So We’ve Been Told with Sahaj Kaur Kohli

• Boundaries, Low Contact, or Estrangement: What’s Right for You?

  We’ve all heard we need boundaries to protect our peace, but what does that really look like in collectivist cultures? In this episode, therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli challenges Western ideas of boundaries, unpacks common misconceptions, and explores what it means to go low or no contact with loved ones. We’ll hear real-life stories from people navigating boundary-setting in immigrant families – some successful, some not – and others who’ve ultimately chosen to go no contact. Sahaj also shares practical tips for setting culturally-responsive boundaries, and answers your most pressing questions about estrangement.  Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

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• Why Guilt Feels So Heavy — And What to Do About It

  Do you feel guilty all the time? Or worry about abandoning where, and who, you come from? You’re not alone! Guilt is one of the main emotions therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli sees adult children of immigrants struggle with. In this episode, Sahaj unpacks the idea of immigrant guilt — how it differs from everyday guilt — and offers practical tools to help you navigate its complexities. She also explains what it really means to “sit with your feelings” (yes, actually), and we hear powerful stories from listeners on emotional suppression, anger, and the conflicting cultural messages they’ve received about how to feel. Plus, Sahaj talks to Dr. Batja Mesquita, a Dutch social psychologist and author of “Between Us: How Cultures Create Emotions”, to explore how culture and language shape the way we understand and express feelings – and they’ll leave you with tips for starting these conversations in your own immigrant family.  Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

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  36:53
• Is Duty a Form of Love, or Control?

  What does duty mean to you? For many of us, especially children of immigrants, duty is complicated. It can look like showing up for loved ones (even when it’s inconvenient), preserving cultural traditions, or fulfilling unspoken expectations. Sometimes duty feels like love, gratitude, and pride. Other times, it carries the weight of pressure, guilt, and grief. In this episode, therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli helps us reflect on what we truly owe our families and communities — and how to navigate duty when it conflicts with our own needs and desires. You’ll hear from listeners whose sense of duty is shaped by cultural values, birth order, and their parents’ sacrifices. And we’ll leave you with tips to examine when duty is a form of love, and when it’s a tool for control.   Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

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  27:49
• Is Your Immigrant Parent a Narcissist?

  In a recent Brown Girl Therapy poll, 85% of nearly 3,300 respondents said they think their parents are narcissistic. That’s…a lot! In this episode, we dig into why so many children of immigrants resonate with this label, and whether it's the right one. Dr. Judith Joseph, a board-certified psychiatrist and author of High Functioning: Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy, joins Sahaj Kaur Kohli to break down what narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) really is, and what it isn’t. We’ll even hear directly from you about your complicated family dynamics and the impact on your mental health. You’ll learn new skills and tips for communicating to narcissists and healing while navigating painful but meaningful relationships. Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer, and Jamela Zarha Williams is our producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

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  35:45
• Intercultural Relationships: Love or Betrayal?

  Intercultural and interracial relationships can be rewarding, difficult, messy — or all of the above. In this episode, Sahaj Kaur Kohli opens up about her love story as the first in her family to marry outside race, religion, and culture. We also hear deeply personal reflections from other children of immigrants who are navigating love, heartbreak, and identity across cultural and racial lines. Together, we confront hard truths —  anti-Blackness, colorism, internalized racism, and community bias — while also celebrating the beauty of bridging and blending cultures. Sahaj will answer your questions on navigating the challenging (and awkward!) parts of dating, like introducing your partner to your family, and she offers advice on the ultimate dilemma: love or loyalty? Find exclusive bonus content and continue the conversation with others on Sahaj Kaur Kohli’s Substack, Culturally Enough.  Sahaj Kaur Kohli is the host and creator of this series. Chrystal Genesis is our Executive Producer and Creative Director. Tess Novotny is our lead producer. Music and Audio Engineering by 4S Studios. For more information, show notes, and resources, visit sahajkaurkohli.com/podcast.  Follow Brown Girl Therapy on Instagram at @browngirltherapy.  So We’ve Been Told is a bold take on wellness, love, and family by sharing what it means to live between cultures. In a new eight-part series, award-winning therapist Sahaj Kaur Kohli breaks down the stories we’ve been told about bicultural identity, relationships and mental health. Featuring real talk, practical advice, expert wisdom and stories from her 250,000-strong community, Brown Girl Therapy, Sahaj helps you understand your past and unpack the present so you can thrive on your own terms. The eight episodes will explore: living a double life between cultures, family secrets, intercultural relationships, narcissism in immigrant families, duty as a form of love – and control, estrangement, boundary setting with immigrant parents, immigrant guilt, and sex. This show is for anyone who lives between cultures – or anyone who loves, works with, or knows someone who does (hint: you!).

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