT THE GUEST

Mariam Shapera is a family doctor and autism mom. She and her husband, also a physician, have three children: a nine-year-old son who is minimally speaking and autistic, an older neurotypical daughter, and a younger son. They began ABA and speech therapy when he was two and a half, and he was formally diagnosed at three. Mariam advocates for a more compassionate, parent-centered approach in clinical settings.

ABOUT YOUR HOST

Rob Gorski is the founder of The Autism Dad, a blog and podcast dedicated to supporting parents raising kids on the autism spectrum. As a dad of three autistic sons with over 25 years of experience, Rob brings lived experience, honesty, and heart to every conversation.

Rob's book, So Your Child Was Just Diagnosed with Autism, lands December 29, 2026 from Fair Winds Press. Updates and preorder: theautismdad.com/book

SPONSOR

Best Part Kids — a sensory-friendly multivitamin for selective eaters, created by dietitian Brittyn Coleman. Use code THEAUTISMDAD for 10% off at https://BestPartKids.com.

Mightier — a clinically proven app that helps kids build emotional regulation skills through biofeedback-based video games. Visit https://mightier.com and use code theautismdad22 for 10% off.

RESOURCES MENTIONED

More Seen and Heard episodes: listen.theautismdad.com
Preorder Rob's book: theautismdad.com/book

If you found this episode helpful, please follow The Autism Dad Podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Visit listen.theautismdad.com for past episodes, resources, and ways to support the show.

You can find Rob at theautismdad.com, on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok at The Autism Dad, and on YouTube at The Autism Dad. New episodes drop every week at listen.theautismdad.com.